novelraw Chapter 188: The luxury of self
Chapter 188: The luxury of self
“And also… about Lord Elias…”
“Suspicion only?”
The woman’s brow lifted, giving him a brief glance, "Anything more to add?"
Harapan hesitated, his next words caught in his throat, but from the slight tilt of her head, she already understood the full picture.
Even without him saying it.
Still, this involved Liam.
A topic that she couldn't and shouldn't decide alone without the true body.
And for that, she couldn’t act on her own.
She exhaled softly, her fingertips curling against the edge of the book she’d been reading.
Then, she closed it with a muted thud, shaking her head. A casual wave of her hand followed.
“We can’t touch him for now. The main divine is still asleep. And since this concerns the Lord… without her direct approval, I’m not in a position to interfere.”
"You should know this, child... "
Harapan lowered his gaze, his jaw tight.
"But mother, the evidences are clear, there's no doubt that-"
"And like I said, child... " She interrupted his words, "We are not in the position to do anything."
Frustration swirled in Harapan's chest, but in the end, he nodded in acceptance.
There was no point pushing further.
Elias was untouchable, for now.
The Raksasa, on the other hand, were a different matter. If we can't hit the perhaps, 'True mastermind', then Harapan planned on striking the Raksasas hard.
His thoughts quietly turned elsewhere. A flicker of gratitude stirred in his chest.
At the very least, Mother had chosen to leave behind a portion of her self here.
And that woman, this fragment before him, stood like an immovable pillar, keeping the church steady amid the growing storm.
These past couple of months, without her presence, the broken blade legion would've uprooted him from this place already.
The Church doesn't stand a chance against the Broken Blade Legion.
Even if she wasn’t the true body, to him, she was the church. Follow current novels on novel-fire.ɴet
A living anchor rooted deep into the earth.
Then...
“Regarding the next recruitment for the holy knights, Mother…” Harapan cleared his throat, remembering the matter just as he was about to excuse himself.
“If it’s not too much to ask, I’d like to request your formal presence before the new batch of apprentices… for their first day.”
At that, she slowly lifted her gaze from the closed book. Their eyes met for a split breath.
Harapan’s face froze.
He looked away at once, shoulders stiffening, almost guilty, afraid it might be blasphemous to look into her eyes directly, even if this wasn’t her real form.
“How many?” she asked, tone cool but gentle.
“This time, we’ve recruited over five thousand children, all from the refugee settlements,”
Harapan answered respectfully. “And… they’re all former slaves.”
"There's no doubt in their loyalties."
A soft hum escaped her lips.
She leaned back slightly, resting her elbows on the table and steepling her fingers under her chin.
“I see…”
She thought for a moment, fingers tapping lightly together, then spoke again with a quiet sigh.
“But I can’t appear before them as ‘Mother.’ Not with that identity. That would complicate things.”
“Then…” Harapan opened his mouth, but she was already ahead of him, cutting in smoothly.
“Before anything else, there’s something we need to clarify,” she said, shifting her posture, one hand still under her chin, the other gesturing lazily.
Her head tilted ever so slightly.
“My true body’s dual identity, being both a public figure, and at the same time the church’s object of worship… that’s not a sustainable arrangement.”
Her voice was calm, and she continued.
“To most people in the territory, her highness is just a beautiful woman, brilliant, yes, but someone rarely seen, rarely spoken of.”
She paused, eyes narrowing slightly in thought.
“That might’ve worked in the past… but ever since she fell asleep, I’ve started making adjustments.”
“Adjustments?” Harapan asked cautiously.
“Yes,” she replied plainly. “I wiped their memories.”
That sentence dropped like a stone.
She didn’t pause for effect, didn’t add drama to it, she just said it, as if it were something ordinary.
“Almost every citizen no longer remembers her appearance. I only left behind the impression of her being… well, dazzling. As radiant as a star. That’s all they know.”
Her expression didn’t change.
She unfurled a single finger, slowly gesturing.
“I severed the connection between the identity of ‘Her Highness’ and the Mother of Life"
"Only few still know the truth, you, the five elders, the three true kings, the lord, the generals under him, and perhaps some other individuals inside the castle."
