The Villain’s Ending

Chapter 83

Delusion (22)

We left the library.

Seraphina walked ahead.

I followed behind her.

We said nothing.

We just walked. We passed the lake, old benches, and a small plaza with an unnamed statue.

We walked like that for a long time.

Without exchanging a single word. At least, it wasn't an atmosphere where I could bring myself to speak to Seraphina first.

Before I knew it, we had entered a secluded path near the dormitory.

The sound of leaves rustling in the wind could be heard.Then, Seraphina stopped.

And she turned around to look at me. Her face was shadowed.

"Is it true, about marrying the Saintess?"

Seraphina asked.

Her voice was still dry.

"Perhaps, it looks like it will happen."

"How did the two of you meet?"

"Just, we ran into each other while I was attending church."

"Did you really meet because the Saintess loves you?"

Seraphina blurted out.

I didn't answer. When I heard the word 'love,' I had no idea how to respond.

"It couldn't have been a coincidence. Levina and the Duchess disappeared at the same time, and as soon as you became Head, only Levina returned. On top of that, suddenly rumors started circulating that the Saintess and you… yes, that you would soon become husband and wife."

"It's certainly no coincidence."

I said.

Seraphina's eyes widened slightly.

"What do you mean?"

"I was the one who suggested it. I begged her, promising I'd give her anything, to deal with my fucked-up sister and family somehow."

I said calmly.

As if speaking about someone else's story.

"And I'm so—"

Before I could finish speaking, something tripped my ankle. I lost my balance for a moment. My body tilted forward.

Just as I was about to fall, Seraphina grabbed my clothes.

And just like that, she slapped my cheek.

Smack.

A sharp sound cut through the silence of the path. My cheek felt hot.

I slowly detached Seraphina's hand that was holding onto me. Then, brushing off the dust and dirt from my legs, I stood up.

"Saying you're sorry is just words, you're not even sorry, Lavin. You're not sorry at all. Look at me. You're not sorry in the slightest."

Seraphina said.

Her voice was trembling.

When I didn't answer, Seraphina grabbed me by the collar and pushed me against a nearby tree. My back hit the rough bark.

"Do you hate me that much?"

"Of course not."

At my answer, Seraphina cupped my face. Her hands were cold and trembling.

"If you're going to say things like that, look at me and say them, look into my eyes!!! Why, just why! Even the engagement annulment I foolishly mentioned, which was about to proceed, I somehow stopped it by intimidating our family members, and I intended to be with only you from now on! Whatever you did, I planned to be only with you! When you were hugging that maid and whispering like that, hic, I didn't even wonder what you were saying, hic."

Seraphina continued to speak, crying.

"Actually, I was incredibly curious! I wondered if you were badmouthing me! I was scared that you might say things like 'someone like me is just a nominal girl you casually keep by your side, and you truly love her!' But you didn't say anything!!"

Tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Is it because I, I, hic, treated you carelessly? Did I not, not love you properly?"

Wiping away the flowing tears, she continued to speak. Her emotions poured out.

"Is it because I didn't trust you? Because I, I said harsh things to you? Because in the past, I thought it would be better if you just died like this, is that why God is giving me this, this punishment?"

"......"

"Why, just why have you been looking at me with those eyes since that day, as if you've suddenly become a different person! From the day you started looking at me with those eyes, I've had dreams of you dying every night."

Seraphina said.

"Is it because I did nothing in my dreams? Is that why? Because of something I didn't even do! Am I being hated by you because of something I didn't even do? Hic, is that it?"

She pressed me.

And she looked at my face, and our eyes met. I didn't know how I was looking at her.

I don't hate her.

Nor do I dislike her.

I didn't think I hated her. Not even when she splattered the coffee I brought her in front of everyone, when she burned the letter in front of my eyes, when she insisted I had done things I hadn't, when she pushed me away saying she was busy playing with friends if I went to talk to her, or even when she said someone like me should just die.

Rather, if asked if I loved her, I might even be able to answer yes.

But then I recalled what I had done until now.

Casually letting Seraphina's words flow past me as if annoyed, I just nodded at what she said.

Putting aside sincere conversations or serious emotions, I merely spent time with her.

To Levina, I only uttered lies, clinging to her side like a parasite.

