Konoha: The Thirty-Year-Old Uchiha Can’t Be Bothered

Chapter 326: Uchiha Madara Opens the Scroll

"Pa!"

After listening to the Nine-Tails' tragic tale of losing its manhood, Madara wrinkled his nose in disgust and tossed the Tailed Beast card aside. He summoned a sphere of water with hand seals and scrubbed his hands until his fingertips turned white.

"Human! That was my natural-born manhood! How dare you throw it on the ground!"

The Nine-Tails, still wallowing in grief, raged when it saw the card—likely crafted from its lost pride—discarded so casually. Its enormous fox face was full of indignation.

"Tch."

Madara ignored its tantrum, drying his hands. His cold eyes locked on the card glowing faintly silver where it had stuck in the ground.

The temptation it radiated gnawed at him. For someone who sought absolute victory, this was deadly bait.

After wrestling with himself, Madara carefully wrapped the card in a handkerchief and stuffed it deep in his pack.

"Human! I told you one of my greatest secrets. Where's my food?!"

The Nine-Tails rubbed its empty belly, shouting as Madara rummaged in his bag.

"Yeah, yeah."

Madara shoved the wrapped card to the very bottom. His eyes then fell on a long-unused storage scroll—Uchiha Gin's parting gift from years ago.

Just the sight of it warmed him. He remembered clearly his cousin's words when he'd left Konoha—those instructions still echoed.

"Oi, human! Why are you smiling like an idiot? Hurry, I want chicken!"

"You'll get it."

This fox was foul-mouthed, but it was also his key to defeating Hashirama. He would tolerate it… for now.

"Shuala—"

Madara unfurled the scroll. The densely drawn space-time fūinjutsu looked no different from standard storage scrolls. He pressed one palm to it, chakra flowing in.

"Release."

"Pff!"

"Clang-clang-clang-clang—!"

White smoke burst forth, far more dramatic than expected. A storm of metallic clattering rang like rain.

"What the hell are you doing, human?"

The Nine-Tails growled, confused.

Madara reached out through the smoke, only to bump into something solid. He leapt back—just to slam into another wall behind him.

"Urgh!"

His head cracked against it, leaving a swollen red bump.

"Who's there?!"

Snarling, Madara swept away the smoke with Wind Release, eyes flashing crimson as his Sharingan spun—ready to destroy whoever had dared ambush him.

"…Gah! My eyes!!"

But when the haze cleared, searing golden light blasted into his eyes. With his dōjutsu magnifying everything, the brilliance was blinding. He fell writhing on the floor, clutching his face, screaming.

"AAAAH!!"

The Nine-Tails, staring at the colossal golden pyramid now standing before them, cocked its head. The human's howls… reminded it very much of its own cries when its manhood had been cut.

"…Huff… huff…"

At last, Madara's cries subsided. His eyes were still red—but swollen from pain, not Sharingan patterns. He staggered upright, vision adjusting.

They were inside a golden tower. The walls were solid gold bricks, no genjutsu.

"…Big brother, you're kinder than my own kin."

His tears welled up—not from the glare, but from emotion. He realized this mountain of gold was Gin's gift. His cousin had given him his life savings to ensure he wouldn't starve or freeze on the road.

As he basked in this, his gaze caught on the tower's peak. A gleaming silver suitcase lay there, a fan crest engraved on the lid.

An Uchiha-exclusive item.

Click.

It wasn't locked. He opened it, then froze.

The contents stunned him into silence. His heart pounded—something he had dreamed of obtaining, yet it had been beside him all along.

"…How…?"

His hands trembled as he shut the lid again, clutching it tightly. Compared to this, the gold bricks were nothing.

"Thank you… cousin!"

—

Far away, Uchiha Gin hung a wet banshee veil on a rack. Suddenly, he sneezed hard.

"…Is someone talking about me?" He rubbed his nose, muttering.

A soft, sinister voice whispered behind him: "Oh? Thinking of those Hyūga women again?"

Gin nearly jumped out of his skin. Turning, he found himself face to face with Mitsuko's hungry gaze.

"…N-no, you heard wrong."

"Clearly not. Tonight, I'll train you properly again."

"Yamete—!!"

—

"Human, finally."

Outside the golden tower, the Nine-Tails yawned, belly rumbling. It eyed the suitcase in Madara's grip, then licked its chops.

"I'm starving. Food, now?"

"…Yeah."

Madara sealed the golden pyramid back into the scroll, vowing to summon only as much as needed next time.

"What do you want besides chicken?"

"Just chicken. The other things I crave… you humans couldn't make them."

"…Fine. Wait here."

Madara almost smiled. Despite its arrogance, the fox reminded him of a dog he'd raised as a child with Izuna. Fierce on the outside, but lovable inside.

He leapt away, entering a bustling town. This time he had wealth—he slammed a gold brick down in the restaurant, ordering the entire menu without looking.

Soon, he ate ravenously, sweeping the dishes clean.

But when the trembling owner approached, he said nervously: "Honored guest… we can't make change for a whole gold brick."

Madara waved dismissively. "Then gather every roast chicken in this town. Pack it up."

The owner blinked—then grinned knowingly, summoning carriages. But when Madara checked one, he nearly fell over.

Inside weren't chickens, but women—rouged and giggling.

"…This is your chicken?"

"Of course! They're the best! 'Battle hens,' the pride of our tavern! Everyone says they're delicious—"

"Not this kind of chicken! Food!"

The owner paled as Madara's killing intent spilled out. Under genjutsu compulsion, he finally gathered all the real roast chicken in town—every last one.

Madara sealed them into a scroll and vanished.

—

"Grumble…"

The Nine-Tails had nearly given up hope when Madara returned.

"My chicken?"

"Here."

Madara unsealed the scroll.

"Boom!"

A mountain of roast chicken appeared, golden and steaming.

The Nine-Tails' eyes welled up. It dove in, devouring everything.

"Slow down, Nine-Tails. This is your last meal… savor it."

Madara's voice was oddly soft.

"…Huh?"

The fox glanced up briefly, then shrugged. Food was food.

As it ate, Madara pulled the card back from his pack.

Holding it, he leapt to stand on its nose.

"I want to become a Tailed Beast Rider."

The Nine-Tails' pupils shrank. The word "Rider" stabbed its heart. Memories of Kinkaku and Ginkaku—those nightmares—flashed before it.

"If I refuse?"

"…Then this."

Behind Madara, the complete blue Susanoo rose, towering with sword drawn.

"Beasts will never be slaves!"

The Nine-Tails roared, but its body trembled. It didn't want to be mocked by the others in their secret "beast chatroom."

"Shame. I thought we were friends."

Madara's Susanoo sword came crashing down.

"ROAR!"

The battle was brief. The Nine-Tails couldn't last even a moment against full Susanoo. With one genjutsu strike, Madara crushed its will.

"Go inside."

Chains of light burst from the card, wrapping around the fox. Its colossal body dissolved into crimson chakra, sucked swiftly into the card until nothing remained.

The last tailed beast—captured.

(End of Chapter)

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