novelraw Chapter 189
Chapter 189
Chapter 189
“I like you, senior. Please go out with me.”
Ah. I knew this was coming.
What was bound to happen had finally come.
The moment I received Raina’s confession, that was the thought that ran through my head.
No matter how clueless a man was, if a girl came to visit him at the hospital every single day and dragged him around to the festival alone together, it was impossible not to notice.
“…Senior?”
Raina looked up at me, urging for an answer. Her healthy-looking brown skin was flushed red as if from the heat.
Objectively speaking, Raina was a considerable beauty. Most men, in a situation like this, wouldn’t even think of hesitating. To avoid missing this chance, they’d spit out an okay sign as fast as they could.
I was no different.
Instinct began to push me. My lips were itching to just blurt out “I like you” in return. With tension, joy, and countless other emotions entangled together, I almost didn’t know what to do.
But in the middle of that numbing cocktail of emotions that paralyzed my thoughts, I ended up recalling an old memory. Over Raina’s face, I could see the face of her—the one I could no longer see.
How could I think of someone else while standing in front of a girl who had just confessed to me? What an impolite man I was.
And yet, thanks to that thought, I slowly regained my composure. I let the impulse pass and began thinking again.
“[Haa…]”
I let out a deep sigh.
Once again, I stared at Raina’s face.
I gathered courage and asked:
“[Why do you like someone like me?]”
“Well…”
“[You don’t really know anything about me, do you?]”
I cut her answer short.
Was it because of the image that had just overlapped in my head? Or was it from the self-loathing rising in my chest?
Even though I hadn’t intended it, my voice came out sharp.
I already knew from experience.
When you spoke to people like that, they usually became afraid.
My height was nearly as tall as Aaron’s, my face always hidden by a mask, my whole body covered by thick clothes. A “man whose identity was unknown.” If such a man spoke in a pressuring tone, no matter how familiar you were, you would feel small.
But Raina didn’t.
“That’s why I want to know.”
Instead, she stepped closer to me, tilting her face up.
It was me who lost ground against her boldness. Without realizing it, I stepped back.
“I want to know about you, senior.”
“[There’s nothing good to know.]”
“That’s for me to decide.”
Step.
She moved closer again.
And I stepped back again.
But then I was blocked by the wall. There was nowhere else to retreat. My back touched the wall—like a mouse cornered by a predator. The predator was Raina.
Wearing the confidence of a victor, she kept speaking.
“As you’ve already guessed, it started back at the [Showcase], when you saved me.”
Back then, despite my body being beaten to a wreck, I had risked my life to save her from Donovan, who nearly killed her. I must barely have had the strength to lift a finger, yet I still saved her.
“Since then, I became curious. What kind of person are you? Why would you abandon your normal name and instead insist on being called ‘Silence’? What kind of face do you hide beneath that mask…?”
“[You already know. I’m just a Junk Chip addict.]”
“I know you’re not that kind of person. You’re a prude, a stick-in-the-mud. Someone like that wouldn’t bother with something like Junk Chips.”
“[A s-stick-in-the-mud?]”
I was flustered at hearing such words come out of her mouth.
Raina chuckled.
“You can think I’m a strange girl if you want.”
“[W-why would you be strange?]”
“It’s fine. I’m aware of it myself.”
She let out a short sigh.
“Other girls wouldn’t act this directly. They’d play a little harder to get. Leave subtle hints, waiting for the guy to confess first. Because they don’t want to look easy.”
“[R-right…]”
“But I’m not clever enough for tricks like that. When I like someone, my head just gets filled with thoughts of that person until it feels like my chest goes boom! Waaah! You know? It gets frustrating inside.”
“[Uh… yeah.]”
I had no idea what that sound effect was supposed to mean, but I caught the nuance.
“That’s why I just say it honestly. Once I say it, I feel relieved, and before long, those feelings usually cool down. You could say I’m kind of like a boiling pot.”
Her voice carried a playful tone.
Thanks to that, I could loosen my heart a little. Yeah, in this atmosphere, it might be possible to just let it pass naturally. Thinking so, I decided to just play along.
“[Well, yeah. I guess it’s different for everyone.]”
“That’s true, but people don’t see it that way. You probably don’t know, but one of my nicknames used to be ‘quick to fall in love.’ Well… I admit there was some truth to it.”
“[…]”
“But… you know?”
Her voice changed.
Though she still wore a playful smile, her eyes began to glisten with moisture.
“This time… it feels strange, you know?”
“[R-Raina…?]”
“I… I usually don’t put much weight on confessions…”
Her lips trembled. The smile on her cheeks twisted sadly.
