The System is Abstract, Luckily, So Am I

Chapter 196 : If I Watch It Now, What Will I Watch During the Spring Festival Gala?

"Lin Li, when you usually help everyone pick up packages and go into the Cainiao Post Station, the boss must be very happy, right? After all, a piece of trash (jian huo) like you is very suitable for mailing."

(Translator's Note: A pun on "jian huo" which can mean a piece of cargo or a despicable person).

Bai Bufan stared straight at Lin Li, speaking harshly.

"Ah, yes, yes, yes~"

Lin Li hooked his arm around Bai Bufan's shoulder, pulling him away from the balcony door again and leaning against the balcony railing, while simultaneously slapping a second mosquito dead with a smack.

Curse all you want. As long as you're willing to keep feeding the mosquitoes and bugs, curse however you like.

Who told the task to require demons attempting to attack fellow disciples? After excluding myself, who else can I rely on but Bufan?

Remember, human rights are always greater than animal rights. Bufan is man's best friend, but still just a friend!

He turned the balcony light to the maximum. This way, due to phototaxis, other demons besides mosquitoes would also be attracted. Maybe they would want to violate Bai Bufan, which would help accelerate the completion of the task.

"I want to go back inside and enjoy the AC! Bro, seriously, we both just took a shower. If we start sweating later, wouldn't we have showered for nothing?! Let's go back inside, bro, let's go back inside." Bai Bufan was still struggling in Lin Li's arms, insisting on going back.

"It's already October, the weather is gradually turning cooler. Protecting the environment is everyone's responsibility. For every minute we use the AC less, polar bears get a little more land to live on, and Nanjiren can sell more underwear! Can you not be so selfish?"

(Translator's Note: Nanjiren is a Chinese brand famous for thermal underwear).

Lin Li decided to use positive energy to influence Bai Bufan.

"Polar bears have been enjoying the AC for tens of thousands of years, isn't it my turn now?" Bai Bufan looked over and argued strongly.

Lin Li: "..."

That's actually true.

"Besides, what's the point of talking to us nobodies about protecting the environment? When I was a kid, I kept seeing 'When the buying stops, the killing can too,' but to this day, I haven't even seen a shark fin. Go talk to those rich folks. How much emissions could they reduce by taking one less private jet flight?"

"The higher-ups won't like hearing you say things like that."

"Also, Lin Li, do you know what the most ridiculous part is?" Bai Bufan added.

"What?"

Bai Bufan started laughing, though it looked like he was laughing out of anger. He pointed at the buzzing air conditioner outdoor unit:

"You just said our purpose for not using the AC is to protect the environment, but can you fucking turn off the AC first before talking about protecting the environment?

"Us having the AC on inside while standing outside is called a sick waste. If polar bears knew they drowned because of people like you, they would definitely die with their eyes wide open."

"..."

Lin Li scratched his head.

Hey, that's actually true.

"You're right," Lin Li nodded. He was a reasonable person.

"Then hurry up and let's go back inside. The house is already in a remote area, and there are way too many bugs here." Seeing that Lin Li was listening to reason, Bai Bufan nodded and waved away the mosquitoes and bugs in front of him.

"Don't move!" Lin Li's sudden shout startled Bai Bufan.

"What's wrong?? Is there something on me?"

"I'll swat all the bugs for you, just don't move."

Lin Li focused intently on killing these mosquitoes and bugs one by one. Because he was prepared, Lin Li had specifically brought tissues out so his hands wouldn't get too dirty.

Good thing the house is remote. This task should be completed soon.

Bai Bufan: "?"

"Why do I feel like... you called me out here... just to watch me feed the mosquitoes?" Bai Bufan raised his suspicion.

"How is that possible? Why would I do something so sick?" Lin Li immediately waved his hand, and conveniently held out his palm: "I'm getting bitten by mosquitoes too."

Lin Li naturally couldn't equip the [Blood Crow Killer] right now, otherwise it would cover Bai Bufan's area. So the mosquitoes would indeed target him as well. Lin Li had also tried killing these mosquitoes, and as expected, the task didn't count them.

"Then why aren't we going back inside?" Bai Bufan was even more confused.

"We can't go back." After swatting, Lin Li turned his head, his eyes filled with melancholy, a smile on his lips.

Bai Bufan turned his head in surprise.

He saw Ding Sihan in the room. She first found the remote control and turned off the air conditioner, then walked to the balcony door, looked at the two of them as if they were mentally challenged, sighed, shook her head, locked the balcony door from the inside, nodded at Lin Li, and left.

Bai Bufan: "?"

"No! No!"

By the time Bai Bufan went up to knock on the door, it was already too late.

"You called her?" Bai Bufan turned to look at Lin Li in disbelief.

