My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1103 - 954: Investigated Everything

You all might think I don’t know everything, but you can’t understand how I’ve made it through these years. I’ve investigated everything about you, and I haven’t forgotten what I should do.

Zhang Zhentian knows deep inside her heart better than anyone; she believes her heart is not with him at all now, maybe she can’t even regain herself, can the person she loves the most truly give his heart to her!

Even if I were to die outside right now, he wouldn’t care or be concerned, nor would he ask. He’s already more ruthless than I am; he’s reached the point of indifference, ignoring everything.

Sometimes I really find myself terrifying, I’ve numbed my heart, lost sight of what I truly want, and only after experiencing loss again and again did I realize all I ever wanted was just him.

Human hearts are truly incomparable, the more you compare, the more you hurt yourself. Hurting myself over and over again until I’m covered in wounds, what kind of outcome did I achieve but making my life worse.

It was only when I finally figured out everything that I realized it was too late.

"Xia Jing, I really want to ask you, what exactly can I do to win back your heart? What should I do to keep you by my side, even if your heart isn’t in it?

I said I would give up my life for you, but do you know how much I care about you, how much I can’t bear to lose you!"

"I feel like you don’t really need to say these things to me. Between us, it’s already like this now, how should you end it? The one who has wronged me the most is not me, but you. For so many years, what exactly have I gained? You’ve deceived all my feelings!

I’m not interested in your fate at all because taking your life wouldn’t mean anything to me. If I used your life, it would be like committing a crime. But sometimes I really want to know, can you really give up your life for me? If you truly can, then why don’t you just go and die?"

"Is it that if I die, you’d be willing to come back to my side? Would you give me another chance to be with you again, even if just for one day? Do you know how important that is to me? I never thought I’d one day become so pitiful, so weak and incompetent. What I want I’ve lost time and time again, and I still can’t get what I truly want. I don’t understand what I should do to make this all become illusory instead of reality.

Your departure has tortured me mentally, I’m really afraid.

I am willing to wait silently behind you, even if it’s one day, two days, three days, a year, ten years, or a lifetime. As long as you’re willing to turn back at the end, you’ll see me always standing behind you, even if you only glance at me for a second, even if your eyes are filled with hatred, I willingly accept it. All I want is for you to appear in front of me and never leave again. I’ve dreamed countless times of being with you in the same world, the same room, and knowing how terrifying it is when I wake up and it’s all gone, crying again and again, I still can’t bring you back."

"It’s really not worth it for someone like me because you can have a better life. Why waste time on me? Perhaps we were a mistake from the very beginning, but I really want you to know that all these years, I genuinely meant to be with you."

"Don’t worry, all you ever wanted was my life, just take it.

Having killed so many people, it wouldn’t matter to add my own life to the list. I always thought that what I wanted, I could definitely obtain. I always believed that as long as I put in the effort, I’d eventually get what I deserved, but in the end, reality harshly slapped me in the face. What I want I can never get because Heaven is against me, disdainful of what I do.

I thought about how I should live, I thought about trying to let go of you, but in the end, I find I really can’t do it. No matter how much effort I put in, even if I dig out my own heart, I can’t forget you. Just how painful is that wait? No one knows how much I care about you.

I spent all my efforts to please you, just to make you happy. What I can do for you is perhaps really not much, but even if you want my life, I would still give it to you because it’s your demand, it’s what you want. Whatever you want, I would give you, except to leave you."

Xia Jing really never thought that Zhang Zhentian would actually give up his life just for her.

Looking back, what have I really given all these years? I got all the love from the one I love the most, yet I hurt her in a way that covered her in wounds. He, in turn, gave a lot to me, gave me many chances, but I was always so ruthless. Sometimes I wonder what I should do to make him forgive me?

"If today you actually died here, then maybe I would forgive you. But if you don’t even have the courage to commit suicide, then I absolutely won’t give you any chance. You’ve deceived me for so many years, it’s enough already. Do you still want to continue deceiving me? I gave you my youth, gave you everything I had, and this is how you treat me!"

Zhang Zhentian said nothing, took out a knife from his bag, and slashed down.

Blood flowed little by little from Zhang Zhentian’s body, and Xia Jing was shocked then.

"Are you out of your mind? You really went ahead and tried to kill yourself? Don’t you know that with a single slash you might end up disabled? Even if you do commit suicide, so what? I still won’t forgive you, I am naturally stone-hearted, and all the harm you brought me, I will repay in full!"

Zhang Zhentian couldn’t help but laugh, knowing all along this would be the ending, but still, he went ahead without hesitation.

The mistakes he made, he ultimately had to bear the consequences himself.

"Maybe only by my complete departure can you live well; it was I who disrupted your peaceful life from the beginning. If I hadn’t appeared, would you have been much happier?

I am always just a burden, can never give you what you want, the life you wanted I never had any ability to provide from the start, so your choice to leave is the best!

In the end, I’m just your burden, your deadweight. Discarding me is probably the happiest thing for you deep down inside. Life and death, what’s the difference? Sooner or later, nobody can escape it, might as well die early and get reincarnated soon. Once I’m dead, everything will be easy, carefree, and I’ll live my most perfect days in Yama’s Palace!"

Zhang Yichen reminisced about the bits and pieces of his parents, feeling envious. Now his wife is still in the hospital, and his heart is really in pain...