The Deity Entertainment Network

Chapter 227 – The Kangaroo Court

Friday Afternoon

Tokyo Courthouse

"Okay, what in the hell am I walking into here, Hoishino? This place looks more like a damn circus than a court of law." John asked his lawyer as they entered the courtroom.  

"Relax. Most of these people have been called here to provide witness testimonies before the Judge; some are on our side, the rest are with the prosecution." He replied, surveying the crowd with his overly large eyes. John almost laughed when he first met the man; he was the spitting image of Sam Eagle from the muppets, if the muppets stood at nearly six feet tall and were alive. He even had a similar accent.

A sea of colours assaulted him as the room was packed full of heroes, cops, villains in cuffs, civilians and even some students from U.A. High School. All the heroes and students were in their costumes, the police were mainly in dress regalia, and the vast majority of civilians seemed to have shown up in brightly coloured casual clothing rather than business attire or even nice clothing. The handful of cops who were wearing their normal uniforms seemed to be watching over the handful of criminals in bright orange jumpsuits. John could count on one hand the number of people who were wearing regular business suits in the room, and that included himself.

He was feeling a bit overdressed, wearing the suit that Sakura had made for him for the Takeyama ball, but it was a nice suit, and he was happy to get a chance to wear it again. It was going to need to go back to the tailors soon, as it was starting to get a little tight in the shoulders, arms, and legs, while it was a bit loose around his waist. An inane thought crossed his mind, causing him to bark out a short laugh.

I'm going to need to replace all my suits in Infinite Frontiers, won't I? Damn it, I only wore a few different combinations before I left. At least my leathers seem to be growing with me. Damn it, John, stop drifting off.  You have gone without sleep before; you can do it again and make it through this.

"Do you find something funny?" Hoishino asked as they walked up to their seats.

"Just something dumb. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, and I just noticed that I need to get my suit tailored."

"Well, I need you to try and stay focused today, even if it gets pretty boring. You will be the last one on the stand, and with this many speakers, we could be here fairly late. You need to impress both the judge and those two bureaucrats sitting in the jurors' stand; they will be the ones determining the status of your visa."

"Great. Just what I needed today." He replied. He gave Rumi and the rest of Flowing Mountain a quick wave before taking his seat. She looked as ragged as he felt right now, her chocolate skin not quite able to hide the bags under her eyes. She returned his wave, then blew him a kiss, with Yu and Anan following suit a moment later.

"Do you remember how this is supposed to work?"

"Yeah, a witness is called by either you or the prosecutor, and you both ask your questions as they provide their testimony. Then I'll be called up and need to answer questions as well."

"Eh, close enough. Just make sure you are respectful to the judge, and I'm sure we can get them to show you some leniency. She isn't one of the Takeyama's judges, but she is generally a fair person, if a bit-"

"Okay! Which one of you took my parking spot!?! I swear if I find out who it was, you are getting way more than a parking ticket!" Someone shouted as they entered the courtroom from a side door. She was oddly built, with a long face, pointed ears covered in brown fur, and legs that looked like a Kangaroo's. She hopped across the room, a long brown tail sticking out of the suit she was wearing, taking her seat at the bench.

 John just gawked at her, forcing himself not to start laughing again. 

We haven't even started, and this is already turning into a Kangaroo court.

"-eccentric."

"Court is now in session. Judge Kanda Matamoto presiding." A man who John assumed was the bailiff called out from the side of the court. 

Once she settled down, she looked up and addressed the room. "Now, a few instructions before we open today's session. First, try to keep your answers short and to the point. If we need more context, one of the counsels or I will ask. Second, I deal in facts, not feelings; I ugly cry when I hear that kind of stuff, and nobody wants to see that. So, leave any of the sappy, heart-wrenching stories at your seats.

Finally, don't waste my time. I have my kids' dance recital to attend this evening, a baseball game, and then pick up two more of the brats after they... heck, I have no idea what they are doing, but I need to pick them up from the library. If I'm not out of here by 1700, there will be hell to pay. Now, let's get started. Japan versus John Suzy Wayne, also known as the Twilight Knight." She said, then slammed her gavel down.

