Wingless and Beautiful

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Raziel – the archangel who is the keeper of divine mysteries and secrets.

I didn’t see Chaise all Monday. He didn’t come up to me to my locker in between classes, did not join Denise and me for lunch. I didn’t see him even when I headed to work in the afternoon.

Fortunately, for the whole day, I also didn’t see Hunter. I guess it was just my day off from worrying about either of them. That for once, I had the day for myself to figure out what I needed to do.

When I kissed Hunter again, it felt the same as before. Electricity radiated from his lips to mine. It felt exhilarating and exciting… tormenting and heartbreaking all at the same time. It brought back all the memories of our time together. He made me feel safe and secure… and even if the world around us was full of danger, he still made me feel like I shouldn’t care. As long as I was in his arms… everything was going to be okay.

Meredith asked me to quit my job at Alibri. She said she would help me find a job, as long as I only did it over the weekends and I should stay indoors at nights. I was still arguing with her about this and we hadn’t reached a conclusion yet. But Monday night, she picked me up from work. I was thankful because I wasn’t particularly thrilled to walk home alone.

“Thanks, Mer,” I told her as soon as I got out of the car. “You actually shouldn’t have. I know you’re also tired from your work.”

“Don’t mention it, Alice. I’m your guardian. It’s my job to make sure you’re safe,” Meredith said.

As we walked up the steps to the house, I turned back to the street just in time to see a black Porsche slow down in front of our house and then drove away.

I remember that car!

It was Chaise’s. Did he follow us home to make sure I was home okay, like he used to in the past?

But why didn’t he just show himself? What was wrong with him? I feel like he was deliberately avoiding me. What did I do to him? And how can I talk to him if he wouldn’t even see me?

The next day, when Chaise did not show up again in school, I finally called him. He didn’t pick up. I must have called him more than a dozen times, but he just ignored my calls. It was really bothering me. I just wanted to know if he was okay, that he was safe.

I sent him a text message:

Chaise, I wonder where you are. I’m getting worried. Everything alright?

I waited for about ten minutes but I didn’t get anything back from him. I don’t know if he was sick or he was mad at me. But right now, as long as I know he was safe then everything else was fixable.

The next day, I didn’t see Chaise or Hunter again. I wish I could give Hunter my diary. I wanted him to know not only that I was just friends with Chaise… I also wanted him to understand why. But right now, I don’t even know where my diary is. I spent almost every day of the last one and a half years writing to Hunter on it. And now… I haven’t even given it to him, and I lost it.

It bothered me that I could have dropped it somewhere and then it fell into the hands of people who didn’t have good intentions for me. It wasn’t fair. Apart from myself, only Hunter was the only other person who had the right to read it. And it worried me that right now that somebody else could be reading about my deepest, darkest fears… my most truthful emotions; reading the words that were meant for the boy I waited for—the boy I still wanted to come back to me.

Chaise did not show up to school the next day or the next. And I knew something was really wrong. It was not like him to just not show up for school, ignore my calls or my text messages.

“Have you heard from him?” I asked Denise.

She shook her head. I could tell that she was worried too.

“I just hope that nothing bad happened.”

“Let me call his house,” Denise said, flipping her mobile to scan for Chaise’s name. Then she dialed the number and I waited anxiously beside her.

“Hi. Good afternoon. May I speak to Chaise please?”

Denise paused for a while and then she said, “Okay, thanks.”

I raised a brow at her as soon as she hung up the phone.

She shook her head. “He’s not home. His maid said he left about two hours ago.”

I sighed in relief. “Thank God.”

“Now you could breathe,” Denise said, smiling. “At least, we know he hasn’t gone missing. That we’re still looking for a living person and not waiting for a corpse to turn up.”

I gave Denise a disapproving look and she laughed. “You’re right. I miss our verbal judos. If he was here, he would have said something hilarious.”

“I just wish I know what’s going on with him. He’s not even answering my text messages.”

“Did you have a fight in the lake house?”

I shook my head. “Not that I remember. But he was pretty quiet on the way back.”

“I think he was really threatened with Hunter. He didn’t like the fact that you and Hunter were left in the cabin by yourselves,” Denise said. Then she stared at me carefully, making me feel uncomfortable.

“What?” I asked, hoping I wasn’t blushing too much.

