Virgin 4 Life

Chapter 11

Mia finds me at my locker, takes one look at my face, and knows immediately. Her eyes narrow dangerously.

"What did that asshole do now?"

I tell her everything while shoving books into my bag with unnecessary force. The dancer pressed against him. The hot tub comment. How he chased me down just to let me push him away. How he went back and accepted Amber's invitation like I meant nothing.

My voice cracks on the last part. "He did it right in front of everyone. Like he wanted to hurt me."

Mia's face cycles through about seventeen emotions before landing on fury. "Are you kidding me? After everything? After making you skip class, after that kiss—"

"It doesn't matter." I slam my locker shut. "We're not real, remember?"

"Bullshit." She grabs my hand, examining me like a general planning battle strategy. "You know what we need? Shopping. Right now."

"Mia, I can't—"

"You look incredible in that skirt and we're buying you a whole new wardrobe. No arguments." She's already dragging me toward the parking lot. "You're going to have so many options that Caleb Voss will cry himself to sleep."

"I didn’t take any money—"

"My treat. Early birthday present." Her car beeps as she unlocks it. "Consider it an investment in watching Caleb suffer."

The mall is packed with the after-school crowd, but for once I feel invisible in the best way. Nobody here knows me as V4L or as Caleb's fake girlfriend or as the girl who got publicly rejected twenty minutes ago. I'm just another teenager with shopping bags and a borrowed attitude.

Mia becomes a woman possessed, dragging me into every store that sells anything shorter than knee-length. Forever 21, H&M, some boutique that smells like expensive perfume and bad decisions.

She piles my arms with clothes I've never imagined wearing—skirts that would give my father a heart attack, tops that actually show the existence of my breasts, dresses that cling to places I usually hide.

"This is insane," I protest as she hands me another pile in Forever 21. "I can't wear any of this."

"You're wearing that skirt right now and the world hasn't ended." She shoves me toward the dressing room. "Try them on. All of them."

The first dress is burgundy, made of some material that hugs every curve I didn't know existed. I stare at my reflection, not recognizing the girl looking back. She looks older. Dangerous. Like someone who belongs on Caleb Voss's arm.

"Mia, I can't. It's so... short. And tight. I look like I'm trying to be someone I'm not."

She appears behind me in the mirror, adjusting the straps on my shoulders. "You know what every confident person's secret is? We're all faking it. You think I came out of the womb knowing how to do winged eyeliner and walk in heels?"

"But this isn't me—"

"Yes, it is." Her voice goes serious. "This is who you've always been under all those cardigans and ankle-length skirts. You're just finally letting her breathe."

We buy three bags worth of clothes that would make my father call an exorcist. Tight jeans, actual shorts, tops that show my collarbones, skirts that end mid-thigh instead of mid-calf. With each purchase, I feel something shifting inside me, like armor clicking into place.

We're laughing about something stupid—Mia's impression of our English teacher reading Shakespeare—when we walk out of the mall's main entrance and straight into disaster.

Noah and Madison stand by the fountain, his hand in hers until he sees me. Then he drops it like it's on fire.

"Evie?"

His voice actually cracks. His eyes travel from my heels—I'm finally walking in them without wobbling—up the short skirt, over the fitted top Mia insisted I wear out of the store, to my face.

"You look... God, you look incredible."

Madison's expression shifts from confused to murderous in record time, but Noah doesn't seem to notice. He takes a step toward us, and I smell that familiar cologne that used to make me feel safe.

"I need to apologize." The words tumble out of him fast, desperate. "For everything. The way I ended things, the V4L thing, what I said in front of everyone. It was cruel and stupid and I'm so sorry."

His eyes are pleading, the same look he used to give me when he needed help with homework. "I was an idiot. The biggest idiot. I threw away the best thing in my life because of what? Because some guys teased me? I'm sorry, Evie. I'm so sorry I ruined us."

Six days ago, this apology would have meant everything. I would have forgiven him instantly, probably cried, definitely taken him back. But that was before Caleb. Before I knew what it felt like to have someone look at me like they wanted to devour me whole. Before I knew what real wanting felt like.

I think about Mia's words. Fake it till you make it. I think about Caleb choosing Amber's party. I think about the girl in the burgundy dress who looked dangerous.

I straighten my spine and become her.

"So now that I'm dating someone better than you and finally look like your wet dream, you suddenly want to apologize?"

The words feel like lightning in my mouth. Noah's jaw drops.

"That's not—I didn't mean—"

"Apology not accepted." I can't bring myself to tell him to fuck off like I want to, but the dismissal lands just as hard. "Go back to your girlfriend, Noah. We're done here."

Madison's fake nails dig into Noah's arm hard enough to leave marks. "Has our little virgin finally grown a backbone? How precious."

Her laugh is like breaking glass. "We'll see how brave you are when Caleb dumps you for someone who actually puts out. Oh wait—" Her smile turns vicious. "He already has. Amber's party tomorrow night? Yeah, everyone knows what happens in her hot tub."

They storm off, Madison dragging a shell-shocked Noah behind her. He keeps looking back like he's seeing me for the first time.

The moment they're gone, my knees start shaking.

"Oh my God." I grab Mia's arm. "Did I just reject Noah Caldwell? In public? In front of Madison?"

Mia squeals so loud people turn to stare. "That was incredible! You were like a completely different person. So cool, so confident. I'm so proud I could cry!"

The adrenaline makes me feel drunk, invincible, terrified. "I've never done anything like that. Never chosen myself over being polite."

"How did it feel?"

I think about Noah's shocked face, about standing my ground, about choosing dignity over acceptance.

"Powerful," I admit. "Like I finally remembered I'm worth something."

"You've always been worth something," Mia says firmly. "You just finally believe it."

As we walk to her car, loaded with shopping bags, I catch my reflection in a store window. Short skirt, shopping bags, chin high, looking like someone who belongs in her own skin.

I barely recognize myself, but for the first time since this all started, I like who I'm becoming. Even if Caleb never touches me again, even if I'm still technically V4L, at least I'm not the girl who lets people walk all over her anymore.

That's worth something. Maybe everything.