My Alleged Husband

Chapter 586 - 565 Unquestionable_1

Do you think I did this willingly? There are so many things outside my control. Do you think I really don’t want to forget you? But have you ever considered how hard that is? I haven’t forgotten you, despite the years that have gone by. I couldn’t erase you from my memory, so how could I make such a paltry matter a reality in such a short time?

People like you only ever make demands of others, never considering their feelings. You never understand what others truly want, just dumping everything on them, forcing them to silently endure the pressure of what they do not want.

Everyone has their own feelings. Why do you all only care about your own without sparing a thought for mine? I’m truly helpless here. After all these years, I still can’t forget you, so how could I possibly ask you to forget?

"Zhihan, why can’t you see anyone else in your eyes? Why can you only see your husband and everyone else now, yet remain blind to me? Am I really so worthless to you, so insignificant that I don’t even deserve one glance from you?"

I’m so envious of you because I know that no matter where you go, at least your husband truly loves you. He would do anything for you, but me? I can only stay here silently, never able to leave, not even afforded the chance to catch your eye. You might feel relieved now, but you don’t understand what kind of training, what kind of torment awaits us.

If it were your husband standing here instead of me, how would you treat him? Would you ignore him as you do me? Sometimes I mock myself, wondering why I foolishly waited all these years, only to be looked down upon by others. Why did I spend my youth on a woman who doesn’t matter to me, only to watch her entangled in the arms of another, forever out of my reach? How awful must that feeling be?

I don’t understand what your husband thinks of our relationship, but I’m certain his views aren’t favorable. Since you’ve been involved with me, he won’t let you off so easily. As a man, can’t you see how intense his possessiveness must be?"

"Chen Gang, no matter how convincingly you dress your words, I won’t believe you. Stop bothering me. Give me a chance to escape, to fend for myself. Stop entangling me time and again. There’s really no need to speak to me in that tone over and over. It’s impossible for us to return to our past, all that’s behind us. No matter how strong our feelings were, now there’s nothing left.

To me now, I can only see you as a classmate, nothing more. Whether you accept it or not, I don’t care. Since I’ve made this decision today, it means I’m ready to risk it all. You don’t need to think up any more ways to communicate with me, to discuss with me, only to turn around and try to threaten or exploit me!

I’m no saint, and I can’t accept being used by someone. All I want is a peaceful life, not for our relationship to become so passive, so awkward. Let’s give each other a way out, so everyone can have the chance to feel this way. No matter what you say now, I can’t listen anymore. No more wasting your words. Think carefully about how to maintain our current relationship without making it more strained.

Stop treating past thoughts and deeds as chains that bind us. Even so, the chain between us has broken. Once broken, the chain cannot be mended, nor can we act as if nothing happened. There’s too much distance between us now. My qualifications are not as high as yours, my achievements not as many. I don’t want to be a cause of distress for you, something neither of us wants to see. Maybe you don’t think it’s a big deal, but it’s different for me. I can’t owe you anything. Do you understand?"

"Zhihan, I know that nothing I say now will matter, but I still hope you understand that what I did for you is not unjustified. I don’t care how you really view me; I just want you to know that some things, once past, can’t revert to their original state. As you said, no matter how tirelessly I guard, how desperately I wait, you won’t turn back to be with me. That time is gone, and we can’t return to it. Our gap has grown too wide. You no longer see or hold me in your heart. What can I do? Surely I can’t knock you out and take you home, to keep you locked by my side for life. That’s unrealistic!

Sometimes I know such actions will put us in an uncomfortable position, making our relationship utterly embarrassing. But I still can’t help myself; to see you anytime I wish, I’m willing to pay any price. Yet you never understand why I would pay such a heavy toll. In your eyes, perhaps it’s nothing, but to me, it’s too important.

I’ve decided to give up going abroad, to sacrifice everything for you, because no matter what I do, I will never receive anything in return from you. Instead, I’ll seem like I’m bothering you. I don’t expect thanks, but it’s even worse that I inadvertently give you the excuse to doubt me. Why should I degrade myself like this? I’m a man with dignity. I can give up everything for the sake of my dignity, but you?

You can’t. I could have given up my dignity for you, but in the end, I realized I won’t throw away my most precious self-respect for anyone. If I’m without you, I still have my self-respect. But without it, I truly have nothing in this world..."