My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1787 - 1581: Crossroads

I still can’t believe it, that I would wait for you at the next intersection to come back, and it doesn’t matter that there’s no news from you.

Zhang Zhentian couldn’t understand what else his wife couldn’t do now. A perfectly normal person had almost completely lost her mind for the sake of her first boyfriend, going so far as to harm her own family to this point. He didn’t know how to describe his wife, but he also knew that he once was such a person himself, willing to abandon his own family for the sake of his wife. Yet in the end, reality slapped him hard, no matter how much he gave, he would never get the best response in his seventy years because the person his wife loved was not him. He was being used again and again just to make him love her even more wholeheartedly.

For Xia Ji, Xia Jing felt that everything she had ever done had completely hurt her husband. No matter what decision her husband made, he could only accept it gladly. There was nothing he could do to change many things. He knew that everything was just the consequence of his own actions, who else could he blame? Ultimately, all of this would only lead to deeper pain, but if her actions caused her family to suffer massive blows again, she was very unwilling in her heart.

Everyone makes mistakes, but the scary part is not making mistakes frequently, it’s not knowing to repent after making them, making the same mistakes over and over again, hurting those who love you most. That’s what is truly terrifying. How many mistakes does one need to make in a lifetime to realize how badly they have hurt the people who once loved them the most, to know to repent, to realize how much they had been wrong? In this lifetime, he made decisions again and again, and ultimately only his family got hurt, while those who didn’t care about him would never let him suffer harm.

I’ve slowly realized now just how wrong my past actions were. I hurt the person who loved me the most, and the person I loved the most left me because of it. I don’t know what else I can do in this life, but I know I’ve reached a point of no return. The repeated blows have left me with indelible wounds.

"Zhentian, I know that whatever I say now is of no help, having caused you immense psychological harm. But please believe me, I had no other intentions. All I wanted was a peaceful life. Every decision I made hurt you, that’s a truth I’ve accepted for this lifetime. But do you know? I also wanted to stay by your side. Everyone makes mistakes, I’ve made so many, and time and again you chose to forgive me. Do you really think my heart was unmoved? I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve done too much, and in the end, I’ve become numb!"

"Please don’t ask me to say sorry to you anymore. I know that your heart is completely rejecting me now. You no longer know which of my words is true and which is false. I understand that feeling, being fooled time and again by the person you love the most, having to stay quietly in the dark; it’s really unbearable. So no matter what decision you make about me or what you say, I won’t blame you. After all, it’s me who destroyed the happy life I could have had. I don’t know why I ever made such decisions, hurting you, hurting the person who loved me the most. Nothing I’ve ever done was right; every single mistake I made has only hurt you guys!

I have never regretted something so deeply; this is the greatest regret of my life. Because I don’t know whether what I did was wrong, I can’t turn back anymore. Time has already ravaged me beyond repair. Watching time flow away, I have no road left to retreat to!

Thank you for your tolerance, but in the end, I still disappointed your highest expectations of me. I’m sorry, this will be the last time I say sorry in this life. I don’t know where I might still see you from a corner in the future. Even if you don’t say or respond to anything, I will choose to leave you. I won’t live with you anymore because my presence and my life have only brought endless pain to you, never any comfort!

You could have had a more perfect, happier life in this lifetime, but it was my appearance that messed up your whole life plan. I’m sorry, I used to regret it so much. All I wanted was to stay by your side, but why, ultimately, time and again, my actions hurt you? All these years, although I’ve been waiting for my first boyfriend to come back to my side, I also understand that it’s nothing but an empty fantasy. Whereas you were the one who showed up by my side repeatedly, protecting and comforting me, bringing me happiness!"

"Don’t you think it’s inappropriate to say these things now? I was so sincere to you, yet you chose to hurt me this way. How do you have the rights or reasons to say these things to me now? What kind of man am I in your eyes? Can’t I give you any happiness or joy? All these years we were together, whether your laughter came from the heart or you smiled brilliantly at me, I was happy just to see a slight smile. I felt like the world’s happiest man. But why would you slap me in the face like this? What do I mean to you? Can’t you give me even a little happiness, a bit of comfort? Did everything have to be done so harshly that there was no turning back?"

I must admit that now, you’ve completely lost your mind. You’re no longer the Xia Jing I used to know. Your actions are no longer based on anything but blindly following your heart. You don’t even know what you want anymore, just that your heart misses someone. You would give up everything, even at the cost of your life for him. But don’t you know, your every action has completely shattered my sincere feelings for you! How could you bear to hurt me?"

If only you could return to my side, I would use all my strength to hold you tightly in my arms and never let you leave again in this life.