Northeast: My Absurd Woman

Chapter 216 I'd rather pull a horse and kick a steed than be an ancestor to a scoundrel.

Outside, there was the sound of Guo Erluzi and several old hens flapping their wings.

"Wu Ni, you really fooled Guo Erluzi. He probably brought us chickens."

This kid's got handsy; I hope he's not stealing. I'll go blow him up.

Zhang Changyao leaned close to Yang Wuni's most effective ear and whispered.

"Wu Ni, Chang Yao, you two don't go out, I'm going out to check."

He's not on guard against me; it'd be more effective for me to go out and blow him up than for you.

Yang Deshan held down Zhang Changyao, who was about to get out of bed, and went out to check on him while slipping on his shoes.

Just as Zhang Changyao had guessed, the five hens lay obediently at the door.

Guo Erluzi, standing to the side, leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, looking quite pleased with himself.

"Erluzi, did you get this chicken through proper channels? You didn't 'borrow' it from someone else, did you?"

Yang Deshan saw Guo Erluzi holding his head high and looking arrogant, so he deliberately said that.

"You old man, you really don't know how to chat. Do you want it or not? If not, I'll take it back."

Guo Erluzi got angry and bent down to pick up the chick.

"I think you should take it with you. We don't want anything that smells like thief in our house."

Yang Deshan kicked the chicken on the ground without any politeness, and as he walked, he unbuckled his belt to go urinate.

"Grandpa, don't go! These chickens really are ours. If you don't believe me, go ask my mother tomorrow."

Guo Erluzi's arrogance was suppressed by Yang Deshan. He fiddled with the chickens on the ground and was reluctant to leave.

Yang Deshan urinated in Fangshan, tied the floral cloth strip around his waistband, and slowly walked back.

He casually asked Guo Erluzi as he passed by, "Why haven't you left yet?" and then headed to go inside.

"Grandpa, this is really my own hen. You should put it in the coop quickly, or it will get choked."

Guo Erluzi was a little anxious, so he got up and grabbed Yang Deshan's sleeve.

"Erluzi, if you had said that earlier, none of this would have happened!"

Yang Deshan opened the chicks one by one and put them into the chicken coop.

"Uncle's got some tricks up his sleeve. With just a few words, he got Guo Erluzi, the scoundrel from Bu Leng Shuaijia, to behave himself," Zhang Changyao said to Liao Zhi in a low voice.

"Everything has its counter, just as brine can set tofu, evil people don't eat soft food, and prostitutes can't sleep on a clean bed."

Liao Zhisheng was afraid that Wu Ni wouldn't understand, so he deliberately changed what he wanted to say into a country accent.

"Don't talk, we're coming inside." Yang Wuni covered Liao Zhi's mouth.

"Auntie, I sent Hu Xianjun back home and stayed at his house for a few more days."

I brought you the chicks you wanted before I even got home.

Guo Erluzi went into the house and got on the kang (a heated brick bed), stepping on the dirt and chicken droppings all over the edge of the kang without taking off his shoes.

"Erluzi, you'd better return the chicks to them by tomorrow."

"We don't have any chickens at home, and we certainly wouldn't want yours."

Zhang Changyao glanced at the soles of Guo Erluzi's shoes and, after hearing his casual remark, concluded that the chickens were of dubious origin.

"Uncle, why...why are you saying this? You...you can predict the future, can't you?"

Guo Erluzi was clearly feeling guilty; his straight back, which had been slouching just moments before, suddenly slumped down.

With his head down, he used his hands to pick at the dirt and burrs in the cracks along the edge of the kang (a heated brick bed).

"I can't do math, but my son Liao Zhi can. He used to be a shaman."

Zhang Changyao pointed at Liao Zhi and bestowed this "good title" upon Liao Zhi.

"Erluzi, go now and send it back before they find out."

Life is so hard for ordinary people these days; even an old hen is more precious than a person.

You stole these old hens from someone; no wonder they came after you!

You're like Wang Erxiao herding cattle, not driving them to good grass. You've already smashed the jar before it even breaks; your good days are over.

When Yang Wuni heard Guo Erluzi admit that he had stolen the chicken, she stretched out his arm and urged him to get down and return the chicken.

"You little brat, you're a complete idiot, you're such a fool."

If someone is already so dishonest at such a young age, who will dare to do business with them in the future?

If you don't return the chicken tonight, they'll come looking for you tomorrow morning.

You'd be like a rat that's fallen into a cesspool; not only would you stink, but everyone would loathe you and wish they could stomp on you.

Zhang Changyao saw that Guo Erluzi was hesitant and didn't want to get down.

He climbed onto the kang (a heated brick bed), stuck out one foot, and smacked him on the buttocks.

Guo Erluzi lost his balance and slammed his head against the wooden door with a "bang".

"You little rascal, you've really given this old man something to do. We just let the chickens out of the coop, and now we have to drag them out and tie them up again."

Yang Deshan then grabbed the chickens, tied them up, and threw them on the ground.

Guo Erluzi knew he had lost face, so he left the house without saying a word.

Guo Erluzi carried five chickens and placed them on the donkey cart at the door.

Obediently, he drove the donkey cart southward toward the house where he had stolen chickens.

"Zhang Changyao, how did you figure that out?" Yang Wuni looked at Zhang Changyao with admiration.

"This story begins with Guo Erluzi's mother."

Guo Erluzi's mother is an incredibly powerful and superstitious old lady.

She didn't know where she heard it from, but it was said that men shouldn't go into chicken coops, otherwise the hens wouldn't lay eggs.

When he was little, Guo Erluzi was greedy and would take advantage of his mother's absence.

He secretly cooked and ate the eggs that his mother had left in the chicken coop.

When his mother came back, she saw chicken droppings on the soles of his shoes.

They dipped a leather whip in cold water and beat him until his skin was torn and bleeding.

Since then, Guo Erluzi has never dared to walk past his chicken coop.

Look, when he came in, the soles of his shoes were covered in chicken droppings.

He also said that he had just returned from Hu Xianjun's house and had not yet arrived home.

"He hasn't even gotten home yet, so these chickens must have been stolen from someone else's house, right?" Zhang Changyao said, then proudly crossed his legs.

"Son-in-law, why did you say Liao Zhi can perform shamanistic rituals? What does that mean?"

Yang Deshan, rubbing tobacco leaves, asked Zhang Changyao in confusion.

"Hahaha! Saying that Liao Zhi can perform shamanistic rituals is just to scare him."

This kid is capable of anything, we have to be careful around him.

It's not the theft itself that's scary, it's the thief's eye on us. If he has a leader to fear, he won't dare to steal our things.

Haven't you heard? It's better to pull the horse and kick the steed for a hero than to be an ancestor for a scoundrel.

Guo Erluzi is worse than a lazy bum; he's a damn donkey.

Under the admiring gazes of Yang Wuni and Yang Deshan, Zhang Changyao spoke with spittle flying everywhere.

"Zhang Changyao, you've got a head that's not wasted if you don't write books."

Have you mailed our short story to the newspaper yet?

Liao Zhi gained a new understanding of Zhang Changyao's narrative ability and eloquence, and suddenly remembered the last time he wrote something.

"Oh? Haha! I forgot, I'll go to the mail tomorrow."

Zhang Changyao subconsciously touched his shirt pocket and responded to Liao Zhi with a silly grin.

"Aunt, Uncle, no... something bad has happened! People are chasing me from behind."

Hiding it in the box won't work, there's no time. Hiding it inside the box curtain will do.

Squat inside the pot, cover it with the lid, and they probably won't see you.

Or I'd better stay in the woodpile; it's safer there.