My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1784 - 1578: Melancholy

Perhaps this is the last time I refuse to return to your side. I should have stopped this self-abusive way long ago. I shouldn’t keep testing the feelings between us because everything can’t withstand the torment of time.

Zhang Zhentian never imagined his father could be so heartless. As a son, he is already kneeling on the ground, begging so desperately. Yet his father remains indifferent, refusing to forgive this mistake, making Zhang wonder what he was thinking back then. He had promised that only by receiving his father’s forgiveness could he face his son. Now, isn’t this putting himself in a difficult position? Why must he repeatedly abandon all his dignity to beg for his father’s forgiveness? Clearly, the doctors said his father wouldn’t forgive him, nor did he want his son to return home, to his side.

Is it possible that this is all just wishful thinking? All he hopes for is that every family member can treat him well, live peacefully, enjoying harmony. Why use unpleasant matters to hurt each other repeatedly? Obviously, a family can live happily together, but mutual harm results only in unrest for everyone.

He really wishes he could find a place to hide away. Never in his life has he been so humiliated as today, kneeling for forgiveness, while his father never even mentioned forgiving him, only negotiating terms. To him, it’s a matter of great humiliation; he feels his father never views him as a biological son. Yet he never considered why his father behaves this way. His father’s method is an attempt to prove whether his actions are right or wrong. He sees only others’ mistakes, others’ stories, never looking at his own, like one carrying two pockets—one sees only others’ faults, and the other perceives his own virtues, never acknowledging the harm his mistakes cause others.

"Dad, I never imagined myself kneeling here, desperately pleading for your forgiveness, yet you never said you’d forgive me. It’s truly bewildering. If it wasn’t for the promise to my son that I must earn your forgiveness, I wouldn’t kneel here today, lowering myself to such lengths. You are my father, but I’ve never lost my dignity like this before. I’ve always held my dignity in high regard, yet I say nothing because I know that as long as I follow my inner decisions, I will achieve what I wish. But when I realized that what I most desire has completely diverged from my path, do you know? I truly realized I have changed; I am not the person I once knew."

I wish every decision you make would allow every family member to see clearly, and I, too, could see clearly why I do what I do. I hope you can provide us with a complete family.

I wish you would give me the opportunity to be with my child, watching him live happily. I wish I could make up for all the years I was absent from his life.

But why are you unwilling to give me a chance? Do you truly see all my actions as disgraceful? I yearn so much for a chance, an opportunity to start anew, yet you repeatedly use such words to hurt me, making me understand that no matter what I do, I cannot return to what was."

Xia Jing couldn’t bear seeing Zhang Zhentian desperately pleading with his father, yet finding no understanding. She doesn’t wish for her husband’s dignity to be trampled underfoot like this. She hopes her husband can reclaim the dignity that rightfully belongs to him. She decides to take all the blame upon herself, thinking that maybe it’s better to voice everything rather than bury it deep within. Otherwise, she doesn’t know how to deal with it.

"Dad, I’m sorry, I know leaving this family was indeed my mistake. If it weren’t for me, your son wouldn’t have abandoned you, unaware of the grudge you hold deep inside for this matter. You don’t trust anyone...

Because deep down, you feel that once someone gains your trust, they betray and hurt you. But we are not heartless; we hope for understanding and support from our family. The decision we made was indeed wrong, and we have thoroughly realized it. Could you consider my feelings from my perspective? I hope everyone can care for each other, be empathetic, and contemplate the life they truly want. Can we avoid hurting our relatives anymore?

Perhaps you think I’m the least qualified to say this now, given I turned everything into this parental strife. What right do I have to ask for your forgiveness, to say these words now?

I just want my conscience to be clear. I regret the actions I’ve taken before. If there truly were a remedy for regret, I’d take it. If time could reverse, I’d return to the beginning and never choose to leave my child. As a mother, not being with my child for so many years brings sadness, but I never imagined such indifference upon meeting. I didn’t expect my actions to burden him with such heavy, unbearable sorrow in Shanghai. I hope the harm I’ve done can end here; I do not want the discord between us to hurt those dear to us anymore.

I know kneeling here today, pleading for so long, was in vain. You will not believe us or forgive us because the mistakes we made have already cost all your trust. You won’t forgive like you did before, without hesitation, because you can’t..."

I used to always question who was by your side, but now I’ve grown accustomed to accepting everything; I won’t question anything anymore as I did before!