My Alleged Husband

Chapter 523 - 502: Lucky?_1

Xia Jing couldn’t help but burst into laughter. She knew that in this man’s eyes, no matter how terribly she erred, she would always appear flawless. Yet it was precisely because of this that she became even more reckless, never once considering an apology, let alone making amends. But today, she understood that no matter how proud she once was, it was now imperative for her to understand the "three obediences and four virtues" and to know what it meant to be a woman, the duties of a wife, and the demeanor of a mother. She realized all her past had become irretrievable, yet she still wanted to shoulder her responsibilities as a mother. She knew she owed nothing to anyone over the years; the only person she truly owed was her son.

If she hadn’t left Zhang Zhentian back then, why would she have had to prove to herself, through so much hardship, that she was the most capable one?

If she hadn’t heartlessly run away from home seeking freedom, how could his every step have become so arduous, so painfully difficult?

If not for her desires, how could she have possibly committed such heinous sins? Sins no one could forgive, while she carried on as if nothing had happened.

"Zhentian, thank you for the love you’ve given me over the years. I’ve seen it all, because of your love, my life has always been colorful!

I must admit, the day you abandoned me, my colorful world suddenly turned dull and gloomy. At that moment, I felt as though the entire sky had collapsed, that no part of it stood by me. Do you know? I felt so helpless at that moment, I wanted to cry so badly, but I couldn’t—I understood I had to keep strong as the leader of mercenaries, to live on strongly, to show everyone that even if abandoned, one must not cry. Since I’ve been abandoned, I must become stronger and make the person who left me deeply regret their decision."

I am aware of how profound your love for me has been; it’s an affection that penetrates to the bone. Actually, you don’t know that at first, my love for you wasn’t genuine. I was only after your money, just playing with your feelings. But gradually, I realized how deep your love was, how pure, and I began to feel somewhat guilty. Eventually, I too fell in love with you slowly, until I couldn’t extract myself, sinking deeper. I knew my life would be ruined because of you, for I could no longer leave you. I valued you more than my life, and I could not bear to have you leave me. If you left, I would be in agony."

"Being with you truly made me happy, but you just said that marrying me was the greatest fortune of your life, and that you’ve never regretted marrying me. However, I still want to tell you that marrying me was not your fortune, but the biggest mistake of your life. I have thought of many ways to confess everything to you, but never knew where to begin. Today, however, seems like a good opportunity, so let me bare all my thoughts to you!"

Every day before was a day of fear for me, as I dreaded the moment you would learn the truth. That I was with you not out of true love, but to use you. I was truly worried at that moment, fearing you would leave me once you knew the truth. But later, I realized our relationship couldn’t last because you couldn’t tolerate my lies. I know that to cover one small lie, ten more are needed, and each new lie paves the way for the next, until they become an enormous web that’s impossible to mend. Yet, I’m grateful that you’ve always treated me as your most important woman. Do you know? That feeling is truly blissful. Lying in your arms, every day was carefree until I lost you. Only then did I understand the agony of loss. At that moment, I understood how much it hurt to be abandoned. Only then did I realize how terribly I had hurt my son and father by abandoning them. Their pain was just like mine, and I decided I had to repay my son and father, to let them live under the care of my love..."

Zhang Zhentian never expected that his wife hadn’t married him for love, but to use him. When he heard this news, part of him couldn’t accept it. Why would the woman he loved so much initially be with him only out of exploitation, not genuine affection? Did she really value him so little? Did he really not deserve her care and love?

He pondered over and over, struggling with his inner turmoil, unsure how to respond to every word his wife had said. Should he pretend everything was okay and nonchalantly insist that there’s no problem, this doesn’t matter, I don’t blame you? But he couldn’t. It pained him. Why did the woman he loved have to do this to him?

In the end, he spoke.

"It’s impossible to say that I don’t mind about this; I can’t just magnanimously tell you it’s okay, I don’t blame you. But what can I say? To say I truly hate you? But I can’t bring myself to hate you, because you are the woman I love most in my heart. Yet to say I don’t hate you is also impossible. The woman I loved so deeply, how could you be so heartless as to hurt me like this? Do you really think so little of my love? Do you think my feelings for you are just an act? Don’t you know how much I love you? Are you satisfied only when you push me to the brink of despair, is that when you’ll be content?"

Xia Jing shook her head. She had never intended to drive Zhang Zhentian to a dead end. She just hadn’t expected to eventually fall in love with the man before her. Initially, it was all an act, a game to play with his emotions. But in the end, she fell hopelessly in love.