"Yu Takeyama, also known as the Pro hero Mt Lady, please tell the court about the first time you met the defendant." Mr. Sakata asked, the opposing counsel walking around in front of everyone. He looked like... well, he was a goat in a suit. According to his lawyer, he was one of the state's better prosecutors, and they had butted heads on several occasions.

"I was fighting a villain with several other heroes. He stepped in while the villain was distracted and disabled him from behind, allowing me to get a clear shot to knock him out and detain him."

"Is it true that you tried to detain Mr. Wayne as well?"

"Well, yes. I did try."

"Please, expand on that."

"I don't know why I'm being asked this; I came here to support him."

"Please, answer the question, Mt Lady."

"I didn't recognize him as one of our registered heroes, and he was carrying a sword. I asked him for his hero licence, and when he went to provide it, he... blinded me for a few minutes. When I could see again, he was gone. I couldn't search for him as I had several wounded heroes and an unsecured villain. Not to mention that a car just exploded next to a building, and I had to deal with the fire before it spread."

"So, he assaulted two people and fled the scene?"

"That's not what-"

"Thank you, Mt Lady. Now, you had another interaction with him at the Musutafu Museum, did you not?"

"...Yes. He stopped a robbery and saved my daughter from being killed."

"Did he not wreck a priceless exhibit in the process and murder a man?"

"Well, yes. He was being chased by a powerful villain with my daughter in his arms. After he got her to safety, he drew the villain away and killed him shortly afterwards."

"And didn't you and the hero, Mirko, try to detain him?"

"Well... yes."

"And he managed to get away from you both, knocking Mirko out cold in the process?"

"Yes... he also told me where my daughter was stashed away for her safety."

"So, once again, he assaulted several people, which ended in the death of one of his victims, then fled the scene."

"Yes, but-"

"Thank you, Mt Lady. The prosecution has no more questions for this witness."

John's lawyer stood up then and began his line of questioning.

"Mt Lady, you have grown quite close to the defendant, haven't you?"

"Yes. We are dating."

"Must be hard to be on the stand and forced to provide testimony against him."

"It's... one of the worst days in my life."

"I understand. Now, in regard to both of these encounters my esteemed colleague brought up, do you believe the Twilight Knight's intervention was necessary and prevented further civilian casualties and damage to infrastructure?"

"Yes. The first time, we were nearly defeated by that villain, which would have forced me to take on my giant form to fight him. My track record at that time was rather poor for limiting collateral infrastructure damage. As for the second, that should go without saying, he saved my daughter's life when I was engaged outside of the building. Without his intervention... I'm not sure where I would be right now."

"Thank you. One last question. Since he officially became part of your hero agency, how would you rate his performance as a sidekick?"

"Excellent. If anything, I would say he is working too hard. When he isn't joining us on patrols, he uses his free time to train, either himself or some of the students from U.A. High School. He has also been working with a local NGO to travel across Japan to treat sick kids in children's hospitals. I'm not sure how he makes time for all of us, but he does." 

"Sounds like he's a good man."

"The best."

"Mr. Principal, when you hired Mr. Wayne, were you aware he was not a counsellor?" Mr. Sakata asked, with a smug grin on his face, thinking he had an easy 'win' here.

"I was indeed," Nezu replied, then took a sip from a cup of tea he had brought with him to the stand.

"Did he not- wait? You hired him despite not having the certification for the position?" Sakata asked, sounding confused. He wasn't expecting that answer.

"Yes. We had a long conversation about his lack of certifications, but I believed he had the qualifications to do the job even without that piece of paper. And I still do."

"And you don't see the problem with that?"

"What I believe doesn't matter. I'm not the one on trial here."

"Surely you must see the issue with hiring someone without-"

"Mr. Sakata, don't badger the witness. We are looking for information on Mr. Wayne, not Principal Nezu. He has his own review happening next week." The judge interrupted, setting them back on track.

"I will say that the Twilight Knight has been nothing but a positive addition to my school. In my eyes, any issues that I have seen have been fully eclipsed by the good he has done. 

"I see. No further questions."

