The Villain’s Ending

Chapter 66

Delusion (5)

"We haven't really talked, have we?"

With my hand resting on Seraphina's shoulder, I spoke softly.

My voice wasn't as hoarse as I'd thought.

"I, too, wanted to sit beside you like this... and chat amicably about various things.

Not just always going to a cafe, drinking coffee, having some snacks, bickering a bit, and ending up in an argument.

I just wanted to be together like this."

I felt Seraphina's shoulder tremble subtly at my touch.

She raised her head and looked at me.

"Then... let's do that now, even.Even now, we can just keep being together like this, can't we?

You don't need to prepare a letter every time you come, and like you wrote to me, the moon rises beautifully near the park, so let's even pack sandwiches, okay?"

Her voice, filled with emotion, trembled thinly.

"Right now... isn't it less about you liking me, and more about you wanting to be by my side because I seem a bit unstable?"

Her eyes wavered.

Her expression was complicated.

“Because you're kind to everyone.”

“Kind...”

Seraphina repeated my words in a murmur.

Then, she slightly lowered her head.

Her fingers fidgeted idly on her lap.

"It's not that... there's absolutely none of that, but... from the start, there's no way I wouldn't like you."

"No. People who like each other usually don't behave like that. Not like you and me."

"We... we're different from normal people, aren't we?

Since we were little, there was only us two, wasn't there?

Other people wouldn't understand.

Whether it's the Young Family Head, or Father, or whatever anyone around us says."

"You didn't really like being with me like this, did you?

You came to see me once a few days ago, then kept avoiding me."

"That... that wasn't because I hated you, it was just... I was too confused...

My head was spinning."

“Is that so?”

"...Yes."

"But we have to break off our engagement soon, don't we?"

"...Where, where did you hear that?"

Her voice, barely squeezed out, was so faint it was almost inaudible.

I didn't bother to hide who told me.

"From the esteemed Young Family Head."

At the mention of Levina, Seraphina bit her lower lip even harder.

It was to the point where I wondered if she might draw blood.

"Though the news reached even the Young Family Head... still... still, I tried to somehow smooth things over!

Father, at the words that you would soon be expelled from the family... he arbitrarily..."

She gasped, spewing out words.

Her sentences didn't connect properly.

“There's no way you can smooth it over.

Because that's not something you or I can decide.

It's a matter for the ‘esteemed’ Young Family Head and Count Beluze to decide.”

At my words, Seraphina shook her head.

She seemed to be trying to deny it desperately.

"I, I'll somehow make it work.

You don't even have to particularly help.

Anyway, you're going to be expelled from the family...!"

She stopped speaking mid-sentence, clamping her mouth shut as if realizing a mistake.

Her face turned deathly pale.

"Yes. I'm going to be expelled from the family soon.

So there's no need for you to specifically stay with me anymore, Seraphina.

When was it, you said that if it weren't for the family, you wouldn't even spend time with someone like me, didn't you?"

"Those were words said in a fit of anger! That was just, just because I was angry..."

"Words said in a fit of anger are usually the truth."

I shrugged and scoffed.

Her face contorted.

"It's not because of that damn family... it's not for those reasons that I like you."

Seraphina said, gasping for breath.

Her voice cracked.

"Perhaps, as time accumulated, it's just a bit of a misunderstanding?"

"A misunderstanding? How could all the time we've spent together until now be a misunderstanding?"

"Well, I don't know."

Her voice rose slightly.

I gazed silently at her.

"Because I feel like you'd probably just stand there and watch, even when I die."

At those words, the color drained from Seraphina's face.

She couldn't say anything.

She just stared at me, frozen.

"Why would I, why would I do that?

Are you going to muddy the waters now with things that haven't even happened?"

"Just because. I feel like you would. You've always been like that."

Somehow, I felt a sense of my own pettiness.

Because it felt as if I was saying the exact same words Seraphina had said to me.

After more than ten years of being inseparable, the thought that even the words we uttered when disappointed or unable to trust each other had become similar somehow made me feel sad, yet only emptiness remained.

While time resolves many things, I didn't particularly want to accept the fact that there are also problems it cannot solve.

"When did I ever? No, what was it before that?"

Seraphina abruptly stood up.

Her eyes were brimming with tears.

“When did I ever just stand by and watch you?

When you were hurting, when you were struggling, I was always by your side, wasn't I?

Even when you were tormented by that clearly insane Young Family Head, even when you were acting like a delinquent!

