My Alleged Husband

Chapter 603 - 582: No Pain, No Hatred_1

"Since it hurts you so much inside, if you have any grievances, just tell me. Is it my arrival that has turned your family into this mess? If you pin all the blame on me, won’t your heart be happy and joyful?

You are clearly not the type of person to give up everything for your own selfish interests, so why do you cry for me? When I saw you cry for me, I thought I still had some place in your heart, that at least you were willing to shed a tear for me."

But now it seems that all of it was just my own delusional thinking. I’ve waited for you for so many years in vain, not even receiving a word of thanks from you, not a single apology, instead being met with pictures of you and your husband, affectionate and loving. How could I possibly find peace in my heart? Truthfully, everyone has their selfish side. I can’t be so selflessly magnanimous; I can’t just watch the woman I love, the woman I yearn for, be happy in another man’s arms while I bless her in silence. I won’t do it!

I swore a long time ago that if I couldn’t have the one I wanted, I would not let others have her. What I want, I will get by any means, even if it means plunging into an abyss from which I can never crawl out. I would willingly do so, especially for you—I used to like you so much, for your sake, I gave everything without expecting anything in return. But later, I realized that it was impossible to be like what I wished in my heart. I, too, have desires, I, too, have my extravagant hopes; my desire is to be with you, my extravagant hope is that you would turn your head, see me, and choose to be with me. But all of this, in the end, is just smoke from the past. This whole life of mine will never have you, but why should I let anyone else have you?

If you hate me, then continue hating me. I know I’ve caused you pain.

No matter what choice you make, my heart will be happy, at least you shed a tear for me, at least you were sad for me, at least you were in pain because of me, at least you chose to hate me because of me. It’s enough for me. I cannot ensure that you are always happy and carefree, but I can at least provide you with the best life, I can at least make you feel my love for you, unlike your husband who, because of a trivial matter, because of the appearance of a man, chose to be full of doubts about you. I will never doubt you for the rest of my life, because in my heart, the person I trust the most is you!"

"Enough, stop saying these things to me. I won’t believe you, no matter what," she said. "Once, I didn’t hurt or hate, but let me tell you that I still don’t hurt or hate even now. Although sometimes I am in excruciating pain, I choose not to hate you because everything you did was for me. I have no right to hate you, you have suffered too much and endured too many hardships for my sake, how could I not know? But I can’t. When I chose to be with my husband, I was destined to be his woman for life, I couldn’t commit any act of betrayal against him or our family. Yet your appearance has shattered all this balance. Because of you, I can’t go on living with the man I love. Aren’t you satisfied yet? How much more do you have to hurt me, before your heart can be content before you can give up?"

"Chen Gang, you’re right that everyone has their selfish side, but selfishness is not a reason to hurt others, not to hurt one’s best friend for one’s own personal interest. If I were you, I would never do such a thing. In my eyes, friendship is more important than love. Without friendship, what’s the use of love? I have indeed given up a lot for my husband, but when he spoke those ruthless words, my heart did die a little, still, I never thought of hurting you to obtain my own happiness. Do you understand? But now, as I see it, everything I did for you was not worth it. You are not worth all that I’ve done for you."

"To save you, I’ve given up my family, my beloved husband, my son, my loving grandfather, and everything, just to ensure your safety, to prevent my husband from walking the path of crime. But in the end, I’m met with this outcome. Are you still not giving up, still trying to flirt with me? You think you are hurting me, taking revenge on my husband with your actions. But do you understand that by doing this, you are not really hurting anyone else, but inflicting true harm on yourself? Please, I’m begging you to wake up, stop the futile struggles, stop the pointless sacrifices. We cannot be. Even if I really can’t return to the past, can’t be together with the man I love, can’t go back to my once happy family again, I will never choose to be with you. I am not the kind of woman who would choose her lifelong partner for money. I can be penniless, I can scavenge for trash with my husband, I just don’t want to live a lifetime with a man I don’t love."

"My love for a man comes from the heart, it doesn’t have ulterior motives. Maybe you’ve misunderstood my love for my husband, but I hope you can understand, my love for him is something you will never comprehend in this lifetime because of what you’ve done, I just cannot trust you, you know?"

Chen Gang could only laugh bitterly; in the end, he still lost to a man who had hurt his woman the most. Yet she lost without regrets, for how could she blame anyone else when the fault was hers, when she had chosen this path herself—she could only continue on her knees. Knowing that there was a precipice ahead, she still had to jump headlong into it, knowing that the woman in front of her might still not choose to be with him after his return to the country. But he still harbored a faint hope that one day she might come back to him, only to be cruelly slapped by reality and left with no chance to resist. Fate mocks so, everything was predestined, so why did he fall in love with a woman he shouldn’t have, thereby destroying the prime years of his life...