novelraw Chapter 44: See Spot Run
Chapter 44: See Spot Run
The hound swore under his breath as he sprinted through the Dark Forest, which was definitely living up to its name now that night had fallen. Spot had accidentally gotten too close to a herd of not-deer, and was currently doing everything in his power to avoid being eaten.
To be fair, confusing not-deer for regular herbivores was a mistake that anyone could make (though usually only once). If you didn’t stop to count the eyes, or pay attention to the weird ways their antlers twisted, it was easy to get lulled into a false sense of security.
The bloodthirsty ungulates had not responded kindly when Spot tried to ask them for directions. And unlike the mysterious voice, they had chosen to ignore his speech about the wonders of nachos. (They probably would have considered a salt-lick, or a nice steak, but the hound had been too busy running to explore other options.)
After stumbling through the dark for what felt like hours, Spot eventually stumbled across the road to Brexis. He was so relieved that he could have knelt down and kissed it. But he didn’t, because the not-deer would have eaten him.
He didn’t know if he could outrun the not-deer on flat ground, but Spot wasn’t about to risk getting lost in the forest again. The hound had things to do in Brexis, and while he was a little hazy on the exact details, that didn’t make his mission any less important.
Spot looked back over his shoulder to see if the not-deer had followed him out of the forest, let out a yelp of alarm, then kept running. The herd was still hot on his tail, and showed no signs of giving up. They continued to chase him with the bloody-minded determination of predators that had spotted their first prey in weeks.
“Fuck my life,” the hound swore as he ran down the road toward Brexis.
***
Hank cackled with laughter as the kobold-rigged vehicle bounced down the road. He was having the time of his life, and better yet, he was getting to torment System in the process.
The engineer’s black heart beat a little bit faster as he thought about how the other kobolds would react when he told them the story. After all, it wasn’t every day that you had the opportunity to superglue a supreme being to the underside of a cart.
Gods generally complained if you tried to use them as batteries, or fuses. Which was a shame, because Hank really wanted a god-powered cannon. And so far, Francis had refused to participate in the project. But Hank figured he would wear the Marine down eventually. (No grunt could resist the draw of increased firepower.)
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Hank spotted the herd of not-deer and felt his smile widen. “Hold on tight!” the kobold called out as he double checked to make sure that his helmet was securely fastened, then aimed directly for the center of the herd. “We’re about to pick up some free experience!”
***
Spot saw the cart’s headlights first, then there was the sound of metal hitting flesh. The hound leaped up in the air, and said a silent prayer to Hades as he landed unharmed in the driver’s seat of the mine cart. But Spot’s joy quickly turned to panic when he saw the hairpin turn up ahead, and the cliff below it.
Hank did his best to keep them on the road. But it wasn’t enough. They were going too fast, and the cart was in less than pristine shape after mulching the herd of not-deer.
The hound watched everything unfold in slow motion. He saw them barrel into the turn, followed by the horrible sensation of two wheels leaving the road. Then, they were falling.
“Shit! Shit! Shiiiiiit!” Spot swore as the cart flew through space.
***
“You know what would really be awesome?” asked Wolfie as he looked up at the stars.
“What?” replied Also-Not-Wolfie, turning to look at his packmate.
“I’d love something to eat. But not like a deer, or a squirrel. I want something really special. I want something people eat.”
“Like that fluffy white stuff we had before?” asked Also-Not-Wolfie.
“No, I was thinking of something really special.” Wolfie’s eyes followed a floating mote of light that only he could see. “Remember that stuff we found in the paladin’s bag? It was soft, and really tasty.”
Also-Not-Wolfie tried to think of what Not-Wolfie had called it, but gave up. “Do you mean the round thing? The one that tasted way better once we took the wax off?”
“Yeah, that stuff!” Wolfie nodded. “Imagine that, but hot.”
“I’m imagining it,” said Also-Not-Wolfie.
“Ok, now add in some meat. And like… I don’t know… what were those things we had that one time? The crunchy ones? They were shaped like this.” Wolfie made a triangle with his paws.
The other dire wolf nodded. “Oh yeah, I remember those. We should ask Not-Wolfie about them when he wakes up.”
“Well, that’s what I want,” said Wolfie, “Ask Francis if he can have someone bring us crunchy golden triangles covered in melted goodness, piled high with meat.”
The cleric looked over at his god and let out a sigh. Francis was fast asleep, and covered in a thick layer of dried wisp blood. “I don’t know if he’s in any condition to be granting prayers.”
Wolfie got up and slowly made his way over to the sleeping god. He plopped down next to Francis and whispered his request in the Marine’s ear.
“Ask him for something to drink too,” said Not-Wolfie, “My mouth is super dry.”
The paladin did as he was told, then padded back over to his packmate. “Do you think it worked?” he asked.
Also-Not-Wolfie shrugged. “I have no idea, but I certainly hope so. Crunchy golden triangles covered in melted goodness and piled high with meat sound amazing.”
“We need to think up a better name for them,” said Wolfie, “Crunchy golden triangles covered in melted goodness and piled high with meat isn’t exactly quick to say, now is it?”
“I’m sure a name will come to us,” replied the cleric.
Wolfie nudged his packmate as a sound in the distance caught his attention. “Is it just me, or do you hear someone swearing?”
The other dire wolf perked up his ears. “Yeah! I think I do! I wonder if it’s the guy who is supposed to bring us our food.”