Who was it who cleaned up your room every time you got drunk and made a mess?

Even when you were hanging out with those delinquent groups and some girl had her arm linked with yours!”

Her voice grew louder and louder.

A few students passing by in the corridor glanced our way.

As soon as their eyes met mine, they hurried their steps as if by unspoken agreement and disappeared down the corridor.

I remained seated on the bench, looking up at her.

"Yes, you were always by my side."

I said calmly.

“But not once were you ever completely on my side, were you?

When Levina belittled me in front of you, when other people pointed fingers at me, you just stood by and watched.

Just stood by, without saying anything.”

"That, that was because the Young Family Head was scary.

You were the same, weren't you? What could a child that young say against the Young Family Head back then?"

Seraphina wore a mournful expression.

Her face was oddly flushed.

Whether she was dizzy, or extremely angry, I couldn't tell.

I even wondered if she might have caught a cold.

"What did I do wrong?"

“You always caused trouble, didn't you?

Like this incident in the forbidden library, and always fighting with other kids!

Do you know how much, how much I worried?

How do you think I felt watching you fall apart like that?”

“Seraphina, you know that the only thing I can say this time, too, is 'I'm sorry'.”

I looked up at her with an uneasy, yet somehow bored expression.

Always the same conversation, always the same conclusion.

True, many things had changed, but if only the process had slightly altered while the outcome remained the same, wouldn't it be fair to say that nothing much had really changed?

"I don't know. I just thought I was doing quite alright in my own way.

I wasn't mixing with those bad kids you talked about, I diligently attended classes without skipping, and my grades were quite good."

"What's so great about those mere grades? Does reading a few more lines in a book change a person?"

Seraphina's voice was laced with disappointment.

"No matter how much I may overflow with talent in magic and wield mana skillfully, look at me, I can't even change the heart of the boy right in front of me.

So what do those mere grades or books matter?"

I let out a hollow laugh.

“Then what should I have done?”

"If I knew that, I would have done something myself first."

Seraphina said in a trembling voice.

I wanted to answer her words, but somehow my mouth wouldn't open easily.

How long must I keep doing this, again and again, every time I die?

I looked at her with an expression that seemed bored.

Seeing me like that, Seraphina clutched the collar of her clothes with her right hand, then gripped her wrist with her left hand to stop the trembling.

It was precisely when I was about to feel annoyance at the feeling that the conclusion never changed.

Seraphina slowly caught her breath.

Even so, with a trembling breath, she spoke softly.

“If I knew that, I definitely would have done something, Lavin.

But I don't know anything. Suddenly, suddenly my chest hurts so much.

It feels like you're going to disappear.”

She came closer to me and tightly held my hand.

Her hand was cold.

"I would have helped you. If I had known anything, I definitely, definitely would have. I truly don't know what to do, Lavin.”

She slowly caressed each of my fingers, one by one.

Like someone praying.

"Don't smile at me like you're looking at a stranger.

Don't look at me with those eyes."

Her voice became soaked with tears.

"I'm just sorry I couldn't help you, couldn't trust you."

Her voice trailed off, and she began to cry.

“So, please don't look at me like that.

I don't want to see that expression.”

She said, sobbing.

"Tell me you love me, tell me there's only me.

Tell me you're happy I'm by your side."

Silent tears streamed down her cheeks.

“I'll do anything, because I feel like I'm going to die. Every single day.

It feels like I've uttered words to you that I never even spoke, and I dream of you dying right before my eyes.

So please, don't look at me like that. Always, always, that was your expression before you died.”

One thing was certain: Seraphina kneeling before me, who was still seated on the bench, was not a pretty sight.

I helped her to her feet.

Then, I slowly patted her back, comforting her moderately.

"You mean you love me, don't you?"

At my words, Seraphina sniffled and nodded without replying.

She buried her face in my shoulder.

Embraced in my arms, she seemed to hesitate for just a moment.

But soon, without me seeing what expression she was making, she replied briefly.

"...Yes."

Perhaps I might have wanted to hear it a little sooner.

To the extent that, rather than joy, I felt a sense of awkwardness.

Right now, she's acting as if she'd do anything right by my side, but would she truly say it's okay if I committed some atrocity?

If, like last time, when I shot Levina and killed the Duchess, Seraphina had been in front of me, wouldn't she have condemned me?

One thing was certain: something always changed after dying.

But what exactly changed came to me vaguely, just vaguely.

I still don't quite know what I need to do.

However, I decided not to just stand still and watch, like the childhood friend beside me.