The Kingpin's Possession

74: A Terrible Friend

Kit:Earth had guessed it right—Kit was having a hard time with this revelation. He couldn't believe that what he was hearing was real!

Surely, it was impossible. Earth didn't know what he was talking about. He was mistaken!

“Are you sure about this?” Kit asked again. “Are you sure you’re not making this shit up for keeping secrets from you about the Chiang Mai trip? Because it isn't funny.”

Earth’s frown deepened as he looked at Kit. “Does this look like a prank to you, Kit? Do you think I would stoop so low as to make fun of such a thing at Ben’s expense? Everyone, even Prem could tell that Ben liked you.”

Kit couldn’t believe what he was hearing. All his life, he thought that Ben was his closest friend, but now it was starting to hit him that Ben had had feelings for him this whole time.

And that was quite challenging to accept—Ben was one of his best friends, after all. It was like the ground was being pulled from beneath his feet, making him trip and fall, disoriented.

How was Kit supposed to react to this?

His mind went straight to recalling all the moments they both shared together. All that laughter, all that banter… all those times Ben had stuck with him.

All the time they had shared now took on a different meaning for Kit. All this time…had Ben always been in love with him? Had he done everything for Kit so that one day…he would reciprocate his feelings?

Kit felt like a fool for not noticing, and he felt even more horrible about himself for not being able to reciprocate Ben’s feelings. Thinking about all this, he couldn't help but think that maybe this time, he should’ve just listened to Earth and let it go.

His face dropped, his heart beating erratically in his chest to the point where it was almost painful. And it was clear as day for anyone who looked at Kit that he wasn’t feeling well.

“Ugh! This is exactly the reason why I didn't want to tell you!” Earth grumbled. “I knew you'd end up overthinking and blaming yourself for nothing!” He snapped his fingers in front of Kit’s face. “Hey, stop that. Wasn't I just telling you about Ben's changes at the beginning? About him moving on? He’s no longer that man, Kit, so you should let it go as well. Just forget it, Ben has moved on.”

Kit knew that; of course, he knew that all too well. And he knew he should feel relieved, but he just couldn't. He felt like he had unwittingly taken advantage of Ben’s heart. And for that, he felt horrible.

He remembered the time Ben volunteered to stay back with P’First after they got kidnapped. When he returned, he said he was fine, but Kit could not ignore how worn and bruised up he had been. They had all tried to ask if he was alright, if anything had happened to him, but Ben has shaken it off as P’First having just punched him once and then let him go.

To think that Ben had done all that just so Kit could get away with his own lover… oh god, he was a monster. He didn't deserve Ben as a friend and admirer—never had had, never will.

Especially since he remembered making love to P’Kim that night, putting his own needs before everyone else’s, while Ben suffered at P’First’s hand.

And then the most recent incident where Ben had thrown Kit to the ground just in time to save him from a bullet. Kit had only injured his palm while Ben had to be admitted to the hospital for his injuries.

Earth's eyes stayed on him, a concerned look on his face. He wanted to comfort Kit more, for dropping a bomb on him like that especially when he needed to keep his mouth shut.

But Earth also knew that the best way for Kit to cope was to give him time to digest this new information.

He could only hope that it wouldn't cause some awkwardness between Kit and Ben. Dammit, he really shouldn't have opened his big mouth! If only Kit hadn't been so persistent…

But what was done was done, and he couldn’t go back in time and slap his face before he even started to talk about Ben, so he knew the best thing to do now was to just stay quiet and let Kit absorb the information.

The waiter had come to hand Prem’s card to them and Earth was the one who took it, telling Kit that he would drop it off at his house while returning home. But he did feel sorry for the state Kit was in, and even sorrier since he knew it was his fault for opening this can of worms.

“Are you going to be alright on your way back home?” Earth asked once he had cleared away the table. Deep in thought, Kit didn't hear him the first time, so he had to snap his fingers to get his attention.

“What?” Kit asked, sounding a bit dazed.

“I said, are you going to be alright on your way back home?” Earth repeated, looking at Kit in worry. “Do you want me to help you?”

Kit blinked. “Oh, yes. I mean, no. P’David is waiting outside with the car, ready to take me home. Do you wanna come with me?”

Earth shook his head. “No, I’m good. I need hand Prem’s card back to his house before I head home, I’ll cross that road anyway, but your home is on the other side of town. It’s better to go separately.”

“Yeah,” Kit said distantly. “I think that’s better.”

“Kit,” Earth placed a comforting hand on Kit’s shoulder. “Please don’t beat yourself up about things that you have no control over. Let the past be in the past, okay? Now, get home safe.”

“You too.” Kit nodded almost absent-mindedly.

Still a bit hesitant, Earth left Kit alone with a pat on his back, hoping that his friend would be alright.

And at the table, Kit sat still, his mind in fractures. Almost on autopilot, his hands moved on their own to text P’David that his business here was done, and he was ready to head back home. He stared at text, waiting for the two ticks to turn blue, and when they did, he placed his phone back inside his pocket and got up from the seat, and the eager waiter immediately started to clean up the table.

Sighing, he went to the washroom, where he splashed water on his face in a sad attempt to refresh himself. He didn’t want P’David to see him look so dejected when he came out of the restaurant.

He cupped his hands under the running faucet and pressed his hands to his face, appreciating the coolness of the water against his skin. But even after he was done splashing water, he found that he couldn’t move, couldn’t bring himself to make his way outside. He gripped either side of the sink, staring at his reflection in the mirror.

Was it really true? Did Ben actually see him as more than a friend? But why? He was sure he didn’t do anything to make Ben feel that way. He had just been himself around Ben, just like he was with his other two best friends.

Then why? Why did Ben fall for him? What was so special about him that would make a man like Ben fall in love? Fuck, he didn’t even know that Ben was into men to begin with! His friend had really been so good at hiding his feelings.

Or had Kit always been the stupid one? Always ignoring what was right in front of him. Was he childish and ignorant? Or was he just plain blind? He didn’t have the answer to that, but the one thing he was certain about the fact that he was always causing trouble for everyone around him.

“I really am a troublemaker, aren’t I?” With a sigh, he cupped his hands under the faucet once again, closing his eyes, but as the water splashed against his face, the washroom door suddenly closed shut behind him, and he felt something that seemed dangerously like a gun pressed against his back.

Slowly, he opened his eyes, fear gripping his limbs like a stubborn vine. And that’s when he heard a hauntingly familiar voice from behind him.

“Long time no see… son.”