“You would tell me, right?” she asked. “If something happened between you and Hunter… you would tell me.”

I took a deep breath and gave her a slight nod. I didn’t want to lie to her. But I can’t tell her about Hunter either… not yet.

“Speaking of Hunter, how is he? I don’t see him around either.” I tried to sound cool so Denise would not suspect anything. But deep inside, I was dying to know her answer. I hoped she wouldn’t say that he returned to Jacksonville… to see Tania or to come back there for good.

“I have no idea what goes on with him. He’s taking up a lot of extra school work to catch up on the year he was away from school. He’s like a ninja on stealth mode. He attends school and aces his makeup tests and schoolwork but we don’t really see him around,” she said dryly. “I barely see him at home. He’s always out at night.”

“Really? Where does he go?”

“I really don’t know. We’ve gotten so used to it at home. Hunter is always out at nights since he returned from his surgery. Many nights, he doesn’t even come home. I don’t know where he sleeps, or if he sleeps at all. He’s like a vampire,” she replied. “I wish I knew what’s going on in that brilliant mind of his. Anyway, I need to go. Catch you later.”

“Okay. See you later.”

I sighed in frustration after Denise left. Guess I’ll have to wait another day to hear from either Chaise or Hunter. I hoped to see Chaise soon because I wanted to set things straight. Though, I wished I could see Hunter, even just a glimpse of him… because I simply missed him.

When I got home that day, Meredith had some news for me.

“I got promoted!” she squealed.

I jumped for joy and gave her a hug. “I’m so happy for you, Mer!”

She stared at me for a moment. “And because of this… you don’t really have to work at Alibri.”

“Meredith, you were the one who got promoted. Not me.”

She shook her head. “My promotion means I could spare more for your college education. If you get a scholarship, then we will be just fine. There is no need for you to risk going home late at night.”

“But Meredith, my college fees are not the only things we need to worry about. And besides… it’s your life I’m worried about too.”

Meredith gave me a gentle smile. “And you are my life now, Alice,” she said. “At first, I admit I hated your mom for forcing this on me. I was devastated when she took her own life. I thought it was very selfish of her to do that. I was young… I couldn’t even take care of myself. I was scared! And knowing what happened to you… I thought you were going to be difficult, Alice. I thought I would have to deal with depression or rebellion.

“But no. You were quiet. You tried to smile and joke a lot. You acted like everything was gonna be just fine. And that… scared me even more. I thought you would lose it… or blow up anytime. I looked at you like a… walking time bomb ready to explode any minute. But you didn’t. And then you met Hunter and fell in love. You were just fine. I realized how strong you really were. You were far stronger than I was. I would never be able handle what happened to you.

“I found it difficult to come to terms with losing my sister. But for you… it was your mom and stepdad. I don’t think I’ve seen anybody stronger than you were. And you never wanted anybody to take care of you… or worry about you. You don’t demand special attention or sympathy just because of what happened to you. In spite of your history, you still thought about the feelings of the people around you. You were very considerate, thoughtful… selfless.”

She sighed. “If Hunter or Chaise were both trying to win you over, fighting over you… or breaking their hearts over you… don’t even ask yourself why, Alice. You are a wonderful young woman. You’re wise beyond your years and stronger than any storm that came your way. You were beautiful to begin with… your scars only added strength to your beauty. Those boys were right to be crazy about you.”

I looked down at my fingers as I listened to Meredith. I never really knew what she thought about me. And hearing her say those words, I understood a lot about myself. It was wrong of me to think so low of myself, just because I had a dark history and damaged skin to remind me of my nightmares.

Meredith smiled at me again. “I asked CRC if they have a job for you. Turns out they were looking for an assistant in the library to work there on Saturdays. I know the pay may not be as much as you receive at Alibri, but it would help you save if that’s what you want. Besides, once you’re in college, you can work out a better schedule if you want to get a job.”

She was right. My job at Alibri was far too risky. I got away with doing it because Chaise faithfully picked me up every night. I was lucky to get away from those potheads because he was following me, making sure I was safe. But I couldn’t keep on doing that to Chaise anymore. It wasn’t fair because I knew he was doing it hoping I would be able to return his feelings someday. But I knew that would never happen. It would always be Hunter.