The Villain’s Ending

Chapter 9

The First (9)

I walked down the hallway.

I simply shoved aside any students who blocked my path and continued on my way.

Shoulders brushed, and I heard someone curse behind me, but I didn't care.

I wanted to go back right now.

To the place where I originally lived. To a place where I wouldn't be called 'Lavin.'

But I didn't know the way back.

Though I seemed to have a rough idea of the direction.

Finally, I stood before a familiar door.

I turned the doorknob and opened the door.Inside the room, Seraphina was there.

She was standing still by the door, just as she had been when I left.

It seemed she hadn't moved a single step since I'd exited the room.

Like a figure in a black and white photograph where time had stopped.

"I waited."

Her voice was hoarse.

I didn't answer.

I didn't have the energy for it.

I wanted to be alone. At least for now.

Looking around, it seemed Seraphina had tidied the room.

Empty liquor bottles that had been rolling on the floor were neatly gathered in one corner, and the ashtray was cleanly emptied.

The crumpled clothes were tidily folded on the sofa.

The window was wide open, and the cold evening air was pushing out the stale smell of the room.

She was always like that.

She would clean up the messes 'Lavin' made.

From a certain point, even when 'Lavin' hadn't made any mess, she would gently chide him and clean up something. Whether it was his feelings, his sincerity, his memories, or whatever else it might have been.

I brushed past her and flopped down onto the bed.

The creaking sound of the springs made the silence in the room even heavier.

"Don't just stand there, sit down. Your legs must be hurting, Seraphina."

At my words, Seraphina sat on the sofa with an awkward movement.

Her eyes were bloodshot and tear-filled.

We met each other's eyes for a moment, then averted our gazes once more.

She fidgeted with her fingers, sneaking glances at me, while I looked at the empty bottles she had tidied, then picked up the last liquor bottle remaining on the table and drank straight from it.

"I'm sorry."

She broke the silence first.

The word hung in the air for a moment before falling weakly to the floor.

"Yeah."

I replied briefly.

The alcohol burned my throat and flowed into my stomach.

My body felt a little warmer.

"And Kyle, we're not like that. He's just a friend I happened to get close to. It's not what you're thinking......"

"You know who usually makes that kind of excuse, right?"

I took another swig of alcohol and spoke.

Her face stiffened.

"......"

"Just kidding. I know Kyle isn't that kind of friend either."

The liquor bottle was empty.

Making Seraphina's effort to tidy it up meaningless, the empty bottle began rolling on the floor once more.

Perhaps because all I did all day was drink and throw bottles on the floor, it seemed I had become a master at throwing them without breaking them now.

The bottle rolled gently across the carpet and came to rest quietly beside the other bottles she had gathered.

"But why now, after all this time?"

Originally, I was a terribly boring person who didn't enjoy alcohol or cigarettes.

I didn't like the bitter taste of alcohol, nor the foul smoke of cigarettes.

It was 'Lavin' who enjoyed those things, not me.

But now, I enjoyed them too.

No, rather than enjoying them, I was dependent on them.

"......'Now, after all this time,' you say."

"Everything. Cleaning the room, saying sorry, and even waiting for me. Why now, after all this time?"

How did it come to this?

Why had I become a person who was no different from him?

Why was I, too, in love with the childhood friend standing before me?

"That's because—"

Seraphina couldn't continue her words.

She merely bit her lower lip.

"And why now of all times?"

Her blue eyes were shaking violently.

It seemed whatever either of us said wouldn't help the other at all.

To compose myself against the rising emotions, I spoke.

"It's okay. These things happen.

A person's heart isn't something you can control."

And then I stopped speaking.

Because it didn't seem to help much anyway.

In truth, it wasn't okay at all. Not in the slightest.

That's why I wanted to go back right then.

To the time when we were close—no, that was when 'Lavin' was close.

To the place where I originally lived, where such a misconception wouldn't even cross my mind.

To my own clean space: a small studio apartment, where 3,000-won one-liter coffee cups I bought every day were neatly stacked, and only a laptop sat on the desk.

"Though it's not quite official yet, wouldn't it be less than ideal for a former fiancé and fiancée to be alone together like this?"

"Why, why do you only talk about caring about such things at times like this?"

