Their Wonder Years: Fall 98

Chapter 184: I’m Not Ready For This

The apartment had gone still after the worship. There was the kind of stillness that only followed a storm - emotional, physical, spiritual. A calm not of peace, but of suspension. Of waiting.

Bharath sat on the couch, his elbows on his knees, towel clinging to his waist, eyes fixed somewhere far beyond the walls. His hair was still wet, dripping faintly onto his collarbone. He hadn’t moved since he sat down. Not even when Mia padded past him wearing only an oversized tee, still flushed, still glowing from her self-induced climax. Not even when she leaned down and whispered, “Thank you,” before disappearing into Marisol’s room to change.

He hadn’t spoken a word.

Sarah was the first to notice something was off - really off. She emerged from the bathroom in loose cotton shorts and one of Bharath’s shirts, drying her hair. Her smile faltered when she saw him. She paused, watching him for a beat, then quietly walked into the kitchen where Marisol was on the phone.

“Hi Mrs. Anderson,” Marisol said, cupping her hand around the receiver. “Yes. This is Marisol - Mia’s sister. How are you? Yes it’s been a while. I will definitely pop in to see you when I come home the next time. Yes. Mia’s with me and she’s staying on campus with me until Friday. She is preparing for her AP exams. She’s got university tutoring today.”

She waited… then nodded.

“Gracias. Yes, thank you. No, no fever. She’s just focused. We’ll send a note if needed.”

She hung up, turned - and saw Sarah’s face.

“Something happened?”

“He’s gone quiet,” Sarah said.

Marisol didn’t hesitate. She dropped the phone onto the counter and walked barefoot toward the living room, her expression shifting from logistical authority to protective softness in an instant.

They stood on either side of him now, barely making a sound. Marisol lowered herself to the floor in front of him, resting her arms on his knees. Sarah curled up next to him on the couch, leaning her cheek against his shoulder.

“You okay, baby?” Marisol asked softly.

Nothing.

Sarah traced gentle circles on his forearm. “Bharath?”

He blinked - slow and mechanical - like his mind had to climb back down into his body.

“I’m here,” he whispered hoarsely.

Marisol exhaled with relief. “Talk to us.”

“I don’t know what to say,” he said at last, his voice low and cracked.

Marisol let out a breath, waiting.

He didn’t look at them right away. Just exhaled, eyes fixed somewhere beyond the far wall. “You two already knew what was happening. You’ve been pushing this… teasing me. Planning it. And now…”

He swallowed.

“You’re giving me permission.”

Sarah leaned in, voice soft. “We’re not just giving it. We’re offering her. Because we know she’s ready.”

“She loves you,” Marisol said. “And we love watching you with her. You could take her right now. Today. And we’d cheer you on.”

He closed his eyes.

“That’s the problem,” he whispered. “I know I could. I know she wants it-wants me. She’s already started loving you both. She’s ready to be loved back.”

“Then what’s holding you?” Sarah asked.

He looked at her then, really looked, and the vulnerability in his eyes was unguarded, raw.

“I can’t take her,” he said. “Not yet. Not unless I know what I felt with you two is there with her too. That it’s not just fire and worship and timing. You are my soulmates. I need to know that she is mine and I hers too. But I’m scared that she may not be my soulmate. I am too scared to find out. If she isn’t my soulmate, I cannot accept her. I’m scared that it will devastate her - and me. I’ve come to care for her a lot.”

Sarah tilted her head and kissed him briefly, worried on his behalf about the turmoil he was in.

He stared down at Marisol.

“She looked like you. Not her face. Her… devotion. Her fire. That scary, beautiful hunger.”

Marisol smiled softly. “She is my sister.”

“That’s what scares me.”

He leaned back, closing his eyes, as though trying to anchor himself.

“I don’t want to break her,” he whispered. “I don’t want to break any of you.”

“You won’t,” Sarah said. “You’ve only ever lifted us.”

“But there’s three of you now,” he said quietly. “And I only have two hands.”

Marisol laughed then - short and tender. “That’s what your mouth and shaft is for, dummy.”

Sarah snorted, and Bharath cracked a tiny smile despite himself.

“We’re taking today off,” Marisol said, serious again. “We all just have one class. No deadlines. We’re staying here. All day.”

“We’re syncing up,” Sarah added. “As a family.”

That word - family - hit something deep in him.

He exhaled sharply.

“I’m not ready for this.”

“You don’t have to be,” Marisol said. “Not yet. Not today.”

Sarah smiled. “But we are.”

“Right now,” Sarah continued, brushing his cheek with her knuckles, “we just need to be together. No planning. No fear.”

“Just truth,” Marisol said. “And trust.”

They stayed there like that for a long time - the three of them in a half-circle of warmth, his pulse finally slowing, his body relaxing.

He thought he had a way to know if she was his soulmate.

“I want to talk to Mia. It’s time we find out.”