novelraw Chapter 115-Life goes on
Chapter 115-Life goes on
A month after Lea's death -
Jake stood in front of Lea's grave, holding onto the bouquet that he had brought. He had her favourite box of chocolate, custom made by the old baker lady back in their home town. He brought her flowers everyday after seeing Kai off at his daycare. He spent the rest of his day talking to her before going back to picking Kai up again. He brought her all the things he had promised to get her one day when they were little. He was trying to give her everything he always wanted to give her but never really could. Today was no different.
As if Lea's death wasn't enough of a blow, after the postmortem Jake was told that Lea was pregnant with their second child. It didn't make things any easier only driving another dagger through Jake's heart. Perhaps it was just because Kai existed that he could move forward.He didn't want to but he had to for the sake of the little guy.
With Lea gone, there was no meaning left in this world. All colours were gone. It was only black and white. Kai sat down beside her grave, keeping his shoes aside. He smiled at the grave as he affectionately picked out the weeds. " How have you been, Lea? Did you sleep well? Did you miss me? " He leaned forward, kissing her headstone.
Just then Jake felt a hand over his shoulder. He turned around to find Phill. He too had a bouquet in his hand. "May I? " He asked Jake for his permission. Jake hurriedly moved to the side, making space for him. " Yes, of course. "
Phill took off his shoes and settled down beside him, gently putting the bouquet down and smiling. "Do you think she is looking down at us? ” Phill's question took Jake off guard. " Of course she is. " So Phill answered his own question.
They sat there in total silence, staring out towards the horizon. " How are you holding up? " Phill finally asked holding his shoulder gently. " Holding up? What is there to hold up? " Jake answered without meeting his gaze. " We are fine. " Jake wasn't alright. He definitely needed help. But nobody was able to help him so Phill was there to try.
" Do you still sleep with her clothes? ” Phill pressed a little harder. " Yes! And I will do so for the rest of my life!" He said, gritting his teeth. Phill was able to crack the surface. He hadn't cried ever since the cops took away Lea's body. He absolutely shed no tears. And it was building up all inside him, waiting like a volcano to erupt. If his emotions weren't properly channelized, Kai would end up losing both parents.
" I still have difficulty sleeping. Whenever I close my eyes at night, Lea comes in front of my eyes, smiling, laughing and then I see her lifeless and I wake up. " Phill decided to go first. " It wasn't easy losing her to you, Jake. But I was happy for the two of you. She had never loved anybody except you, even for a single moment, even when she thought you were cheating on her. She loved you like crazy. I was so jealous. "
" She still does! " Jake murmured without looking up. Phill could see the crack in his composure. It was time to push. " But you didn't treat her well when you had her. You hurt her. You hurt her very bad. "
It was the death knell. " I f*cking know I hurt her, God dammit! I f*cking know. " Jake jumped up from his spot. He was yelling but still there was no sign of tears. "If only I didn't believe you when you said Kai was yours... If only I didn't sleep with Rosa that night... If only we didn't leave our old town.I would still have my Lea with me. I would still get to smell ... smell her. " And there opened the crack. The dam was unleashed and the water flowed in an endless direction. " If only Phill... If only... My life is nothing but a long list of 'If only's that I wished I had never done. "
Jake twirled around trying to stop himself from crying but there was no stopping now that he had finally let it down. " I can't sleep, I can't eat. Breathing feels like such a hard job. " Phill could feel exactly what he was saying. His position was not very different. " Gosh! I want to feel her, hold her, kiss her and tell her everything will be alright. I want to go to sleep while I hug her... " Jake was quivering so much, Phill had to pull himself into a tight hug. "I need her Phill, I need her brother. She was pregnant when that bastard shot her. She didn't go alone. I also lost a child. Damn! She was f*cking pregnant and I didn't know....I never seem to know! " He burst into a smile as he recalled something, " Isn't it funny how I can recall the exact two times when I got her pregnant? I can recall each moment, everything I did to her... But I never seem to know about the baby until... " The smile evaporated. He held onto Phill's shirt shaking him as he shook with renewed intensity. "I don't think I can go on any further without her. I need to be with her. Ask her to come back... please... Phill... please! ” Phill felt sorry for doing that to him. He held him as he gasped and sobbed. It was necessary.
" Don't you think there was reason why she left you with Kai? " Phill found his own voice with much difficulty. "If you cannot go on, what will become of him? Will he grow up as an orphan, just like you and Lea? " Phill's words seemed to have struck some cord as Jake looked up. " You need to live for your child, Jake. You of all people, know how difficult it is to grow up with parents. Kai might never feel the need for money like you had but he sure as hell will miss you, just like he misses Lea. I hope you can stop being selfish for a change and start thinking from Kai's point of view. " Jake didn't utter a single word. He kept staring at Phill's face with a blank expression.
Phill stood up before breaking down himself. He heaved a sigh after readjusting the flower bouquets, looking back at Lea's grave, " My job here is done, Lea. Until we meet next time. " He scuffled Jake's hair affectionately before silently leaving him alone to ponder over his words.