"Because I don't want to talk to you. I'm tired. I just came from being tormented by that esteemed older sister of mine."

I didn't know what expression Seraphina made.

Because her head was bowed, only her fidgeting fingers, unable to stay still, were visible.

"You said you were sorry, didn't you?"

"Yes. All the things I said last time. I wanted to apologize."

"It's okay, when you're angry, well, that can happen."

I looked down at the empty liquor bottle.

It was as empty as my mind.

"Still, you know. It would've been really good if you had told me from the start.

If those letters I wrote every day were so disgusting, why didn't you say something sooner?

Then I wouldn't have done such foolish things, would I?"

"It wasn't like that from the start. At first, I was happy because I thought you were trying to change. Really.

But, but every time you caused trouble, it all felt like a lie......"

"When did I ever cause trouble? Ah, the forbidden library?

I told you I didn't do that."

Her eyes were still trembling.

Though it wasn't a look of belief, perhaps because she didn't want to be kicked out of the room, or perhaps because she no longer wanted to argue with me, Seraphina nodded.

"Because I heard it every day.

Words about you hitting someone, words about you extorting herbs for me from somewhere.

Words about you enjoying sodomy, or hanging around with other girls.

Only those kinds of words, I heard them every day.

And at the end, always, words that made it seem like I, your fiancée, was pitiful, words that were dismissive while throwing pity my way......"

The end of her voice began to tremble.

And as if overcome with emotion, her eyes reddened, and Seraphina spoke with a trembling voice, tinged with a hint of resentment.

"And when I asked, you never said anything! Always!"

Because they were garbage words not worth answering.

"Right, the words of your friends, who only spout useless things around you, must be more important."

"No, that's not what I m-......"

"If that's not what you mean, then what is it?"

"......"

She couldn't answer.

Or perhaps, she didn't.

Instead, she posed a different question.

"Why didn't you say anything each time, yourself?"

"If I had spoken, would you have believed me?

Even before, you only heaped blame on me instead of believing me.

Don't make me look like an idiot now, pretending not to believe me, Seraphina."

It was an obvious question, with an obvious answer.

It just made me wonder, why were we having this conversation again...?

"In front of you, I always feel miserable.

In your mind, I'm a prodigal son of the age, a bastard, a worm-like illegitimate child, an idiot who can't do anything without you... that's what I am, isn't it?"

"That, that's because you made me that way. You always, always betrayed my trust."

"What did I betray?"

"Everything. All of it. Every time I tried to trust you, you always...

Every time I thought things would get better someday, you just lied to me.

Even when you hung out with groups of delinquents, or when you had some strange girl by your side, you just said it was nothing, like you were mocking me!"

"Because there was nothing between us."

"How... how was I supposed to believe that!?"

"It's hard to believe, isn't it? You never believe me, even when I tell the truth.

To you, it must have all been lies. The letters, my gifts, my feelings.

Sorry, I brought you something worthless, didn't I?"

I pulled a cigarette from my pocket.

"What does any of that matter now?"

I clamped a cigarette between my lips, lit it with a match, then inhaled the smoke and slowly exhaled it downwards.

After smoking about halfway, I met Seraphina's gaze, and somehow lost the desire to smoke, so I stubbed it out in the ashtray and said softly.

"You should go now, Seraphina.

We're not the kind of people who should be together anymore."

"No, I don't want to."

She rose from her seat and stumbled towards me.

"I've realized I can't do that."

Her hand reached out towards my cheek.

I slapped it away.

The sound wasn't loud, but it echoed particularly sharply in the silence of the room.

The back of her hand flushed red.

She clutched her reddened hand, shed tears, then bit her lower lip.

Seraphina stared blankly at me, still clutching her reddened hand.

A silence that felt incredibly long, perhaps five minutes, followed.

"Um, Lavin."

"What."

"From tomorrow, can I come visit every morning?

I want to finish tidying the room."

Her question was absurd and irrational.

But there would be nothing more foolish than trying to find reason in our conversation right now.

"Do as you please."

I answered indifferently.

Because whether she tidied the room or set it on fire, it no longer concerned me.

I watched Seraphina's retreating figure as she left the room with heavy steps.

Even after she opened the door and left, I remained sitting there for a long time.

The scent of lilacs wafted past my nose.