My Alleged Husband

Chapter 469 - 448 Do You Really Not Love Anymore? (Part 2)_1

Zhang Zhentian couldn’t understand why his wife still loved him in her heart, yet was unwilling to continue living with him. Could it be that he had truly never provided her with even a hint of reliance as a man? Was he really such a failure? To have even his most beloved woman abandon him like this.

"It’s not that I stopped loving you, nor am I unwilling to love, it’s just that I can’t love anymore. With every bit of love for you, I have to endure too much pain. With every bit of love for you, my heart suffers immensely. Do you know how much I long for you to be by my side for life? Just to be happy and joyful every day with you, I felt that would have been enough. I never coveted anything else. But the day you were ready to completely abandon me over a single lie, I knew you were no longer the man I loved, and no longer worth my love. Loving you, every day was a struggle, but for the sake of my love for you, I gave so much. I was willing to pay any price for my love for you, even my own life if necessary. But in the end, I found out that in your eyes I was just someone you could discard at will. You didn’t really care about me in your heart!"

Xia Jing’s heart was in pain too, facing the crossroads of love and the lack thereof. On one hand was the man she had lived with for many years, and on the other was her so-called dignity. She once gave up all her dignity for this man, even her own self-respect, but she was ultimately abandoned mercilessly by him. Why should she keep sacrificing her dignity for this man time and again? Is her dignity really that trivial? Why should she keep giving her all for a man not worthy of her love?

In Zhang Zhentian’s heart, the pain was unbearable, so unbearable. He just couldn’t fathom what kind of reason could make his wife look down on him to such an extent that, even though she loved him very much, she would still be unwilling to live with him. Was living with him really that suffocating for her?

"Can you tell me then, what exactly is the reason you’re treating me this way? You obviously love me so much in your heart, yet you still choose to abandon me, to separate from me. Does not living with me really make you that happy? Does living with me really tire you out that much? Does each of my efforts really seem so insignificant in your eyes? I know that being with me, you too have given a lot, and I see all your sacrifices. I’m not unaware, I just don’t know how to respond to you. Do you understand? Your sacrifices have always exceeded mine, how can I possibly repay you for what you’ve given?"

"I’ve never expected anything in return for my efforts for you. I just hoped that you would face me with a smile every day, that when you spoke to me, you used a sincere tone. I wanted you to be candid with me, not to deceive me time and again with lies. The real reason I’ve been unwilling to reconcile with you is that you abandoned me over a lie, and that pain will forever be in my heart. It won’t change or fade with time; it will always be buried deep within me. You won’t understand this kind of pain, but I can remember it clearly for a lifetime. Unless this pain made me too confident, while with you I often had to pretend to be very happy even though my heart was in agony, because I didn’t want to pressure you. I just wanted you to know that even though I’m not happy, being with you, I could still smile. But in the end, we are really not suitable for each other. After so much has happened, I find I don’t love you as much as before. Slowly, with the passage of time, I might gradually forget you. When I’ve forgotten you, I hope you can still be by my side as you are now. If you can do that, maybe I could remember you again, but I hope you don’t do that because it would make me feel that you’re terrible, having finally managed to forget you, why should I let the memory of you be re-injected into my mind?"

"Right now, I don’t want to listen to anything you say. I just want to ask you one question, do you really not love me anymore? Has your love for me really disappeared? Do all our years of affection mean nothing to you now? Can you really abandon all the happy times we shared?"

Zhang Zhentian was still not willing to give up. He always hoped to get an answer from the mouth of his ex-wife, an answer that was negative. He wished his ex-wife would give him another chance, but that was forever impossible.

"Now I can tell you clearly, I really don’t love you anymore. I can no longer bear this love between us; it was so hard to live with. Every day, I was walking on thin ice, fearing every moment we might be separated forever. That feeling was truly unbearable. Since leaving you, I’ve lived as I pleased, for myself, and my heart has been truly at ease, no longer worrying that you might discard me over something!"

"So, I am truly not worthy of your love?"

"Love isn’t about being worthy or not; it’s about loving or not loving. My love for you never depended on whether you were worthy. You were always worthy of my love, but now I no longer have love for you. Do you understand? A marriage without love won’t be happy. There’s no more or less in love, nor a matter of worthiness—only whether they love each other or not. If the love is gone, why force ourselves to be together and torture each other’s hearts? I hope you can let go completely and give each of us a way out, so we can both continue to live happily. If you keep pestering me incessantly, we won’t even be able to be friends in the future. If you let go completely and give me a peaceful and harmonious world, then maybe I can continue to be friends with you in the future!"

Zhang Zhentian fell silent. He didn’t know what to do. He really didn’t want to let go, but with Xia Jing’s words reaching this point, what else could he do?