You Make Me...Crazy

Chapter 13：Part 13 - The One I Trust Most

13. The One I Trust Most

After rehearsal at the Su-Am Center, the Rebellion dressing room hummed with tension. Jae sat sprawled on the couch they had provided, Junghee was leaning against the wall toying with his guitar pick, and Andre was pacing the length of the room. Their dresser and make-up artist had come and gone; they were ready for their performance.

"What if no one comes?" Andre asked, stopping in the middle of the room. "I'm pretty sure no one bought the tickets. Not to mention Jaesun is having his showcase tonight too. Gods, I'm going to have a heart attack."

"Relax, Andre," Jae said lazily. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. "It's going to be fine. Harry promised the tickets were sold out."

"Are you sure he didn't buy them all?" Junghee asked with a soft scoff. "He's worked hard to make sure we didn't know that some venues refused our bookings. We are down to open-air concerts. What if it rains, or snows, surely-"

"Enough!" Jae said, getting up to look at Junghee. "I don't think worrying is helping any of us right now."

"Jae," Andre said, moving to touch his left arm. "Are you sure Jaesun will leave us alone now? Who knows what he'll say during his press conference later."

Jae nodded grimly.

"I'm sure we'll not feature in his conference today."

"I really hope so," Junghee said, shaking his head. "We need to catch a break."

There was a knock on the door and then Dan walked in all smiles.

"How is it going? Are you in panic mode yet?"

"Jung and Andre are going insane," Jae said, glancing at his best friends. "Andre is going to wear out a hole in the floor, and Jung is about to break his favorite guitar pick. Tell them there is nothing to worry about."

Dan stood staring at Jae in surprise. "Look at you! You are usually the worst."

Andre chuckled and Junghee hid a smile.

Jae shrugged and dropped on the couch again.

"I'm quite fine, thank you. This is a small stage, nothing compared to Sunday night when our tour starts."

"Well, I'm glad you're taking this so well. I came here to tell you it is almost time for the concert. I wanted to walk you to the stage one last time." Dan grinned. "I'm going to miss that too."

Jae stood up and hugged him tight.

"Dan, thank you."

Andre joined them and Junghee came to wrap his arms around all of them.

"We couldn't have done it without you," Junghee said, messing up Dan's hair. "You're the reason we'll be standing on a stage in Seoul. Thank you."

"You're one in a million," Andre agreed quietly.

"Stop it, or I'm going to cry," Dan said, his voice hoarse. "Remember what I told you; concentrate on the music, and the stage, okay? Harry and I will handle the rest."

They all nodded and when Harry came to get them, they'd at least gotten back to normal.

As they walked through a wide corridor flanked by security, Jae tagged the black v-neck t-shirt he wore and adjusted the belt on his matching fitted black pants.

"Stop fidgeting," Dan said beside him. "You're on camera."

Jae dropped his hands to his sides and tried to stop the nerves wrecking through him. The closer they got to the stage, the louder the chants came. The sound engineer met them right before the entrance, checking their microphones. Jae took in a deep breath, his heart beating hard in his chest. He took a step away from Junghee and Andre and turned away from the stage entrance.

"Jae?"

Dan touched his arm.

"Just a second," Jae said, letting out air.

He bent over, trying to control his heartbeat. He took in another deep breath and closed his eyes.

"I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack."

"We have five minutes," Harry warned behind him.

Dan wrapped an arm around Jae's shoulders and led him to a corner behind a huge column. They had a modicum of privacy, though curious eyes still watched them.

Dan moved to block everyone's view of Jae.

"Look at me, babe."

Jae pressed a hand into his chest and met his gaze.

"I was fine in the dressing room. What's happening?"

"Take in a deep breath and let it out slowly," Dan said quietly. He cupped Jae's cheek and smiled. "You're panicking and in such a place where I can't do anything for you."

Jae let out a strained laugh.

"Pervert," he teased Dan.

Jae looked into Dan's calm gaze as he let out a soft breath.

"This is huge, isn't it?" Dan asked.

Jae nodded. He had dreamed of singing in Seoul since the day he'd left, from the moment N-sang Entertainment suspended their activities.

Almost seven years since he'd stood on a stage in Seoul, Jae thought. What if their fans hated them, he wondered. He was a different person from the one who had sung in Black Shade.

