My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1219 - 1049: The Most Painful Decision

"You may never truly understand how utterly despairing a person’s heart becomes at the moment when it is completely shattered by you. When I heard my grandfather say he would no longer concern himself with you and let go, I knew in that instant he was completely disappointed in you. I can recall clearly all the advice he gave me, but you can’t, you can never remember the teachings he tried to impart to you. In your eyes, you only remember what you desire most, you push yourself madly towards your goals, forgetting what it is you really want!"

"Child, now your grandfather finally understands so many issues and what they stemmed from, but now I can tell you clearly, rest assured, I will appear by your side whenever you need me most in the future. And when you don’t need me, I will certainly not appear before you to meddle in these matters. What I’m doing today is just to let you know, I have no other choice. I just want you to understand, I want to be happy and joyful with you. Perhaps, this seems like an indifferent attitude to you, but for your grandfather, it’s a luxury. Do you know? There aren’t many happy times left in grandfather’s life, but he hopes that in what remains of his years, his grandson can live joyfully with him. Isn’t that enough for me? Perhaps in everyone’s eyes and in everyone’s world, this isn’t much of an attitude, but in my heart, it is. Maybe you find me annoying, maybe you find me ignorant, asking why I still seek you for these things. But your grandfather is human too, with children and family, I also wish to enjoy family happiness. I hope you can understand your grandfather a bit more and not argue over these things with him anymore!"

Upon hearing his grandfather speak like this, Zhang Yichen felt deeply troubled. It’s not that he didn’t care about his grandfather’s feelings, but truly couldn’t manage everything. If he ended up like his grandfather, he would lose authority in front of his own son, facing a result with no easy choice. Sometimes, he really wanted to ask heaven if there was any other choice for him, why he had to be treated this way - did making him feel like this truly bring them happiness? So many questions filled his heart, uncertain who to ask or what to do, leaving him alone with his inner conflict and pain, while everyone sees only his bright exterior. Yet who knew the struggles his heart endured? Many felt family and children sufficed, regardless of happiness or joy, but could he really live that way? He just wanted a joyful, harmonious family, free from wars within; after all, harmony brings prosperity. If the family isn’t harmonious, how could they possibly thrive? Why doesn’t anyone understand him or consider his perspective? Is everyone so selfish, everyone wanting to become like this? He desperately hoped people would stop pushing him, turning joyous things into a path to despair, wasn’t this killing him? How he wished the world had more people who truly understood him, understanding not driven by ulterior motives, but genuine. Why was such understanding so elusive?

"Grandfather, I know the kind of life you desire, but many times you should also be understanding of me. If I followed everything according to your wishes, then what about me and my family, do you understand? Many things we desire are not the same. Perhaps you think whether or not my parents come back is not crucial. Even if I say I don’t want them back, fearing they’d hurt me again, does my heart really not wish for their return? I’m just a child too, in need of my parents’ affection. How could I not want them back when there are countless questions and choices before me, leaving me uncertain of what to choose? Some choices make one numb, yet I hope my choices are ones I can bear. I know you hope to enjoy family happiness, but what do you actually enjoy? What you want is not just simple family joy, a person’s ambition can expand. Once it reaches a certain level, it’s no longer just a small ambition. You know your thoughts better than I do because they are your own, and you are the master of your own thoughts. Can you not know your own mind? But should we really address problems this way? We should be happy, shouldn’t we? I don’t want much, only for my family to live joyously and blissfully together. If I sometimes overlook your feelings or thoughts, I hope you can forgive and understand me. Truly, there are many times I feel internally exhausted, every day balancing family and work, knowing if I relax, arguments will start, others will be tempted to betray me. If I slack in the company, even more, would want to overthrow me. Isn’t every day like walking on thin ice? Constantly worried about betrayal, though I fear it, none dare act against me. Yet betrayal from family hurts even more. Thinking carefully, the conflicts with my wife, nobody knows the reasons but us, and honestly, she’s considering betrayal! Isn’t that terrifying? Her betrayal plunges my heart further into pain. She’s my wife! How could she betray me? How could a betrayal make her happy?"

At that time, perhaps life wasn’t happiest, but neither was it the most painful. Reflecting, the efforts and returns weighed evenly. Whatever was endured, the returns were worth it. But who could truly know what he desired most?

"Alright, I now understand all your thoughts. Rest assured, from today onwards, I will no longer interfere in your matters. May you pursue what brings you joy and hope you are never betrayed by family, as such betrayal tears at one’s heart."

I’ve thought I might become heart-wrenchingly pained, but ultimately it led to being unrecognizable to myself.