“So this time too… I thought I’d just say it quickly, whether I got rejected or not… so I could feel better afterward… but…”
Her voice thinned, hoarse.
Her words lost order.
The confidence drained from her face, replaced by tears streaming down her cheeks.
“T-this is weird.”
Weird.
Weird in what way?
Even Raina herself didn’t seem to know the answer.
“For some reason, this time… I feel like I shouldn’t do that. Because you’re a serious person, senior… if I treated it the same as before, I feel like you’d really hate me… and I don’t know why, but that thought scared me…”
Raina confessed.
“Y-you said I don’t know anything about you, senior… but the truth is, I looked into things. Honestly, it wasn’t even that hard. I pressed Miyu, and she spilled everything she knew…”
“[Miyu, that brat…]”
The moment her name came out.
Rustle.
Suddenly, I sensed someone at the far end of the hallway.
But I didn’t have the composure to care. What weighed heavier was the fact that Raina had uncovered a past I’d rather not reveal.
I frowned, and Raina, reading my mood, continued speaking.
“I heard about the person you used to like. About how you ended up the way you are now. Do you know how I felt when I heard that…?”
“[…]”
“It felt like my entire life was being denied. I was stunned for a while, couldn’t say a word. The words ‘I like you’ that I’ve been tossing around so easily… they felt like nothing but a child’s game.”
“[Stop it…]”
“No.”
Raina pleaded.
She poured out the words in her chest without pause.
“Since then, everything started to feel strange. I can’t tell what’s real and what’s fake. I don’t know. All I know is when I’m with you, I feel happy. But it’s not like I just miss you when you’re far away. It’s more like… I can’t stand it unless it’s you. I started wishing there was something—something that made it so I couldn’t live without you.”
Raina felt an anxiety she had never known before settle inside her chest. And the fact that Silence was the first to make her feel this way only made her focus on him more.
“This has never happened before. Even if the person I liked already had someone else, it never bothered me. I just thought I was unlucky, or the guy wasn’t right for me. But at some point… with you, senior, I can’t think that way anymore…”
Raina looked confused.
When did it start?
All she wanted was to show a small part of her heart, but instead it felt like a wall had crumbled because she couldn’t endure the weight. She seemed no longer even aware of what she was saying.
“I don’t know who that ‘person’ buried deep inside you is… but I know she must have been precious beyond words. So at first I thought I could just brush it off like usual… but I can’t stop thinking about it, and the jealousy is unbearable. It feels so unfair that I’m not ‘that person.’ I feel like I can’t live without you. I don’t even know why I’m like this…!”
“[Raina. Please, calm down.]”
Surely, the alcohol she’d had earlier was influencing her. Thinking so, I reached out a hand to comfort her.
At that moment, Raina grabbed my hand. With a strong grip, she pulled me closer to her. If not for the mask, our lips would have touched.
Raina tilted her head back.
Then, with her other hand, she gently stroked the mask on my face. Her tear-streaked face was a mess, yet beautiful all the same.
“I like you, senior.”
“[I…]”
I shook my head with difficulty.
“[I can’t…]”
“W-why not…? Because I’m just some girl who falls for anyone? Because these feelings might fade away quickly? No, senior. I promise you. I would never—”
“[No.]”
I gently pushed Raina away.
“[You’re too worked up right now.]”
“…”
“[Think about it more calmly. Whether it’s the heat of the festival or something else, there’s no need to be like this right now. Take a moment to settle your heart…]”
“Senior…!”
“[I need time to think too.]”
I answered.
“[Give me a month.]”
“But…”
“[I’ll go now.]”
I hurried away.
My head was in chaos.
Maybe I had caught some of Raina’s own turmoil. The mask covering my face was starting to feel suffocating. Pulling my hood down low, I shoved both hands into my pockets.
What should I do?
I don’t know.
I really don’t know.
Raina’s face and her face twisted together in my mind. My chest felt heavy. My steps grew quicker.
If only I had someone to talk to. But for someone like me, who had lived only with the thought of revenge until now, this was an impossible problem to solve.
Someone to talk to.
And strangely, the face that came to mind was that of my enemy—Aaron Stingray. The very man who could be called the root of all this.
‘No. There’s no way someone so perfect could ever understand my situation. Better to find someone else… wait, what?’
As I turned the corner—
“Ah.”
I saw them.
For some reason, Iri was collapsed on the floor unconscious, Miyu stood at a loss, and Aaron was rubbing his forehead as if it were all a headache.
No…
What the hell kind of mess is this…?