"Yeah, what you said just now made a lot of sense. It's too wasteful to leave the AC on while we're outside, so I asked Ding Sihan to turn off the AC in our room," Lin Li nodded.

"Then why did she lock the door?"

"It's tiring keeping you in a headlock all the time. This way I can let you go and give you back your freedom," Lin Li let go, feeling completely relaxed. "Great, now the door can't be opened from this side."

"Haha, hahaha." When a person is speechless to the extreme, they will laugh. Bai Bufan hadn't even brought his phone out, so he couldn't call Ding Sihan back.

Bai Bufan gave Lin Li a thumbs up.

Then he stopped struggling and leaned leisurely on the railing: "Then let's chat. I really haven't had a long talk with you, Lin Li. So where should we start?"

He accepted his fate.

After the air conditioner outdoor unit was turned off, the balcony wasn't as hot and noisy anymore. As long as he wasn't sweating, it was fine.

And he really hadn't had a late-night chat with Lin Li much.

"I don't want to chat, I want to play on my phone. Do whatever you want, what's there to chat about with you?" Lin Li leaned against the short side of the balcony and started scrolling on his phone.

"?"

Hearing this, Bai Bufan turned his head and gave Lin Li a death stare.

—He didn't have his phone.

Bai Bufan said word by word:

"Friendly reminder, Lin Li, my blood pressure is rising. Watch yourself. I don't know what kind of excessive things I might do later."

"Is your blood pressure in middle school now? Which school? How are its grades? I have some connections in Xiling, I can help it get into a good high school." Hearing this, Lin Li immediately adopted the posture of an elder asking all sorts of questions.

Bai Bufan: "?"

You motherfucker.

Having a premonition that his phone was going to fly away in three seconds, Lin Li smiled and put it back in his pocket. He walked over to Bai Bufan, swatted away a few mosquitoes and bugs, and looked at the mountain behind the balcony:

"Let's chat! Let's chat! What else is there to chat about? Life, ideals, love."

Bai Bufan cracked his knuckles: "My life is eating, sleeping, and jerking off. My love is jerking off. My ideal is to use the time for eating and sleeping to jerk off. Alright, I'm done. Your turn, Lin Li."

Lin Li: "..."

What kind of speedrun version is this?

"You really have a fucking root of wisdom." Lin Li gave a thumbs up and conveniently squashed a moth.

Animals that can think with their lower halves all have a root of wisdom.

"Since you brought it up yourself, Lin Li, let me ask you, what exactly is going on between you and the Class Rep? Don't give me that 'it's just a financial transaction for breakfast' excuse like before, I don't believe it anymore."

Bai Bufan looked up at the third floor, then lowered his voice a bit and asked, his eyes teasing.

Lin Li smiled, looked up at the sky, and spoke under Bai Bufan's expectant gaze: "Wow, Bufan, look at that cloud, it looks like cotton candy."

Bai Bufan: "?"

"When you fucking change the subject, can you only use elementary school-level similes? How did your Chinese grade improve this time? Did you cheat?"

"Forget it, if you don't want to say it, then don't. I understand. After all, I never tell anyone about my ex-girlfriend either." Bai Bufan smiled, leaned on the railing, kicked the ground with the tip of his slipper, his expression somewhat nostalgic.

Lin Li: "?"

When did this guy betray our class?

"Holy fuck? You have an ex-girlfriend? Why have you never mentioned it? Did something happen?" Lin Li asked, shocked and curious.

"Because she doesn't exist, I can't talk about it."

Lin Li: "..."

You motherfucker.

"If I had one, I would have said so long ago. I wouldn't be like someone else," Bai Bufan sneered, pointing at the sky and imitating someone's tone from earlier:

"Wow, Lin Li, look at that cloud. It looks like a Lin Li who was repeatedly castrated for not being sincere with his bros."

"You motherfucker."

"I was repeatedly castrated? What, am I a phoenix?"

Amused by Bai Bufan's sarcasm, Lin Li waved his hand:

"My relationship with the Class Rep over the past month has just gone from classmates to friends. To put it more arrogantly, we're good friends. There's nothing else. When I contact her privately, it's mostly me asking her questions and her answering them. So what you're asking about doesn't exist, and I can't talk about it either."

"Really?"

Bai Bufan reached for Lin Li's phone. Seeing that Lin Li didn't stop him, he quickly scrolled through the chat history between Lin Li and Chen Yuying. Finding that there was truly nothing inappropriate, his eyes widened:

"So you just use the Class Rep as a study machine?"

"Indeed, I'm very utilitarian," Lin Li smiled and nodded.

Many of his actions that looked like forcefully "getting close" in the eyes of the boys were actually system tasks.

The master has made me suffer.

