My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1220 - 1050: We Have All Grieved

"Grandpa, maybe we should all try to live quickly, it’s not easy for any of us, you should have your own path in life."

He wasn’t sure how to be filial, these past days and nights he constantly thought about his first love. He didn’t know what he should do to forget this, as soon as he closed his eyes, his mind was filled with the happy and beautiful moments of the past. That innocent and brilliant smile made him recall again and again, he didn’t know if he was bewitched or what, he just wanted to return everything to its original state. But is it truly possible to go back? After repeatedly being hurt, after being in agony again and again, the ending is already doomed to fail, he could only rely on his own strength to carry on living in this world miserably.

For the first time, he truly felt that his life was tragic, never had he been so desperate before. This despair came from the heart, with no joy at all. His despair had overshadowed all the happiness in his heart. It was waiting, waiting for the day he could return to the beginning, but could this really happen? The past has already become the past, how could he turn the tide and bring everything back to the start? Does he have to rely on his own life to regain the beginning’s state? Is it only by completely disappearing from this world that everything can return to its original form?

He didn’t understand and didn’t want to understand at this moment. All he knew was that every day he lived was filled with unbearable pain, like struggling in a deep abyss. He wanted to grab onto a lifeline, but the lifeline had long abandoned her, and the sunlight of her world had already completely forsaken her. He could only ever live in darkness. He truly didn’t know how much longer he could endure such life of unbearable suffering; perhaps a day, perhaps a month, perhaps a year, or maybe even collapsing in just a second.

He didn’t understand, was it because he was too greedy, so everyone in the world sought revenge against him? So, he could only live in a deep abyss of pain, with no way out. Heaven seemed to only choose to harm him in such a cruel manner repeatedly, pushing him into a desperate state, making it impossible for him to make a comeback and losing the man he loved most in his life for good. What should he do to gain some pity from heaven? Does he need to cut off all his financial means, cut off his life, or even all of his limbs?

Zhang Yichen could see how despairing his mother was, he could also understand how deeply engraved the pain his mother endured was. He had no way to console his mother, he could only stand silently by her side, watching his mother in distraction. He knew what was troubling his mother; it was the most unforgettable pain of her life. No matter how much time passed, there was no way to forget the hurt she once experienced, nor could any method erase all the pain that was once caused.

"Mom, do you really not wish to live in this world anymore? You still have me, your son, and such a big family. We all love you. We are your family. How can you be stubborn over past events and people who’ve gone? Perhaps what I say is painful for you, but I truly have no way to explain. Everyone just wants to live well, and I just want my mother to stay by my side. Perhaps for you, all this seems too simple, but for me it’s too hard. I haven’t felt a mother’s love for over twenty years, nor do I know what fatherly love is. I don’t even know what it feels like to be nurtured by a mother. I’m just a child abandoned by my parents."

"Child, maybe you don’t understand these things now, but do you know? It wasn’t until I truly lost him that I realized how wrong I had been. I don’t understand what kind of price I must pay to recover her. I only know the hurt I once caused her cannot be erased. Perhaps I really did wrong, only after her departure did I discover how much I loved her. It was also because of her leaving that I came to understand such a profound truth: ’The storm cannot wash away the scars of the heart, the ravages of time do not extinguish emotional wounds, do not lightly speak of eternity, only separation reveals desolation!’

Who among you can understand all the pain I’ve endured in my heart over the years? I’ve lived in unbearable torment every moment. I don’t want much, I just wish for him to stay safely by my side, for which I’m willing to give my life to keep him. As long as he can come back to see me one last time, I’m willing to die in his arms. I can give up everything; I can even forgo my most precious life. I am willing to lose everything, but I can’t bear to lose him. I love him to the point of enchantment, I’m nearly mad. I don’t know how to make everything beautiful again like it was!"

"Child, as a father, I have nothing to say now. I understand this pain in your heart. Everyone has a past, and everyone feels sorrowful for past events. But I also hope you understand that now you are a wife and a mother, so why dwell on the past? No matter what, you cannot go back. Do you really want to give up everything you have now for someone from the past? You have your family here, your relatives, your son. How can you bear to let him lack a mother’s love in this world again? How can you be so cruel? What’s the harm in loving your child a bit more? No matter his age, he is your son, hoping for a little more care and a little less hurt from his mother. Every action of yours chills people’s hearts; speaking such words now, aren’t you afraid of making everyone feel disappointed in you?"

"Dad, I don’t care anymore if these people feel disappointed in me. I can clearly say, I am living every day filled only with sorrow, my life is full of sadness, how can I be happy? Losing him means losing the greatest happiness of my life. Now I am nothing, just a fugitive who is neither human nor ghost..."

We have all felt sorrow, and as we walk, we should consider how we should choose our path...