To Love A Villain

Chapter 235: Blank Spaces

>>Valenor

Pen passed the test.

I had no idea she had such strong magic but I’m really glad she’s joining me in my journey. Whenever the witch told me that the great evil would be in the form of someone I held dear, I was so scared it would be Pen

But if she’s with me, there’s no need to worry. I can handle everything else.

I walked to meet the team that was selected by the King for my journey, they were waiting for me in the outer living room in the palace.

I opened the door and entered, only to notice all eyes were on me. I stopped by the entrance.

"Hello, nice to meet you all." I greeted them. I was already given their names and sketches before I came here. So I knew who was who.

I started from the left.

Theo, he’s an archer

Vaerion, an elf mage

RoseMary, a healer

Gimli, the dwarf warrior

And-

I looked around

"There should be another person with you," I asked, "Where is she?" I couldn’t see Pen.

"Ah," RoseMary answered, "She said she wanted to celebrate becoming a team so she went to get something sweet."

"Oh," I nodded, then forced a smile.

What’s this?

She only went to get something, so why do I feel uneasy?

***

>>Pen

I blinked, the world around me fuzzy, like waking from a dream but still trapped in the haze. My head felt heavy, my thoughts sluggish.

I blinked again, coming to my senses

Where... where am I?

I tried to focus, looking around, and saw the walls. Tall, dark, grimy.

A dead-end alley.

My heart skipped a beat, confusion twisting inside me. How did I get here? I could’ve sworn I was just... I was getting sweets. I went to get some sweets.

But now I’m here.

I spun around, searching for something familiar, but all I saw were brick walls and shadows. My breath quickened, a strange panic rising in my chest.

This wasn’t right. This wasn’t where I was supposed to be.

Then, my eyes fell down to the ground, and my stomach dropped.

A dog.

Dead. Lying limp at my feet, its body twisted unnaturally. Around it, tiny puppies. Newborns, their eyes barely open, their small forms still and lifeless. I stumbled back, horror twisting in my gut, bile rising in my throat.

No. No, no, no.

I pressed my hand to my mouth, trying to hold back the sickness clawing its way up. What... how? I stepped back, and my foot splashed in something wet. I froze, dread creeping into every corner of my mind.

Slowly, I looked down.

Blood.

It covered my shoes, splattered across the ground, pooling beneath the dog and its pups. My heart pounded wildly in my chest, the sound roaring in my ears.

No. This can’t be real.

I raised my other hand, and there it was.

Red.

My hand was red. Smeared with blood. My fingers trembled as I stared at them, unable to understand, unable to process the scene in front of me.

Again.

I’ve done it again.

The realization crashed over me like ice-cold water, and I staggered backward, my legs shaking beneath me. My breath came in short, panicked gasps, my chest tight with the familiar weight of fear. It happened before.

Back home. I’d woken up, just like this, covered in blood, with no memory of how or why. But what I killed was smaller then, just a rat.

"What have I done?" My voice cracked, barely a whisper.

I tried to remember, tried to piece together the last few minutes, but there was nothing. Just a blank space, an empty stretch of time that I couldn’t fill. All I could see was this—this nightmare, this blood, this death.

My hands shook harder.

Tears stung my eyes, blurring the world around me as I looked down at the mess at my feet. I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t want to think that I could have... but I’ve seen this before. Felt this before.

"I didn’t mean to," I whispered, my voice breaking into a sob. But what did it matter? What did it change?

I knew I had done it

***

I stared down at my hands, trembling slightly. I had scrubbed them clean before coming back to the palace, but the feeling lingered, the phantom stain of blood refusing to leave. My fingers felt cold and foreign, like they didn’t belong to me anymore.

What is happening to me? Is this part of the curse? Is that why Mom kept trying to stop me? I haven’t heard from her or Dad since I left.

But what is this?

The image of the dead dog and her tiny pups flashed through my mind, the lifeless bodies piled at my feet, and my stomach twisted violently. I swallowed hard, trying to push the memory away, but the nausea rose too quickly. I staggered toward the bushes lining the palace courtyard, barely making it before I doubled over and heaved, bile burning in my throat.

My whole body shook, the sick taste lingering on my tongue as I tried to regain control of myself. What was wrong with me? Why did this keep happening?

"Pen?" Val’s voice broke through the haze, and I froze, my heart skipping a beat.

Why is he here? I’m still at the entrance... Did he come looking for me?

I hadn’t heard him approach, but now he was there, rushing toward me. His footsteps were fast and worried, and in moments, he was kneeling beside me, his hand on my back, his touch warm and familiar. "Pen, are you alright? What happened?" His voice was so soft, I could tell he was very worried about me

I couldn’t look at him though.

My face was flushed, tears threatening to spill over, my breath still shaky from the nausea and the panic. He didn’t deserve to see me like this. He didn’t deserve... me.

"I-I’m fine," I managed to choke out, my voice hoarse. "I just—something I ate, maybe."

"But... didn’t you just go to get sweets?" Val’s voice was full of concern, his brow furrowed as he looked me over. He glanced around, as if searching for the treats I’d said to bring back, and when his eyes returned to me, there was a hint of confusion. "You came back empty-handed."

!!!

I swallowed hard, trying to calm myself, to push down the rising panic. I had to give him something, some excuse, anything that would keep him from asking too many questions. My mind raced, grasping for something—anything.

"They... they ran out of what I wanted," I said, forcing a weak smile, though I could barely hold his gaze. "And I, um, started feeling sick, so I came back. I didn’t think it’d be this bad."

I avoided his eyes, hoping he’d buy it.

My heart pounded, guilt gnawing at me as the lie left my lips. But what else could I say? I couldn’t tell him the truth. I couldn’t tell him about the blood.

About what I’d done.

Val’s expression softened, but the worry didn’t leave his eyes. He gently rubbed my back, his touch comforting, steady. "You should’ve told me. I’d have come with you."

"I didn’t want to bother you," I mumbled, still feeling the weight of everything pressing down on me. The truth hung heavy in the air between us, unspoken and dark, but Val didn’t push.

He never did.

And I hated myself for lying to him.