My Alleged Husband

Chapter 470 - 449 Endless Entanglement_1

"No matter what you say to me, and regardless of the words you use, I will never let go of your hand in this lifetime. You can’t hope to fully escape from me either. Isn’t what you want just to live a happy and joyful life? It’s simple, stay with me, and I can give you the life you want, provide you with everything you desire. Why do you treat me this way, cruelly abandoning me? Do you truly find joy in this? When you see me in such agony, does your heart not ache?" Zhang Zhentian once again revealed his persistently entangling behavior.

Xia Jing was at a loss for words with Zhang Zhentian. How could someone be like this? After all, she had made her standpoint clear, leaving no room for anything else, but why did he still choose to do so? Does he really think he is that important in her eyes? What kind of person is she, if even she can’t figure herself out, let alone expect others to do so? Maybe her standards were too high, which is why everyone who loved her left. Where, then, did she go wrong?

"Sigh, why can’t you listen to a word I’m saying? You should know that I don’t truly want to abandon you. Abandoning you hurts me too, but do you understand? Every time I decide to leave you, it pains my heart. However, I understand even more clearly that if I don’t resolve to leave you, we will only end up hurting each other even more deeply. Because you’ve already expelled me from your heart. Everything you do is aimed at me, without considering how I feel. This time is no different; I must face your accusations for no reason. What have I done to deserve this? Why do you repeatedly assume that I’m the cause of all bad things? In your eyes, am I someone who loves to do bad things?" Xia Jing said to Zhang Zhentian, "Sometimes I don’t even know what kind of person I am. Even if I did many wrong things in the past, I still hope to be a good person now. I want to live a life true to myself, not hiding and covering up my past mistakes every day. Those things I did are what I regret most; I have never regretted an action so much. But now I truly understand, nothing is more important than family, but it’s all too late now, there is no way out. Let us both leave a way out for each other, not forcing ourselves into a corner, okay?"

"You ask me not to corner you, but do you realise that everything you said to me today, everything you’ve done, is cornering me? I’m terrified of you leaving me; don’t you know how intense this fear is? I never dare to ask for anything else because every time you leave, it hurts me so much. Yet so much time has passed, and just when time was slowly healing my wounds, why did you come back to tear them open again? Why must you keep reopening my wounds, and then ruthlessly pour salt on them, causing me unbearable pain until you’re happy? Everyone must bear the responsibility for their actions. Since I chose this path, I shouldn’t regret it, because once it’s chosen, there’s no room for regret. That’s life. No matter what qualifications you have, you can only follow this path for your whole life, even if you initially chose the wrong path, even if it’s agonising and joyless. But what can you do? You have no choice but to keep going. It was you who dragged me into the civil affairs bureau that day, forcing me to sign the divorce papers. It was you who resolutely didn’t want me, you who mercilessly abandoned your wife. Now, you shouldn’t come back saying that I’m abandoning you; doesn’t that mean you’re confusing right and wrong?"

"So what’s been bothering you all along is that I pulled you into the civil affairs bureau to sign the divorce papers. I know the incident struck you hard, but didn’t you blow your top too? I cared about you so much that I couldn’t tolerate any lies from you. Even if I could accept your lies, I couldn’t accept that my own wife would gamble with her health. It was because I cared about you that I did what I did. I wished you would earnestly plead with me at that time and promise never to lie again. But you said what you said then. You surely haven’t forgotten every word you said to me. Sometimes the heart is stubborn, yearning not to be abandoned by loved ones. I desired so much for you to stay with me. Don’t you see how much I’ve given up to be with you, to think that means nothing to you? The time I spent with you is the happiest time of my life. I know I shouldn’t place all the blame on you. It was my fault. Why didn’t I have the courage to stand up and take responsibility for my own mistakes? I’m afraid, too. I fear that my own family will kick me out again. That’s why I was so selfish. Your leaving for good would be the greatest punishment to me, isn’t it? After so many years, we should be reconciling by now!"

"You’re afraid your family will kick you out, but have you ever thought about how your actions could get me kicked out by your family? You admit that you’re selfish in your actions. So why should I reconcile with you, only to let you hurt me again? Don’t you understand that will only cause me immense pain? How much I cared about continuing to live with you. But have you ever treated me like family with your decisions? I’ve shown you forgiveness and tolerance time and time again for all your faults, but what about you? This is how you treat me, pushing the blame for your own mistakes onto me to make your family think it’s my fault they should kick me out. Now you’re satisfied. We can never go back. You can peacefully return home! Why bother coming to me time and time again, only causing me pain?"