"Stop thinking so hard."

Dan's soft order made him glance up in surprise. How did the man always know what he was thinking?

"You've come a long way, and you're going to be fine. You, Jung, and Andre deserve this. Show them why they've waited so long for you."

Jae nodded and closed his eyes reaching for control.

"It's going to be fine."

"That's right," Dan said gently and leaned to kiss his forehead not caring what everyone would say. "I love you, Jae."

The simple kiss went a long way in calming him. Opening his eyes, he smiled at Dan and pulled him into a hug.

With a wicked smile, he whispered into Dan's ear, words he'd never said before.

"I love you too, Suk Dan."

Jae let go of Dan and hurried to Harry who was pointing at his watch frantically. Junghee reached for Jae's hand as he hurried up the steps leading to the stage entrance. Jae grinned as he joined his band mates and turned to see Dan still standing by the column staring at him. He waved just as Harry patted his shoulder, urging him to lead the way on to the stage.

***

Jae had said he loved him.

Dan smiled wide as he watched Jae sing and felt a wave of love swell inside him. He had waited so long for those words, and now that he'd heard them, he just wanted to keep watching Jae.

The audience was wild with excitement, probably from not seeing Rebellion on stage in so long, or from Jae's mesmerizing voice, accompanied by Jung and Andre, or maybe just from the sight of the handsome trio.

They looked good under the stage lights, larger than life, all traces of panic gone as they played their music for the audience, stirring them up into frenzy. Five thousand fans stood waving their hands, jumping to the music, singing along to songs Rebellion had released two days ago.

"Hello Seoul!" Jae shouted after the first three songs ended.

The audience screamed louder, the sound thundering. Dan couldn't help laughing at their enthusiasm.

"Ah, we've missed you so much," Jae, said. "We've hoped to hear you scream like that for so long. Thanks to a lot of hard work, we've finally managed to meet you, and even I want to scream in excitement. Should I?"

A loud resounding 'yes' filled the theater and Jae chuckled. He brought the microphone to his lips and gave a loud thrilling roar that had the audience echoing it right back to him.

"Your excitement humbles me," Jae said, when the audience calmed down. "I'm happy to know that you've waited for us, as much as we've waited to stand before you. So, for the rest of this concert, scream and jump as much as possible, have fun, and let's celebrate this moment together."

"Mr. Suk?"

Dan turned to find a tall man in a dark suit standing a few feet away. The next song started on stage and Jae's voice filled the theater. Dan took a step back to give his attention to the man who looked so out of place.

"How may I help you?" Dan asked the stranger.

"I'm from the FTC," the man said, producing an identification card, which he handed to Dan. "I'd love a few moments of your time."

Dan glanced back at Jae, who was waving his left hand with the crowd as he sang. Dan urged the man to follow him back to a quieter area near the dressing rooms.

"What is an FTC official doing here?" Dan asked, frowning as he met the other man's gaze.

"My name is Yun Tae Ho. I'm actually here to be of assistance."

"Assistance," Dan repeated in confusion.

He hated being at a disadvantage. He had no idea why the Fair Trade Commission would come looking for him. Jade Entertainment provided fair contracts with all its artists and actors, and as far as Rebellion was concerned, they practically owned Jade Entertainment.

"We've been investigating insistent claims by Rebellion fans that there are those interfering with the band's activities, preventing Rebellion from carrying out regular activities, or promoting within the country."

"Rebellion fans," Dan said in surprise. "What do you mean 'claims'?"

"For the last two years, we've received several petitions, each holding almost a million signatures at our offices. We ignored it at first, but the petitions came month after month until we decided to make inquiries. We couldn't do much with the band abroad. Now that they're back, it's easier. We've followed the process of the band's album release closely. Yesterday, we finally got proof of interference. The cancellations you received at the venue in Daegu and the one in Seoul are no coincidence. The venue manager in Daegu won't give names but he does agree that he was asked to book another show in Rebellion's time slot."

"You're chasing ghosts, Mr. Yun," Dan said. "No one will point a finger in this situation. This is a political battle."

"I'm well aware of that, Mr. Suk. We need tangible evidence because everything we have is speculation. Working with your company and the band might help a lot."

Dan frowned.

"How do I know that if we get in the middle of this, you won't end up on the other side? This won't be the first time someone has offered help. We've learned to be cautious."

