My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1241 - 1070: No Longer as Before

Everyone thinks every decision they make is accurate and infallible, yet who knows how everything transforms over time, and the mistakes they’ve made appear so laughable and ignorant in others’ eyes. Now, thinking back on the mistakes I once made and the paths I’ve walked, did I really make the right choices? I never imagined a day would come when I would have regrets, yet now, deep inside, I truly regret everything.

"Mom and Dad, have you ever really thought about it? The further along this path we go, the more we deviate from our true selves. We no longer clearly remember what kind of life we truly wanted. I’m not sure how long this kind of life will last.

Every time I wake up, I realize everything is completely different from how I imagined it. In that moment, my heart aches, even though I’ve given my all. I feel no shame in what I’ve given; I’ve no guilt towards the heavens, the earth, my parents, or my own conscience. But the outcome I end up with goes against me in every way, and I haven’t received any proportional reward for my efforts.

Time and again, when such endings are laid before me and I find myself powerless, I know all this pain is trapped deep in my heart, tormenting me repeatedly. Yet, I am helpless. Who knows the sorrow and heartache in my heart at this moment? Who knows how agonizing and unbearable my life is right now? No one has ever cared about my inner thoughts; everyone lives for their own interests and has long forgotten the kind of life they once wanted to offer others.

I never prayed for anything. All I wanted was a slice of life that was truly joyful and happy for myself. But ultimately, what did I get in return? Nothing. Time and again, all I’ve received are painful memories that torment my heart and spirit repeatedly."

Xia Jing never expected her son to say such words today. Lending his own interest to donate his own child, he would never speak to himself in this manner. He never thought that one day, he would become like this. He used to think that as long as he worked hard enough, he wouldn’t end up in this state. But why, as time went on, did it become exactly the opposite of what he imagined—the more distant he grew, the more he lost his way, unsure of what he truly wanted, walking step by step until he found everything had veered off track.

"Mom and Dad, I don’t want our relationship to become as difficult as it is now one day. I just hope to live happily under such life conditions. A life without worries is what I most desire. One day, if I really roam too far and deviate from my original path, if I step onto a road that doesn’t belong to me, I still hope everyone could provide me with perfect care.

I will never forget how my so-called everything turned out to be. I only hope that in my lifetime, I can live a little happier, even just a bit, and I will feel much happier. But in the end, I find everything I truly want is not what I achieved. I don’t understand why I’ve ended up here, having thought about the life I desired—walking on the path I least wanted, just trying to forge a different road, yet discovering nothing in return.

Being able to live like I am now, all I hoped for was for my life to be a little more vibrant, even just a little, but I ended up with nothing. I’ve lost so much. I know there was a saying not to dwell on what you’ve lost but appreciate what you have. Yet everything I’ve had is slowly disappearing. All the things I once loved dearly have gradually become mere illusions, and I’ve never truly gotten what I most desired.

Mom and Dad, if one day I become unrecognizable to you, and you feel like the child you loved the most no longer believes in you, I hope you can think from your perspective. Why did I become like this today? How challenging it is for me to live till now, step by step—how much I wanted just to make my life a bit more colorful but got nothing in return. Who ever cared about my innermost thoughts? Who understood the hardship and sweat I’ve put in? Every step I took was harder than others’, and I put in more effort than anyone, yet I gained nothing.

Time can change many things; it can make people different repeatedly; it can make everyone live joyously like that. But for me, time hasn’t soothed the wounds deep in my heart; instead, it stays, torturing me, as a way to remind myself of the so-called injuries and pain I’ve suffered. I can’t pretend these experiences never happened; I have no right to forget.

My thoughts used to be too naive, and gradually everything I did seemed wrong. I wish my path could be a little happier and a little easier, even just a bit. At least, I wouldn’t be suffering and so weary as I am now."

Zhang Zhentian never thought his child could have such a fragile side. In his eyes, his child was always the strong one; he should only see the happiest side of himself, wondering why he gradually became like this. Why his path led him like this, making decisions that left him no room to turn things around—does it mean he is destined to walk this path forever, unable to change it, forever subjected to humiliation, letting others disturb his life repeatedly?

Now, all he wants is the simplest hug, the simplest care, the simplest greeting, but he gets nothing. Sometimes he fears losing everything he supposedly has. But what has he truly gained? Nothing, right? He lives too tiring a life, and the path becomes more and more distant, no longer in the direction he desires.

Directions are always what he seeks repeatedly for himself. But when everything turns out to be the way he didn’t want, he knows it’s irretrievable, far from what he once wanted, long diverged from his original intention.