Just because she was about to become Head, I shot her in the back of the head.

To Estelle, I used my body and heart, which probably held little value, to sway her, but when it came down to it, I couldn't even properly give her that, making excuses that it was too difficult.

While wishing someone would approach and love me, when they actually did approach, I'd put up thorns, claiming to be scared, and try to push them away, finding my own behavior incredibly laughable.

Even hedgehogs wouldn't act like this among themselves.

With Seraphina, I couldn't even find a distance where we wouldn't hurt each other.

Because we were already too close, even if one of us showed just a slight thorn, the other would get pricked.

I hate being alone.

If I approach because I hate being lonely, I'm cast aside, or if someone gets too close, I'm the one who tries to distance myself first, claiming they've come too close.

A human deserving of scorn.

Son of a prostitute.

Disgusting bastard.

Despicable piece of trash.

Worthless Scroundel.

If the me from before I blew my brains out in front of Levina, the me who, hearing all those things until now, would think, 'That's not me, why are they saying such things to me? I've at least lived a decent life,', were to look at the current me, what would he say?

He would probably point his finger and hurl insults just the same.

He'd say that if I could even regress, I shouldn't have done such things.

He'd say that I suffered so much because of the people around me, people who didn't trust me, and love itself, so how could I do the exact same things to those around me?

I would certainly be unable to respond to such words.

Because the speck of conscience remaining, which is worse than having none at all, would make me a person undeserving of a reply.

Seraphina's dreams were clearly not dreams but something she experienced directly, but I wondered if it wasn't a blessing that they remained as dreams, at least for Seraphina.

"I wish you'd tell me you love me like before. Is it because I told you not to lie when you said you loved me? If it's because I, I didn't trust your words, or because I treated you carelessly, and that's why you can't even say that, then I wish you'd at least take me by your side and bring me along."

Her pitiful trembling voice was always painful to hear. It was more comfortable to hear her always speaking with a smile, or rather, getting angry and saying she couldn't trust me.

"But if you marry the Saintess, and break off the engagement with someone like me, and we can't even see each other's faces, then now, now I won't even be able to do that anymore."

Seraphina said.

"Besides, there are still countless people trying to kill you. Many people hate the church, and do you think there won't be people trying to kill you, thinking an illegitimate child like you is sitting in such a position when there's a legitimate bloodline still alive? So, just in case, let's run away."

Seraphina grabbed my hand. Her hand was cold and faintly trembling.

"Lavin, if you still love me, if you like me, I'll do anything for you. I'll do anything for your sake, so let's run away somewhere together. Just the two of us. Okay? We can run away to another continent and live there, can't we? A mage of my caliber is sought after and hard to find, so living won't be a problem, I'm sure. Let's run away, just the two of us, hic..."

Seraphina said, crying.

Her proposal was sweet.

It would be much better than what I had suggested before, wouldn't it?

Because I don't have any great abilities like Seraphina.

Even if we were to run away, Estelle would lead those Holy Knights who had been escorting me and come to catch me. And if we were caught, even if Estelle left me alone, she would surely burn Seraphina to death without a second thought.

I didn't want Seraphina to burn to death like me.

That was a sensation too horrifying to remain merely as a dream.

What did I say to her then?

Right.

"What would make me trust you and follow you, Seraphina?"

I said in a low voice to Seraphina.

"I'm sorry. But it's truly impossible. Even if I still loved you, it wouldn't be possible, and even if I trusted you, it wouldn't be possible."

My voice was choked up without me realizing it.

"Because this time, I've stumbled too much."

No answer came.

Not long after, a faint blue light revolved faintly around Seraphina's body.

Just like that, she pushed me away at an incredibly fast speed, and began to choke me. Her fingers dug into my throat.

"Ugh, g-guh, gaaah..."

My consciousness slightly blurred like this, and I didn't expect to start over like this, I thrashed my legs, thinking such thoughts.

I looked at Seraphina. As our eyes met, the strength drained from her grip.

Then, Seraphina stared blankly at her own hands, then looked at me with a blank expression, and ran away just like that.

Like a frightened deer.

I sank to the ground there, and felt my throat. It felt as if Seraphina's touch still lingered.