"Mr. Yakazu, tell us about when you met Mr. Wayne at the U.S.J.," Mr. Sakata asked the rough-looking man in an orange jumpsuit.

"He snuck up on us, then proceeded to start to lop heads off. Then he brandished that bloody sword of his at us and threatened to do the same to the rest of us if we didn't surrender! I don't get scared easily, and I tell ya, I was terrified. I haven't been the same ever since. I don't think I have had a full night's sleep since that day; that terrifying image is burned into my mind. The doctors say I have PTSD and have been feeding me drugs to level out a bit."

"That sounds quite traumatic. Did you intend to harm anyone when you went to the U.S.J?"

"Apparently, the bosses did, but they didn't tell us that. We were just supposed to subdue anyone who got in their way. I ain't never killed anyone, and never intended to do more than intimidate people, maybe knock a couple heads together. Now, I have to live with the image of the boss's head being lopped off and landing at my feet for the rest of my life. I just steal stuff, he is the real villain here!"

"Thank you, Mr. Yakazu. That will be all."

The day continued in the same vein, both lawyers calling people up to the stand and asking them questions about situations that had occurred since John had arrived in this world. Sometimes they would cross-examine each witness; other times, only one of the lawyers would talk with them. 

Rumi and Anan were both called, along with several students from U.A. Even Endevour had made an appearance, and while his wording did paint him in a somewhat negative light, John's lawyer's cross-examination managed to add more context to the story.

In John's mind, he was winning easily, but there were murmurs of discontent when there were criminals speaking about the PTSD he had apparently caused them. He thought they might be overplaying it, but even if it were true, they had broken the law by attacking innocent people; their opinions carried almost no weight to him. 

His lawyer started to fidget in his seat as it was getting later in the afternoon, and kept glancing at the door, then back to his watch. 

"What's wrong?"

"One of our star witnesses hasn't arrived yet. I was hoping he would be here before we started, but he sent me a message saying he would be a few minutes late. That was nearly two hours ago."

"Who is-" John started to ask, but was interrupted by a loud bang at the back of the courtroom.  

"I AM HERE!"

The doors of the courtroom burst open, revealing All Might standing there in all his superhero glory, fist on his hips and a broad smile on his face. He started to step into the courtroom when the Judge slammed her gavel down and pointed it at him.

"NOPE! Get out! I told you not to do that to my courtroom doors again, and I meant it!"

"But, I'm here to give my test-"

"I don't care! You broke the doors off their hinges the last time you did that, and I have had enough of your disrespect. Get out and stay out until you learn how to use a door like a normal person. Not to mention that you are two hours late! You know I hate your tardiness. What is your excuse this time? Villains? Car accident? A duck trying to get its babies across the road?"

"It was the darndest thing. I was saving a woman from jumping off a bridge when I suddenly found myself in St John's, Newfoundland, on a street called George Street. Those Canucks really have some odd customs; these drunk men offered me beers and kept asking me if I had kissed the cod yet. Why would I want to kiss a fish? Then I left, but got lost on my way back here."

"That has got to be the lamest excuse I have ever heard, and you already have a few on that list. You magically teleported to Canada and got lost? Our number one hero got lost? You really expect me to believe that? Get out! You won't be giving any testimony today."

"But I really-"

"Out!"

All Might, defeated by the courts, turned around and left, closing the doors behind him. One of them fell off its hinges, leaving him standing there awkwardly holding it in his hand. He gave the judge a sheepish grin and put the door back in place.

"Crap, he was the one I was waiting for." John's lawyer muttered.

"It is what it is. We're still good, right?" John asked, trying not to sigh. When the lawyer didn't say anything, he turned to look at the blue eagle man. "We are good, right?"

"Yes. Yes. We should be fine. I'm just wishing I had told him the hearing was at 1000. He is always late for court appointments, and in the past, some villains had been released because of that tardiness. I just thought with your history, he would have been here on time. You did save his life after all."

"Yeah, I did. Whatever, maybe he really was teleported to the other side of the planet." John said, giving the man the benefit of the doubt. It was hardly the oddest thing that happened today, and they were only halfway through this hearing. He just hoped the rest of the day went smoother.