novelraw Chapter 199 : Oh No, Lin Li is Going to Be Bent
Chapter 199 : Oh No, Lin Li is Going to Be Bent
"Yo, Bufan, you're awake too. Have you eaten breakfast?"
Returning to the homestay and seeing Bai Bufan with his bedhead, Lin Li greeted him.
"Who has an appetite right after waking up? Besides, we'll be eating lunch soon anyway. I'll just have some snacks to tide me over," Bai Bufan yawned and said.
"You can have the toast on the table, I saved it especially for you," Lin Li said.
Chen Yuying secretly glared at Lin Li. And you said it wasn't for Bai Bufan.
Bleh bleh bleh.
This was the look Lin Li gave in response.
"Not eating it," Bai Bufan refused at lightspeed.
"Then don't," Lin Li didn't care either.
"Then I will eat it," Bai Bufan grabbed a piece at lightspeed and stuffed it into his mouth. Mhm, indeed not poisoned.
Lin Li charged forward with a karate chop, shouting: "Before Baowei died, he left me a silk pouch. It said, 'I see a bone of rebellion on the back of Bufan's head. He will surely rebel in the future. He must be executed first to eliminate the root of the disaster.' It seems he was right."
(Translator's Note: A reference to Zhuge Liang's assessment of Wei Yan in Romance of the Three Kingdoms).
"He didn't invite me to his funeral feast after he died, he's really not human," Bai Bufan ran around the homestay with the toast in his mouth.
"How's my outfit? Type 1 if it looks good, gouge your eyes out if it doesn't." Ding Sihan came down the stairs at this moment, clack clack clack, and asked Lin Li, who was in the middle of a chase.
Black cropped pants paired with a white chiffon top, the white top tucked into the pants. The high-waisted design of the black cropped pants accentuated her leg proportions. It seemed Ding Sihan also knew how to show off her strengths.
But that didn't stop Lin Li from stopping the chase, sitting on the ground, taking a deep breath, and gritting his teeth: "Eyes, I'm sorry!!"
"It's not that serious, bro! Not that serious! Just type a 1!" Bai Bufan cooperatively came up to stop Lin Li, tears in his eyes.
"No! It has to be the eyes!"
Ding Sihan: "..."
Hehe.
These two guys really deserve to die.
"Lin Li, you're really amazing," Ding Sihan praised.
Lin Li stopped his exaggerated actions and stared at Ding Sihan warily.
"Even though you suffer from mental illness, you can still act like a normal person most of the time. You're already very remarkable," Ding Sihan continued.
Lin Li dropped his guard and nodded in gratification: "It's all thanks to Bufan's good teaching."
Bai Bufan: "?"
The few who had just woken up, because it wasn't early anymore, all made the same choice as Bai Bufan initially. None of them planned to eat breakfast, opting to just have some snacks and eat brunch later.
"Just teaching her how to ride a bike? How boring. Teaching that isn't fun at all." After Chen Yuying went upstairs, Ding Sihan turned into a melon-eating badger, asking Lin Li what they went out to do. After getting the answer, she said it was boring.
(Translator's Note: "Melon-eating badger" refers to someone eager for gossip, a reference to a story by Lu Xun).
"What did you think I went out to do?" Lin Li sneered.
Before Ding Sihan could answer, Bai Bufan inexplicably spoke up: "When I grow up, I want to be a gardener, working hard to water and cultivate (jiao pei)."
(Translator's Note: A pun on "jiao pei" which means to water/cultivate, but sounds exactly like the word for mating/copulating).
This was a bit too dirty, so instead of getting a Xizhilang jelly, Lin Li gave Bai Bufan his favorite big slap across the face as a warning.
Chen Yuying came downstairs, having changed back into a dress, but not the one from yesterday. This one was a white, mid-length dress with gray polka dots.
Lin Li: "1111."
"What's wrong? What are you 1-ing about?" Hearing Lin Li's voice, Chen Yuying asked in confusion.
Ding Sihan stared at Lin Li with dark lines on her face: "Now you know how to type 1, huh?"
Using the sword of the previous dynasty to praise the official of the current dynasty, huh.
Hearing this, Lin Li looked at Ding Sihan, didn't speak, but started gouging his eyes out.
Ding Sihan: "?"
Silence speaks louder than words at this moment.
Now it was Lin Li's turn to be chased by Ding Sihan.
Since they were going to check out the beach in Shanting anyway, they ultimately decided to go a bit further for lunch.
After walking out of the homestay, the three of them noticed the electric scooter at the door.
"This is my mount, so you guys just need to call one car. Send me the address, and I'll ride straight there.
"Bufan, if you want to sit on the back, that's fine too. I checked anyway, Shanting allows carrying passengers as long as both have helmets."
Lin Li said smoothly.
"Where did you get this?" Bai Bufan looked amazed, went up and touched it repeatedly, then sincerely asked Lin Li: "I'm also planning to get an electric scooter recently, so can I ask where you usually keep the scooter and the keys?"
