My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1218 - 1048: Neither Love Nor Hate

Everyone becomes indifferent after going through things that make them sad and painful today.

No one goes through life without experiencing things that make them unhappy or distressed. No one’s life is smooth and easy, like two dragons sending water—a scenario that I have never seen before. I have never forgotten what the person I most wanted in the depths of my heart was like.

Perhaps I never imagined in the depths of my heart that one day I would become like I am today. But who could have thought what kind of situation I had gone through with everything I’ve experienced? I once thought, if one day I cease to hate the world and have no love for anything, what kind of person would I become? Thinking about it now is terrifying. I never dared imagine myself like that, let alone imagine the situations and turmoil I’ve been through. Every path I took was for my own life, but in the end, I realized that everything was nothing like what I thought it would be. I was so selfish. Only now do I truly understand what kind of situation it was like; I am now experiencing all the pain I once inflicted on others. Now I finally understand the heavy blows I dealt to those who cared for me and loved me when I made those decisions back then.

"Grandpa, do you remember the words I asked you back then? You told me to repay evil with kindness. Every word you said to me at that time, I can still vaguely remember. I knew how terrifying I was at that time, and I still have not forgotten it."

...

"Grandpa, I really don’t understand what you meant by those words? I just want to know, if we follow your logic, we shouldn’t blame anyone for anything because heaven is fair. Don’t complain that heaven is unfair to you, and don’t blame humans for being unfair to you. But, grandpa, do you know? Many things can’t be solved simply by not complaining!"

"Then tell me, what are these things you’re talking about?"

"Grandpa, to be honest, even if my parents chose to abandon me, I never thought about blaming them. Because I feel that no matter how much harm they caused me, it could be justified, especially after hearing the girl in my dream repeatedly advising me. It further solidified my thoughts. But I don’t understand why the final result turned out like this. Grandpa, he has hurt me so many times, even if it is my parents, I can no longer choose to repay evil with kindness, because doing that is truly difficult for me. Time and time again, I threw away my principles for them. I cleaned up their messes, but they neither felt grateful nor reciprocated my kindness. Instead, they repeatedly hurt my lifelong happiness. Grandpa, do you think this is fair to me, your grandson?" Zhang Yichen asked.

Old Master Zhang didn’t know how to respond to his grandson. No matter how he answered, one side would get hurt. It wasn’t the result he wanted to see. But what choice could he make that wouldn’t hurt the two people he loved the most?

"Child, you know, over all these years, you’ve understood everything, but you chose not to speak. Grandpa understands your pain, but many things are not as simple as you think. This world is cruel, if you don’t hurt others, others will come to hurt you. But can such mutual harm really lead to a good result?"

"Grandpa, then tell me, what should I do to ensure that neither of them gets hurt?"

"Child, these things aren’t resolved just by grandpa saying so, it also depends on your own actions. Just as you said, all these years, you’ve always repaid evil with kindness. You’ve done it so many times, aren’t you just a couple of times short? You’ve managed to get through one difficulty after another by yourself, so why can’t you get through this one?"

"Grandpa, it’s not that I don’t want to get this hurdle over in my heart, but I really can’t do it. My parents did so many things, don’t you know? People have eyes, don’t they gossip when they see things? Grandpa, I beg you to consider for me, I truly feel exhausted. This brings no good result for either of us! You all think I lost my memory and should forget everything that happened before, but have you ever thought that I haven’t lost my memory completely? I have a chance to recover my past memories. I’m already gradually recovering those memories. But why do all the scenes in my mind show how my biological parents harmed the woman I love? Grandpa, do you know, such images only make my heart ache more. I thought that by losing my memory, I wouldn’t have to look for my past memories again, and I wouldn’t have to recall the harm my parents did to me. But fate is this unfair, letting me gradually recover my memory, which is why the blow is so great. Grandpa, I know, every time you taught me, you hoped I could be a kind and upright gentleman. I always strived towards the goal you set for me. Grandpa, please, sometimes consider things from my perspective! They can harm their son’s lifelong happiness for their selfish interests, so what else couldn’t they do? If they harm me again and again, should I choose to endure the humiliation and live with the harm they caused me? Can’t I stand up and fight back against them? Grandpa, I’m human, not wood. They harmed me, I feel pain, I feel sadness, but I chose not to speak because peace in the family leads to prosperity. But in their eyes, that’s not the case. They only care about their interests, and they are willing to pay any price, even their life, to secure their interests!"

Old Master Zhang, upon hearing his grandson’s words, realized that he had only made the situation worse, but it wasn’t intentional. How could he resolve the hatred between these two?

"Child, when has grandpa not considered things from your perspective? Time and again, I’ve thought about your safety. But what about you? Do you feel even a bit of gratitude towards me? Just as you say you’re human and you feel pain and heartache, do you think grandpa doesn’t feel the same? Many times, you feel your parents don’t consider things from your perspective, but have you ever thought about the reasons behind their actions? What they want is for you to live well. Child, no matter what, please don’t hate your parents because they are not wrong. Their love for you is true, they just used the wrong ways to express it. I haven’t only told you this once. I’ve said it two times, three times, or four times. I don’t know if you’ve ever kept it in your heart, but grandpa understands that whatever he says to you, you always keep in mind. You just choose whether to do it or not, unsure if you should follow what grandpa says, not knowing if you should follow his words..."

Zhang Yichen felt a bit embarrassed. He had never seen his grandfather shed a tear, but moments ago, he saw a glistening tear fall from the corner of his grandfather’s eye. He knew his grandfather was heartbroken, and it was because of himself. He felt a bit unforgiving of his faults.

Now, looking back, he realized there were many things that went against his grandfather’s wishes. He hadn’t followed what grandpa said, which led the situation to escalate to where it is now.

"Grandpa, thank you for your guidance. I now fully understand it. Honest advice is unpleasant but beneficial. Without your ongoing guidance, I wouldn’t have achieved what I have today. Grandpa, as I said before, since things have already happened, I will choose to leave them in the past and not bring them up again. Because that’s no different than picking at old wounds for both you and me. I don’t want such things to happen between us, grandpa and grandson. Grandpa, let’s live our lives happily and joyfully as a family from now on!"

"Have you ever thought that my grandpa once chose to persuade me in that way because he longed so much for his child to return to him? But what did you take him for? A target to be hurt over and over.

Now, I neither love nor hate you all. I don’t know what kind of situation to face you with, nor what mindset to accept you with. But the only thing I know is that you once hurt the one who loved me the most, my grandpa. Now I can only treat you as you treated him, but I won’t treat you like you treated him because I know you’re always my parents!"