"Only utilitarian? I don't believe it." Returning the phone to Lin Li, Bai Bufan expressed his doubt, his voice lowering a bit more: "No, you were so deliberately touchy-feely today, and you're telling me it's only utilitarian? The Class Rep didn't even get angry. I think you guys are already a thing."

"Just acting up. I'm a pervert anyway, it's not as complicated as you think," Lin Li tapped the railing with his fingertips.

"But habits should be verbal habits... Yet the Class Rep didn't scold you afterward, nor was she very angry."

Lin Li frowned slightly.

"Forget it, I don't understand either. But I think you're lying to yourself when you say it's only utilitarian." Bai Bufan shook his head. As a super amateur, he shouldn't try to guide Lin Li, an ordinary amateur.

"Isn't that obvious? Who wouldn't like a pretty, cute, good-tempered, and rich girl?

"But there are different kinds of liking. I think I'm still at the former stage. Besides, even if I had that kind of liking, it has to be mutual. I don't have that kind of confidence. The Class Rep is nice to everyone. It's just that the other boys in the class aren't as thick-skinned as me to go up and play with her.

"So no matter what, isn't maintaining this kind of interaction the most appropriate? Why make things uncomfortable? But after you said that, it seems I've been a bit too comfortable."

Looking at the mountain behind them, Lin Li spoke slowly while continuing to swat bugs.

Bai Bufan looked at Lin Li and shook his head in confusion:

"Lin Li, why the fuck are you feeling inferior? I don't know what you've been doing this past month, but your transformation is truly invincible. It's amazing that you could persevere. If I looked like you do now, I would have died of an STD long ago."

[During this squad experiential learning process, obtain heartfelt recognition and praise from other squad members (2/4).]

Lin Li: "..."

This praise is too... 'this'.

However, his image and charm had only increased by 20%. Even counting the changes brought about by exercising, it shouldn't be as exaggerated as Bai Bufan said.

But this is actually heartfelt recognition?

Bufan's bro filter for me seems a bit too heavy. This +1 to the small task progress is an unexpected bonus.

Wait.

"I'm a very light sleeper. When you come back from playing games, if you do anything to me, you're dead," Lin Li took a half step back and said warily.

Bai Bufan: "?"

"Idiot."

"But it's good to be steady. Anyway, besides me, you have no rivals in the class, and there's still plenty of time," Bai Bufan nodded.

Lin Li: "Blegh—"

Bai Bufan: "?"

"Sorry, I remembered your fart from tonight, so I felt a bit nauseous. It's fine, you continue," Lin Li waved his hand, indicating he was fine.

Bai Bufan: "?"

"You're ugly as hell, Lin Li."

"Mhm, look."

"You're disgusting, Lin Li."

"Mhm, getting anxious again."

"I wish the result of your confession is the same as my friend's last time."

"Hmm? Elaborate."

"I said I like you. She said thank you."

"I said I really like you. She said I really thank you."

"I said I really, really like you. She said sorry, the other party is no longer your friend, message failed to send."

"This friend of yours..."

"It's not me, it's really my friend."

"Okay."

"But, Bufan."

"Hmm?"

"If I had known your life was so funny, I would have saved it to watch during the Spring Festival Gala."

"I fucking told you it's not me, it's my friend."

"Mhm."

"Try saying 'mhm' one more time? I'm getting angry."

"Oh."

"Nay."

...

Once the conversation started, it flowed easily. They started with the gossip Bai Bufan, a boarding student, heard from his bros, and ended up discussing the global situation, feeling concerned about the country and the people.

[Task Three has been completed.]

[Do you wish to...]

[You have chosen to forfeit.]

This task wasn't difficult to complete in the first place. It was finished halfway through their chat.

The rest of the chat was purely because they had things to talk about.

[You have received rewards: Title: Breath of the Demon; Physique Improvement: Spiritual Energy Absorption Speed increased by 100%; System Currency 50.]

To be honest, Lin Li was quite curious about what would happen if the title was doubled, but he didn't gamble on it.

Lin Li also tried out this title. Indeed, like [Lightning Attractor], it gave him perception of these creatures. But perhaps because he was viewed as one of their own, after equipping it, he could clearly feel these bugs approaching him. So Lin Li immediately took it off after testing and switched back to [Blood Crow Killer].

"Holy fuck, it's almost twelve o'clock." Lin Li, whose mouth was a bit dry from chatting, looked at his phone and said in surprise.

It was time to sleep.

"I'll ask Ding Sihan to open the door, let's go back."

"Okay," Bai Bufan nodded.

The late-night chat experience wasn't bad. For some reason later on, the mosquitoes disappeared, and it was actually quite comfortable staying out there.

Lin Li typed on his phone.

Then he smiled.

"Bufan, Ding Sihan isn't coming. She told us to sleep on the balcony."

Bai Bufan: "?"

(End of Chapter)