"Are you fucking 'getting' one? You're 'taking' one. Besides, do you even deserve to buy a scooter? A bottom-feeding scum of society like you should just spend a buck to ride a kiddie ride and ask what your dad's dad is called." (Translator's Note: A reference to a common song played on kiddie rides in China).
Lin Li sneered.
Like Lin Li, who usually likes to drive a Rolls-Royce or Bentley, drives a Porsche when hanging out with friends, and drives a Ferrari when picking up girls. But well, right now he loves making jokes.
"I'll remember this insult, Lin Li. When my true identity is exposed, you'll be kowtowing and apologizing to me."
Having been insulted, Bai Bufan did the classic action of the Crooked-Mouth Dragon King covering his cheek after being slapped, and said word by word.
(Translator's Note: A reference to a popular trope in Chinese web novels where a seemingly useless son-in-law is actually a powerful figure).
Lin Li suddenly laughed:
"Identity exposed? 10,000 people outside the door shout in unison: 'Please, God of War, come out of the mountain!' The mother-in-law is shocked: 'Who is the God of War?' And at this moment, you, the useless live-in son-in-law in their eyes, Bai Bufan, stand up and walk out under everyone's horrified gazes."
"Yes, yes, yes, yes! That's exactly the feeling." Bai Bufan agreed, giving a thumbs up.
"I'm not finished yet. You walk out the door, and at this moment, 10,001 people outside shout in unison: 'Please, God of War, come out of the mountain!'"
"Fuck! So my identity is just a running dog under his command." Bai Bufan laughed out loud first.
"I'll sit on the back of your scooter. Even if I sit in the passenger seat, I'll still feel awkward when it's just me and the girls," Bai Bufan said quietly.
"Sure, here are the keys. I'll go take the car with them," Lin Li immediately patted Bai Bufan's shoulder and said with gratification.
Bai Bufan: "..."
"Can you act like a human being?"
"I'd rather take the car." Lin Li knew his priorities.
"You motherfucker."
However, although Lin Li had a sharp tongue, he actually had a sharp heart too. But since Bruce driving was illegal, in the end, Lin Li still carried Bai Bufan and headed to the lunch spot.
(Translator's Note: Bruce is a dog, referencing a meme).
"Lin Li, do you think our lives are like sausages? Lying down for a long time, occasionally turning over, high in fat, will explode under high pressure, not very healthy, cheap and inexpensive, with complex ingredients?" Passing by a sausage stall, Bai Bufan asked.
"Incorrect," Lin Li, driving the electric scooter, shook his head.
"Elaborate on what's incorrect."
"Only you are. I'm not. My life right now is bright as hell, so don't ask me, a Warrior of Light, such dark questions," Lin Li smiled brightly.
There's even a beautiful lady proactively asking me to watch the sunrise with her.
Too bright.
Bai Bufan: "..."
"Fuck."
"But speaking of Warriors of Light makes me angry. There's a guy named Daigo who really deserves to die. He borrowed light from me. When I was a kid, I was ignorant and too innocent, didn't think much of it, so I lent it to him. As a result, my life later on became completely dark."
(Translator's Note: Daigo is the human host of Ultraman Tiga, who borrows light from children to transform).
Hearing this, Bai Bufan sighed, getting angrier the more he thought about it:
"If that was it, fine. But there's also a bitch named Kakarot who borrowed my Genki (spirit energy) too. Great, adding insult to injury, now my life is completely ruined.
(Translator's Note: Kakarot/Goku from Dragon Ball borrows energy for his Spirit Bomb).
"These guys who deceive children are really bad, rotten to the core."
Lin Li slowed down slightly, turned his head, leaned close to Bai Bufan, sniffed, and then nodded:
"Indeed, you smell like 'Swelling God Coupon Full Discount Rolling Egg Fried Rice + Free National Trend Material Packaging + Black Disposable Liquid Spoon + Free Unknown Boxed Drink + Favorite Store 0.01 Yuan Sausage'."
"Your words are so fucking hurtful, especially since you hit the nail on the head. I want to jump off the scooter."
"Then I'll speed up to make sure you die when you jump." Lin Li twisted the throttle, and the electric scooter instantly accelerated.
Bai Bufan immediately grabbed Lin Li's waist, looking terrified.
"Slow the fuck down."
"When I really let you die, you're not happy about it," Lin Li laughed.
Because of the Mecha Index, although he hadn't driven many times, his driving skills were really good. But Lin Li still slowed down immediately.
Safety first. The ones who drown are always the ones who know how to swim.
Facing Lin Li's sneer, Bai Bufan didn't speak. He just suddenly reached his hands forward and hugged Lin Li tightly.
Lin Li: "?"
Bai Bufan pressed his cheek against Lin Li's back: "Mhm~~ Gege, if your girlfriend knew we were this close, she wouldn't be angry, right? Gege, you smell so good~~
"If your girlfriend gets angry~~ just come find me. I'll only feel bad for Gege."
(Translator's Note: A reference to a popular "green tea bitch" meme).
"Mua~~"
Very good.
This last 'mua' was the straw that broke the camel's back.
The terror transferred to Lin Li's face.
(End of Chapter)