Harapan’s throat tightened.
She continued.
“Even the castle staff weren’t spared. Especially those serving under the Lord.”
She glanced aside, voice lowering a notch. “Of course, I couldn’t erase the memories of everyone… the Lord’s generals, for instance, were left untouched. That much was unavoidable.”
And with that, silence fell between them again. A quiet, heavy stillness that lingered like the last breath before a storm.
“Is this really a good thing, Mother?” Harapan asked softly, his brow slightly furrowed as he watched the woman before him.
There was no resistance in his voice, just curiosity, like a child trying to understand the shape of the world again.
“It is,” she replied, her tone calm but laced with something deeper. “I’ve altered everything that was tied to the true body’s appearance. The statues, the murals… even the scriptures now reflect a different radiant, divine figure cloaked in blinding light, different from before. We’re dividing the two identities permanently. For the greater good in the near future"
"And if people questioned the origin of the church, that would be up to you to make up a fake story"
She tilted her head, eyes watching him closely. “Oh, and don’t worry… the true body’s been considering this path for a while now. I’m just… speeding things up a little.”
Harapan stayed silent, eyes locked on her face, reading every twitch, every shift in tone.
But when he didn’t object, she smiled faintly in approval.
“I’ve already purged the territory of the old statues,” she continued, “and edited the content of the scripture texts sold to the public. A few changes here and there… just enough. The rest will be up to you"
The way she said it, almost playful, made it clear she'd done more than just edit.
Harapan instinctively knew what to do next, how to respond, how to follow the flow she set.
Just keep things in order...
Then, everything would be fine
“So the Mother’s appearance during the next holy knight recruitment...?” he asked.
“Will be entirely separate,” she nodded. “Not as Her Highness. Not even as the Mother.”
“But as the second saint…”
“And beyond that,” she stood up in a fluid motion.
Her black robes shifted softly with her body, more modest than Mize’s usual attire, yet the way she moved.
She was graceful, carried a subtle allure that couldn’t be dismissed.
“We need to restructure the church properly,” she said, her tone turning more formal. “Bring it into a clean hierarchy.”
Harapan remained quiet, allowing her to continue uninterrupted.
“The top… that would be us. The Saints of the Mother of Life.”
“Beneath us, the Holy Knights. After that, the Vastem: the scripture bearers, the ones who carry doctrine to the people. And at the base, the believers.”
She turned slightly, eyes glinting. “And then… the new project. They would be our hidden weapon, their status one step higher than the holy knights but beneath the saint"
The words were spoken casually, but Harapan stiffened slightly. Of course he knew what she was referring to.
The elders knew that he was working on something, but really...
It was the woman before him that was the actual creator of the project.
“We should also give them a name,” she said.
She tapped a finger against her chin in thought, then smiled.
“We’ll call them… the False Angels.”
What, or who, these “False Angels” referred to wasn’t made clear.
A pause followed, and then she leaned forward slightly, and her eyes met Harapan’s.
"And to make things clear, I am not the Mother, nor whatever you think I am... "
...
She paused, letting the words trailed into the air briefly, and then...
“You may address me by the name I’ve chosen for myself,” she said.
“Call me Cahaya. And don’t misunderstand, I am not Her Highness. I am not the Mother.”
"Don't even refer to me incorrectly after this... "
There was no force in her voice, only a firm clarity.
Harapan felt his heart give a subtle jolt, but his face didn’t flinch.
He only nodded.
He understood.
This being, this fragment or extension of mother, was no longer a reflection of the Mother’s image.
She was something else.
Perhaps a person of her own.
And Cahaya noticed the flicker of thought in his eyes, the tiny shadow of doubt or wonder.
“I am myself,” she said gently. “Separate. Different from the true body. And like you, I am desperate enough to prove my worth… desperate enough not to be discarded.”
That last line caught him off guard.
“I…” Harapan opened his mouth, words slipping away.
Cahaya smiled faintly. “There are many like me, child. The true body created us casually, in batches. Dozens, maybe more. Some were thrown into unending labor, mindless, tireless, never allowed to see the world, never allowed the luxury of self.”
Her smile lingered, but her eyes turned just a little distant. “I am one of the lucky ones.”