novelraw Chapter 162 - I'm greedy
Chapter 162 - I'm greedy
If it was the Shi Enxi of the past then Fan Xiao Yao's words would be nothing to her, she wouldn't be affected. Her cold, stone heart will never be move but at that moment, she felt so suffocated because of the heaviness she felt in her heart.
Her heart was not cold, it wasn't made of stone anymore. She began caring for the woman beside her ever since she took her under her wings.
What's more painful for Shi Enxi was the way Fan Xiao Yao smiled at her. The more she looked at that bitter smile that was plastered on her lips, the more it was hard for her to open her mouth and say something.
Fan Xiao Yao wiped her tears off her cheeks before she took her bag and stood up. She wanted to leave the place after venting out on her but before she could even leave, Shi Enxi stopped her by grabbing her hand as she finally managed to say something. "X-Xiao Yao..."
Tears escaped her eyes, running away upon her cheeks, For some reason, Shi Enxi felt that if she allowed Fan Xiao Yao to leave at that moment, she will never be able to see her again.
Fear filled her c.h.e.s.t when it entered her mind. The thought of it scared her. Who would have thought that she will be afraid of losing the person she once hated?
"Let go of me..." Fan Xiao Yao said without turning to her since she didn't want to see Shi Enxi's face. She tried to pull back her hand away from her hold but it only made the other woman hold on to her even tighter.
"Shi Enxi, let go-" She stopped upon feeling the hug that her friend suddenly gave her. Because of that hug, she burst out in tears again.
"Xiao Yao..."
Fan Xiao Yao tried to struggle but it only made Shi Enxi tighten her arms around her. No... She didn't want to let her leave. She was not going to allow her to leave... She didn't want to lose her.
Shi Enxi's lips trembled as she tried her best to speak out the words she has never told her even once, "I... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, Yaoyao."
Her body stopped resisting with the words Shi Enxi said. It was as if Fan Xiao Yao felt her heart shudder when she heard the words she never expected to hear from her.
Shi Enxi has never apologized to her. She has always pushed her away even after getting along with her. She has never opened herself completely to her.
There was something in her apology, a pain behind it but it was genuine and the woman who wanted to leave could feel it.
"I..." It was hard for Shi Enxi to say it out but it was now or never. Fan Xiao Yao has always been honest to her just like right now. "I've always... always been envious of you..."
Once again, her words surprised her friend. She never thought that someone like Shi Enxi would be jealous of her. She has nothing, no family, she wasn't that smart and she wasn't even that rich. The only thing she was proud of was her acting skills but... Shi Enxi was better than her in so many ways so how can she be jealous of her?
"You... were always filled with smiles... You were always genuinely loved by others. You can always... always make others easily like you... easily love you..." She buried her face on her shoulder, drenching that part of Fan Xiao Yao's shirt.
She became stiff when she felt the wetness on her shoulder. It was the first time she has ever seen Shi Enxi cry.
"We both lost our parents... And yet... I've always wondered... How can you still be filled with love? How you never hate this cruel world? How can you still show pure kindness? I-I've always been envious, Yaoyao..." It was not easy for her to be honest especially towards the woman she has always seen as a rival. A small audible sniff was heard from her before she continued, "Despite our similarities... You turned into someone I couldn't be... Someone I have once wished to become... But as you can see, that didn't happen."
She loosened her hug as she closed her eyes, "I turned into someone full of jealousy... Full of hate... I ended up becoming the opposite of who I wanted to become that's why... I tried to steal everything from you... I wanted to steal the love everyone has for you..."
"Ha..." A small, mocking chuckle escaped from Fan Xiao Yao's lips. "And now, you did. You stole Mello's love and now, you stole Huang Li's love-no, you didn't steal his love, his love has always been with you from the start... That's what you want, right? Now... you have all their love."
"No, that's not what I want now." She slightly leaned back, revealing her face full of tears. She let go of her and this time, she held both of her hands as she looked straight into her eyes. "During my childhood, Huang Li was the only person who became my friend... Who never betrayed me... The only person who was willing to stay by my side... He's my family. But you see, I was greedy... I continued to be one even when we grew up. It's true... I tried to steal away Mello from you... I tried to use you for my own gain. But..." She gave her hands a squeeze, "Yaoyao... Even after what I did... You never stopped being my friend... No matter how many times I tried to push you away, you kept on being kind to me..."
Once again, her tears streamed down her cheeks. It wasn't just her tho, it was also Fan Xiao Yao. They both were crying.
Shi Enxi lowered her head as she cried out, "T-Thank you... Thank you for being my friend... Even after my betrayal, you kept on staying by my side... I-I know that I don't deserve having you as my friend... But... Yaoyao, I'm greedy... I still want you to be my friend... To be my best friend... My sister... I'm sorry... I'm sorry for being a bad friend to you... Please forgive me."