My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1793 - 1587: Waiting

A person’s life will always be full of waiting, often accompanied by countless unexpected events.

Zhang Zhentian never imagined that living with his wife would be so difficult, and that there would be not even a trace of happiness. What had he done as a husband to make her feel so sad and miserable? Did he appear so incompetent as a husband in her eyes? He sincerely hoped his wife would be happy living with him, but why was there no joy when they were together? Every word his wife spoke felt like a dagger in his heart, hurting so deeply. He devoted everything to her, yet received only indifference in return. And today, the hurtful words she said to him left him heartbroken. What could he do to ease his wife’s discomfort, to achieve a joyous life together? Did release and leave her truly equate to her liberation and happiness?

As soon as this idea surfaced in Zhang Zhentian’s mind, he quickly suppressed it. He didn’t want it to linger because it frightened him how much he cared for his wife. He couldn’t live without her. If he really did let her go, who could he turn to for the rest of his life? He couldn’t live alone forever. Such an occurrence would render life joyless.

"Wife, I know everything I’ve done in the past has made you sad and caused you embarrassment. I was selfish and made you bear so many burdens for me. I know all of this is my fault; I shouldn’t have treated you selfishly. But genuinely, I can’t leave you. Leaving me is like ripping out my soul, skinning me, draining my blood. You are the only person I can’t live without. So many beautiful memories; can you really just turn away and forget them? I can’t believe those things don’t exist in your memory anymore. How I long to continue living with you. Could you give me some time, another chance, to trust me and continue being my companion in life, allowing us to truly be happy together and have each other? Why must this be so painful for both of us? You would suffer from leaving me, and I would be in agony. Why use my mistakes to punish yourself?"

Xia Jing’s heart was also reluctant to let go of this relationship. After all, it was a bond cultivated over years of living, through ten years of marriage, weathering countless storms hand in hand. How could she selfishly abandon it now, forsaking the happiness this relationship could bring? Why should she be as selfish as before, thinking only of herself? Yet, if she agreed to be together again, who could guarantee that past mistakes wouldn’t repeat themselves? Even a lie could lead to divorce—what benefit was there in being with him again, in his eyes what value did she hold?

"I really don’t know if I should believe anything you say. Years ago, you made similar promises but never upheld them. Promises have become routine, regardless of your assurances, you never considered my emotions; never forget the harm inflicted. I can forgive you the first and each subsequent time, but a lie that led to divorce remains an everlasting pain I can’t forget. Remember how resolute you were, forcefully taking me to the gate of the civil administration office to demand a divorce. I agreed, and afterward, you sought me out. I know these things, but I can’t go through it again. Every time I am with you, I remember pleading desperately with you at the civil office, your firm stance, your hardness, ignoring my pleas. You left me, and in that moment, your heart seemed happy. Separated over these years, I don’t know what you’ve experienced, yet you claim to return and order me back to your side. Why should I endure this treatment repeatedly? Just because you were once my husband, should I excuse you time and again? I am not a Saint; I can’t manage a relationship that way. Your hurt is just hurt; it doesn’t vanish because of a few simple appeals for forgiveness. I can’t love you like before; that love vanished. Why make things difficult now? I want to live my life, without days defined by you, days which are far happier than with you. I can live freely, do as I wish, enjoy my own world. When you were around, my thoughts revolved around you, fearing our presence harmed others. But you never cared; you only enjoyed life. Such a person doesn’t deserve to be with me, nor do I deserve someone like you. Your selfishness frightens me, and your actions terrify me. I don’t want these days anymore. Living like that felt like walking on thin ice each day. I can’t endure it; the mental strain is too much. If this continues, I fear my mind will collapse. I hope that day never comes soon. I wish to live longer and hope my son forgives me. I don’t want to lose my precious life because of you. Please, don’t bother me anymore; neither of us benefit from it!"

I dare not hope for more, but I truly wish you could return to my side. Maybe that remains my lifetime’s greatest hope!