novelraw Chapter 125 I love you.
Chapter 125 I love you.
Gu Yanshen knew Lu Xiran's stubbornness.
She's always been like this; once she's made up her mind, nothing can change it. Back then, she could write emails for three years for a senior she'd never met, and now she's willing to bang her head against a wall just to get through a door.
But he absolutely could not let Lu Xiran into the master bedroom.
Behind that door lay all his secrets from the past three years.
It was his true feelings that he could no longer hide.
"Ranran." His voice lowered, almost pleading, "Don't do this."
"No."
Lu Xiran took another step forward. Very close. Close enough that he could see the tiny teardrops clinging to her eyelashes, close enough that he could smell that familiar, maddening scent emanating from her.
"Why can't I see it?"
Gu Yanshen looked away.
He dared not look her in the eyes.
Those eyes were so bright that they exposed all his disguises.
"Because this is my house." His voice was dry, like sandpaper rubbing against his throat. "You...you have no right. You have no right to see it."
No, you're not qualified.
The three words he uttered were like three knives, each one stabbing into his heart.
Lu Xiran stopped in her tracks.
She lowered her eyes.
He took two steps back.
She retreated very slowly, as if she were digesting the weight of those three words. Standing two steps away, she felt completely drained of strength, swaying precariously.
Gu Yanshen's heart clenched.
He almost reached out to help her.
But he held back.
Then--
She suddenly rushed over.
—It's not "walk," it's "rush."
Before Gu Yanshen could react, he instinctively stepped in front of her.
Lu Xiran crashed hard into him.
"What are you going to do?!"
"Break through!"
Her voice was completely out of control, filled with sobs, despair, and a desperate madness.
"Forget about bulletproof doors! I'll smash them open!"
She's gambling.
I'm betting on his reluctance.
She only mentioned feeling dizzy in the afternoon, and he immediately dropped his meeting to come over in person. The anxiety in his eyes when he picked her up, the carefulness with the back of his hand when he touched her forehead, the slight trembling of his fingers when he poured water—none of it was fake.
She doesn't believe it.
She couldn't believe he really didn't love her anymore.
I refuse to believe he doesn't love her at all!
Gu Yanshen stood there, blocking her and the door, at a loss.
She took a few steps back.
Then it charged at us again with great force.
This time he stepped forward and once again shielded her with his body.
The two people collided heavily.
He's in pain.
She was in pain too.
A muffled groan rang out at the same time, exceptionally clear in the quiet corridor.
silence.
A long silence.
Then Gu Yanshen spoke, his voice hoarse as if it had been sanded.
"Lu Xiran".
He pressed down on his heart, which was about to leap out of his chest, and slowly pressed back all the tenderness, all the heartache, and all the reluctance.
"What do you want me to say?"
He looked at her.
There was something in those eyes that she couldn't understand.
"I've never denied it," his Adam's apple bobbed violently, "I like...your body."
Lu Xiran was stunned.
"What man wouldn't like a woman as young and beautiful as you?"
He looked away, unable to bear the shattering light in her eyes.
"I'm a man too. I also have...physiological needs."
He paused, as if trying to convince himself.
"Besides, it was Lin Chen... Lin Chen who asked me to do this yesterday. I can't just have your uncle find anyone to give you the antidote, can I?"
He's finished speaking.
The corridor was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
Lu Xiran looked at him.
Looking at this person she had loved for three years, hated for three years, yet could never let go of.
She spoke slowly.
"Is it just an antidote?"
The sound was very soft.
It was as light as a sigh.
"Gu Yanshen, can you even fool yourself?"
Gu Yanshen did not speak.
He dared not say it.
He was afraid that if he opened his mouth, all the things he had suppressed for three years would come out.
Lu Xiran stood on tiptoe and breathed into his ear.
Very close.
I was so close that I could see the barely restrained look in his eyes.
"Uncle."
She called him.
That "Uncle" was exactly the same as it was three years ago.
Soft and chewy, carrying all dependence and trust.
"I love you."
she says.
Gu Yanshen stopped breathing.
"I love you like crazy."
Tears streamed down her face, but she didn't wipe them away; she just stared at him.
"I thought I could forget you. I thought I could hate you. But every moment I think of you, I love you."
Her voice began to tremble.
"I want to think about your bad points, I want to find a reason to hate you. But I can't. I really... can't."
She raised her hand and covered her face.
"I keep telling myself that you didn't want me because of the child. I feel so bad for abandoning me when I needed you the most. I should hate you. But I can't."
She lowered her hand and looked at him.
Those eyes were red and wet, yet surprisingly bright.
"I've even been taking care of my health."
Gu Yanshen's pupils contracted slightly.
"I wonder, will you be willing to look back at me once I'm able to have your child?"
Those words were like a knife, piercing straight into his heart.
"I know I am insignificant."
She smiled.
That smile was more heartbreaking than tears.
"I hate myself for this. But I just love you. I can't stop myself from loving you."
She lowered her tiptoes and rested her head against his chest.
"You wouldn't let me drink ice water, so I stopped. You wouldn't let me eat junk food, so I stopped too. For the past three years, I've lived like a robot you've been remotely controlling, just hoping that one day I could become good enough for you to look at me again."
Her voice choked.
"When Qiqi's mother asked me, 'I can't wait to protect you for the rest of my life,' my first reaction was—I can."
She moved a step away from him and looked up at him.
"I really can."
"Gu Yanshen, I love you. I really love you."
The corridor was extremely quiet.
It was so quiet you could hear her tears hitting the floor.
Gu Yanshen stood there.
Look at her.
Seeing her face covered in tears, seeing her red-rimmed eyes, seeing her stubbornness in confessing her feelings despite being deeply hurt.
His heart was churning violently.
On one hand, he was overjoyed to have such pure love from her. That joy was like a tidal wave, almost overwhelming him.
On the other hand, he felt guilty for the pain he had caused her. That guilt was like a knife, cutting into his heart again and again.
He didn't know what to do.
He just looked at her like that.
There was a moment—
Just that one moment—
He wanted to hug her.
He wanted to pull her into his arms.
He wanted to tell her that he loved her more than she loved him.
Love so much more.
He loved her so much that he would rather push her away than let her get hurt.
He loved her so much that he would rather be hated by her for a lifetime than have her die for him.
But he didn't move.
He just stood there, watching her.
I watched her cry.
Watching her confess her feelings.
Watching her cut open her heart and present it to him, bloodied and raw.
And he-
He didn't even dare to reach out and take it.