"I'm not easily intimidated, Mr. Suk. Besides, Rebellion is not the first band to go through something like this. Most musicians who go against major record companies in this country end up unknown. Rebellion happens to be lucky in that they've managed to make a comeback."

"It wasn't easy. Besides, the success of this album is still far off." Dan glanced in the direction of the stage. "We released the album two days ago. Now, it's a matter of watching sales and promoting as much as we can. I've spent the last three months looking for the different ways to distribute this album. We're practically selling the albums ourselves."

"Meaning you've tried to promote using the usual channels and failed," Yun Tae Ho observed.

"I didn't try," Dan said with a shrug. "Rebellion's first album was removed from the charts, why bother fighting a frustrating battle. Instead, I decided to create new avenues of distribution, creating shops on the company's website, the band's website, and working with international platforms like iTunes. We have two distribution companies working with us locally, but they are small. Their costs are high, but if we succeed, we'll make a stunning profit. Now, if the band can just manage to tour without interference…"

"What you've done is eliminated any chance of rejection, Mr. Suk. You've turned Rebellion into an independent band."

"They are an independent band," Dan insisted. "Far removed from the mainstream bands out there, Rebellion is setting its own path. Since we're not interfering with anybody's business, I'd love it very much if they'd stop interfering with ours."

Yun Tae Ho held out his hand.

"I can help you with that. Why don't we set up new venues and see how it goes from there?"

Dan studied him for a moment, before he took Yun Tae Ho's hand.

"Don't disappoint me, Mr. Yun. I don't take it very well."

"I've heard," Yun Tae Ho said with a laugh. "I heard the reason you're helping Rebellion is because you had a disagreement with N-Sang's C.E.O. You've managed to throw him a powerful punch."

Dan smiled.

"He helped a rival steal my clients and claimed I was gambling with the mob to destroy my reputation. I don't like people who fight dirty, so like you, I had to make a stand."

"I wish I had someone like you fighting for me some fifteen years ago," Yun Tae Ho said with a sigh. "Perhaps my music career would have gone somewhere."

"You used to sing?" Dan asked in surprise.

"Briefly, until I had a problem with my company's management and decided to pursue a different side of the music industry. We definitely need more companies like Jade Entertainment instead of N-Sang. Most of the top entertainment companies are swindling young artists, offering to train them for a small fee, spending money on them to create an image, which puts them in debt before they debut, and then when they finally get to work, all the profits are spent by the company, which leaves the musician with peanuts."

"Sounds familiar," Dan said, thinking of Jae and Black shade.

"Yesterday, I met a group of eight girls who are performing every second of their lives. They get ten minutes off in their day, and spend the nights training, which means one hour of sleep or less. After the company takes away their expenses, their profits become less than they'd make working at a fast food place. Does that make sense?"

"Don't look down on them. They're just starting out, and it takes time to get popular. If they work hard, they'll have an easier time if the company is good. We started out that way," Jae said behind Yun Tae Ho.

Dan looked up to see Jae standing a few feet away wiping his face with a towel. He was all sweaty from singing and jumping on stage. Dan wondered what Tae Ho would say if he pulled Jae into his arms right now for a kiss.

"Who is this?" Jae asked, coming to stand beside him.

"Mr. Yun, meet Kim Jaehan," Dan said, sliding an arm around Jae's waist.

His fingers moved under the sweaty t-shirt to touch Jae's slick skin. He smiled when Jae leaned against him.

"Nice to meet you," Yun Tae Ho said, bowing his head slightly to Jae. "I'm not looking down on those girls, just worried for them."

Dan got a business card from his pocket and held it out to Yun Tae Ho.

"This is my number. Call me tomorrow morning."

"Thank you, Mr. Suk." Yun Tae Ho smiled and bowed again. "I'll leave you now."

Jae scoffed after Yun Tae Ho left.

"Who does he think he is?"

"An officer at the FTC," Dan said. "Don't scowl after him that way. He's on your side."

Jae scoffed.

"Did you hear him talk about those poor girls?"

"He's just worried they'll end up exploited like you were, Jae, probably worse." Dan sighed and touched Jae's jaw. "Relax. Is the showcase over?"

"Yeah," Jae grinned. "It was exhilarating. I can't wait to go on tour."

