My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1369 - 1192: Nightfall

The night has ravaged my heart; I’ve forgotten how I can endure all this pain.

Life is like this, making us lose our most cherished things time and again, only to realize how much we cared about them once they’re gone. When we had them, no one thought about the consequences of taking them for granted, or why everyone was so selfish, disregarding others’ comfort for their own ideas.

One inevitably encounters significant events in life, yet ultimately, everyone ends up with just this pain. Some people give their all repeatedly for themselves, yet no one knows how they managed through life.

Has anyone pondered how they really spent their life? Enduring one agony after another, who has thought about how to bear it all? With each deadly strike and the freshest pain, who truly understands? We numb ourselves with work during the day, but what do we use to numb ourselves at night? My thoughts of longing grow deeper with each passing day, turning me into a walking corpse, and I no longer know what I really want. No one knows what kind of ending awaits them in this life.

Perhaps life is like this, suffering through endless hardship and ultimately experiencing the separation from loved ones. But do we really know how we ended up this way? People live through pain repeatedly, but who knows what kind of damage they’ll suffer? Everyone’s life is like this, yet we still find ourselves trapped in the most painful abyss of our own making. Everyone is the same, but who knows what kind of life would truly satisfy them?

Many people’s hearts are inherently greedy. Some harm those closest and dearest to them to satisfy their own interests, while others are willing to give everything for the happiness of the ones they love the most.

Zhang Zhentian really doesn’t know how to persuade his wife. He knows she’s truly trapped in a pit of pain from which she can’t escape. No one can save her. He’s jolted awake from nightmares repeatedly at night. She turns her life into decision after decision. She hurts herself time and again, just hoping for that person she longs for to turn back and look at her, to be by her side, even if only for a day. Are hearts really so fragile? Why do our hearts wither so under the passage of time, making everything insignificant and vulnerable?

Xia Jing understands what Zhang Zhentian thinks. After so many years as husband and wife, how could there be no thoughts? If they didn’t have even the most basic understanding, what would have been the point of living together all those years? Even if the relationship wasn’t built on love, the long years of marriage would bring some level of understanding. Often, the person who understands you the most isn’t your friend, but your rival. You might not understand yourself, but do you know how well those who are with you understand you? They’ve invested most of their lifetime to know you, just to bring you down one day completely. Yet, despite this, their understanding might also aid you. Hearts never truly connect; it’s only when faced with hurt and torment repeatedly do we realize it’s all just a hollow experience.

"Xia Jing, maybe you can’t hear what I’m saying now, but I want you to know, as your husband, no matter what, I would never hurt you.

All these years, haven’t you felt even a bit of the sincerity I hold for you? Everything I’ve done for you over the years, haven’t you felt anything at all?"

"In this world, nothing is more painful than seeing the person you love most leave you, one by one, while you stand there powerless. No one can truly understand the suffering in my heart over the years. You all think of my selfish examples as just me caring about my thoughts and concerns, ignoring your views. But do you know, whenever I face you again and again, how painful it is inside? When you accuse me time and time again, how innocent I feel? I want to live happily, but I can’t. I’ve given so much, yet what have I received? I’ve given everything, only to receive indifference in return. Do you know how speechless I feel deep down? So tired, often wishing I could close my eyes and never wake up, wishing I could permanently sleep, rendering me unable to live happily ever again. I just want to sleep forever and never wake up, but each time I open my eyes, I find myself in a bottomless pit. Do you know that kind of darkness? That emptiness? No one knows!"

"You always think your pain is the greatest in the world, and believe that no one else can understand it. But don’t you know, you’re not the only one experiencing this agony. Hasn’t everyone gone through this repeatedly and grown stronger? Though it might leave scars, and though life might deprive all joy, do you know how much I care and wish you to stay by my side, just like you care for having the one you love beside you? At night, the darkness where you can’t see your hand in front of your face brings loneliness and defeat time and again, causing your heart to crumble and collapse..."

Is dissolution the final outcome? Why am I so unwilling to accept it...