"Where are Jung and Andre?"

"I left them up there talking to fans."

Dan nodded. He met brown eyes and smiled.

"You said you love me."

"Mmm-hmm," Jae said.

"Say it again."

"Is that an order?" Jae asked, as Dan pressed him against the wall.

Dan took the towel Jae was using and wiped away sweat from Jae's forehead.

"A plea," Dan said.

Jae held his gaze and Dan watched those eyes turn serious.

"I really love you, Dan."

Dan smiled.

"I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing you say that, never, Jae."

"Are you going to kiss me?" Jae asked.

"Here?" Dan looked down the hall. It was deserted but not for long.

"Who cares?" Jae asked, challenging him.

Dan leaned in to kiss him, and he closed his eyes when Jae held him close.

****

"Sir."

Mrs. Kang, Dan's secretary, walked into his office on a Monday afternoon three months later.

She had a magazine in her hands that she handed to him.

"First copy goes to you. Congratulations, Rebellion is a success."

"Thank you," Dan said as she left his office.

Getting up from his desk, he walked to the gray couch in the corner of his office and sank down with a tired sigh. Putting his feet up on the coffee table, he studied the magazine cover. The title read: The Rebellion Magazine. Jae, Junghee, and Andre graced the cover dressed in pajamas, sprawled on the floor in Jae's living room. Jae was reading a magazine, his hair held up in a short top knot, Andre held a video game console, and Jung was reading a book. He smiled and touched Jae's face on the cover.

Turning the magazine, his smile widened when he found a full-page picture of Jae. Jae looked out of this world, his brown eyes captivating, and his brown hair in a Mohawk. He sat on a guitar case with his elbows resting on his knees as he stared into the camera. Dan felt pride at the sight of Jae this way. They had come a long way, and the confidence in Jae humbled him.

Turning the page, he found a picture of Junghee and then Andre.

The magazine was Harry's idea. Harry found a photojournalist to follow the band on their tour. Pictures of the band members sleeping in the bus, stopping at various rest stops, and carrying equipment into venues filled the first half of the magazine.

Dan grinned when he found a picture where Junghee and Andre had painted Jae's face with markers while he slept. There was another one with Junghee wearing noodles in his red hair. He laughed when he saw a picture of Andre wearing smudged lipstick and eye shadow spread liberally under his eyes while he slept.

Gods, he had forgotten how the band got on road trips. He missed their goofiness.

Turning the page, Dan sighed when he found a picture of Jae wearing a simple white t-shirt and jeans, seated on a couch in the back of the bus. Jae held a guitar, and a pen between his lips, obviously in the middle of writing music.

Dan read the article that came along with the picture. Photojournalist Ming Suni had written one for each of the members of Rebellion:

>> Kim Jaehan is Rebellion's lead singer and a man with many hidden talents. He is the oldest in the band, but one would never guess it watching him with his band mates. Soft spoken and easy going in private, one would never imagine he can bring a stadium of fans to their feet with just one word or imagine his stunning voice as he sings Critical Mass, the band's new smashing anthem. I cornered him during a quiet moment before the band went for rehearsal and asked him a few questions.

Ming Suni: First, let me congratulate you and your band mates for winning top place on the charts. Your new album sold over three hundred thousand copies in the first week, and has continued to top the charts. Three months later, and Stronger is still charting at number one. Were you expecting such a response to your new album?

Jaehan: No, I'm stunned, humbled, thankful, there are no words to express how I feel. The Album 'Breaking Free' has topped our expectations. Our fans have topped our expectations. I sometimes think saying just thank you is inadequate. Don't you think so? Such simple words, yet it's all I can say. I can only say thank you to all of you who support our music and us.

Ming Suni: Considering your past, and the tough situations you and your band mates have lived through, do you think those experiences made you work harder to get back on top? How did you manage to hold onto each other as a band?

Jaehan: Rebellion is family to me. Andre and Junghee are my brothers. They are like my right and left arm. I'm nothing without them. What we've achieved, we've done it together. I can't separate them from my life. I think this bond is what has brought us to where we are now. I also can't forget Suk Dan who picked us up when we were at our lowest and gave us the strength to face an uncertain future.

Ming Suni: When you met Mr. Suk, there were rumors that he was working with questionable executives and that he was misleading artists in their careers. Can you tell us what made you decide to work with him despite the rumors?

Jaehan: (Answers with a short laugh) truthfully, it was hard to trust him at the start. Not because of his past, but because we'd met so many people who wanted to help us, but in the end would just lead us astray.

Ming Suni: Do you mean people like the Rand Agency?

Jaehan: Yes and many others who'd gone as far as extorting money, I was wary of yet another individual promising to get us out of trouble and back on stage. At our first meeting, I thought Mr. Suk was a shabby, unkempt man as he sat across from us, saying he could help. I can't say I was particularly cordial. I gave him a hard time, and we had a rocky start. He worked hard, and sacrificed a lot of his time despite our cold reception. Mr. Suk is the kind of person who has forked over his own money to allow us to sell our album. We've only come to know all this later, of course. He is the kind of man who sorts out problems even before we know they exist. Through all that turmoil, Mr. Suk has become the person I trust the most with my life.

Min Suni: How is it working with Jade Entertainment?

Jaehan: Like working with family. The band is able to make decisions, and having a manager and a boss who understands those decisions makes it easy to grow creatively. This tour has been a success. The staff at Jade Entertainment has given their all, making sure our fans have a wonderful concert experience, and that the band is meeting schedules. Of course, there are squabbles when something goes wrong, but which family doesn't have them. It just means we're happy working together.

Ming Suni: So, we've asked your band mates to describe you and here's what they said: Kang Junghee says, "You're a perfectionist when it comes to work, and the most empathic, because you worry about everyone's problems, also you act cute when you're drunk." Song Andre says, "He is a man who'll say not to call him hyung when he feels he's failed us, but in that statement, he is just showing us how much he cares about us. Because of that, we can't ever stop calling him hyung. He's hard working, so much so, that you can't drag him from the studio when he's working, but he loves drinking and hugging everyone when there's no work.

(At this point Kim Jaehan covers his face with a silent laugh.)

Ming Suni: Why are you laughing?

Jaehan: I'm a bit embarrassed they're calling me out on my drinking.

Ming Suni: Hearing your bandmates talk about you with such affection, how would you describe Kim Jaehan?

Jaehan: He's a lucky person, to have such precious people surrounding him, but he needs to learn how to let go more easily. As Junghee says, I sometimes worry about other people's problems, excessively to the point of blaming myself. I've recently made an effort on letting go and found happiness as a result.

Ming Suni: What's next for Rebellion after the tour?

Jaehan: More studio time, we're always writing music. Of course, we'll work at finding ways to connect with our fans. We have limitations on our domestic activities. These limitations have helped us realize that the best way to connect with our fans is to create events that will give us opportunities to meet them often.

Ming Suni: Does it bother you that Rebellion can't promote on television and radio shows in South Korea?

Jaehan: When we first started this tour, it did, very much. We'd worked so hard to get Breaking Free out, and we were looking forward to selling it to our fans. Only to find we couldn't promote like everyone else who had their music out there. It was discouraging, but our manager, Harry Yoon, and C.E.O Suk Dan have worked hard to make sure that we reach our fans. We've managed to sell more than we expected. Being out here gives us a better chance of connecting with our fans, and we've decided not to worry about things we can't change easily anymore.

Ming Suni: You've recently won the title Sexiest Musician in Asia in a poll held by one of our magazines. What do you say to that?

Jaehan: (turns shy and laughs) suddenly, it has become a source of stress. I can only say thank you again, and hope not to disappoint everyone as the years come and go.

After the interview, Jaehan invites me to eat noodles from a stall he discovered the night before when we arrived in Daegu. He's dressed in simple jeans, a t-shirt, and a heavy sweater, with a dark cap covering his hair. He puts me at ease as we walk, telling me anecdotes of the different towns he's visited. Strangers pass us thinking he's just another man walking on the street.

A closer look reveals that he isn't. He is Kim Jaehan, a successful singer, composer and lyricist, churning out record-breaking songs for the band Rebellion with stunning prowess. His band mates describe him as hard working, empathic, a great drinking friend known to act cute, and a man who everyone wants to call hyung. He's a man of many facets and at first glance can leave you breathless with his stunning face. A few minutes in his company quickly reveal he deserves the accolades he gets from industry critics, and that Rebellion is in his blood for life.