The Villain’s Ending

Chapter 20

Coloring (2)

Seraphina sat on the sofa.

She said nothing.

She merely stared blankly at a spot in the air.

Occasionally, she would raise her head to glance at me, then quickly drop her gaze again.

Her hands moved restlessly.

She repeatedly gripped and released the hem of her skirt, or idly fidgeted with her fingers.

Sometimes, she would gnaw at the skin around her fingernails.

Her lips parted several times.

It seemed she wanted to say something, but no words escaped her.Only the action of moistening her dry lips with her tongue was repeated.

Her anxiety hung in the air of the room like a mist.

Her gaze drifted to the ashtray.

The cigarette butts I had smoked and discarded.

"......Those."

After a very long silence, she opened her mouth.

Her voice was incredibly faint.

"Why are you smoking them, anyway?"

Instead of answering, I picked up the cigarette pack and offered it to her.

She hesitated for a moment.

Her blue eyes wavered.

But soon, she extended a trembling hand and picked up a cigarette.

The cigarette, held between her slender, white fingers, looked somehow awkward.

She brought it to her lips.

With clumsy movements.

I silently rose from my seat and approached her.

Then I struck a match and lit it for her.

The small flame brightly illuminated her face.

Her expression was rigid with tension.

Her eyelashes trembled faintly.

Though the flame touched the tip of the cigarette, it didn't light.

With the cigarette in her mouth, she looked at a loss.

"Hold it lightly, and inhale."

I said quietly.

Following my words, she carefully inhaled with the cigarette still in her mouth.

I struck another match.

This time, it lit.

An orange ember glowed, and the tip of the cigarette began to burn down.

At the same time, hazy smoke billowed from her mouth.

Cough, cough! Ugh.

She coughed violently.

Her face was scrunched up, and tears welled in her eyes.

"W-why would anyone smoke something like this?"

Her voice was tearful.

She looked as if she would throw the cigarette away at any moment.

But she didn't.

Instead, she slowly began to smoke the cigarette.

Very clumsily and awkwardly.

She couldn't properly inhale the smoke, letting it swirl in her mouth before exhaling it.

It felt as if she were clumsily imitating me.

We smoked in a daze, without a word exchanged.

Smoke filled the room, then slowly dissipated.

Time seemed to flow very slowly.

When the cigarette had burned down about halfway, she opened her mouth.

Her gaze was still fixed on the floor.

"I told Father about the broken engagement."

She pretended to be nonchalant, just as usual.

Her voice was subtly trembling.

She was clearly shocked by my appearance just now.

"Then go back. Don't bother doing things that don't suit you."

"...Is that all you have to say?"

Her voice wavered, as if disbelieving.

"What more is there to say here?

If I were to hold onto you, would you stay?"

At those words, Seraphina's blue eyes wavered.

I rose from my seat, walked past her, and headed to the window.

"They say you released the demon sealed in the forbidden library."

"I didn't do it. You must have heard that there's no evidence against me."

"......So you're telling me to believe that?"

"Yes."

"Everyone says you did it.

They're saying you killed a fellow student, but because you're such a privileged young master, you got away with it without any trouble."

"If others say so, then that must be it. What does the truth matter?"

Perhaps she didn't like that answer, which I uttered while looking out the window instead of at her.

When I turned my head, I saw Seraphina's shoulders faintly trembling.

She raised her head and looked at me.

Her eyes were filled with distrust.

Just as they always were.

The terrible pain that choked my neck.

The helplessness of flailing in mid-air.

Her indifferent back as I stood at the threshold of death.

All those memories flashed through my mind at once.

Seraphina's appearance from that time came to mind.

Even as I hung, dying, she had cleaned my room and set the chair upright again.

I couldn't reach the floor even if I stretched my legs.

Because it was an illusion.

But what was the difference between Seraphina in front of me and that hallucination?

Even after dying and coming back to life, nothing had changed.

Everything remained the same, except for me.

I was still a suspected individual, and she still didn't believe me.

Gaining her trust was far more difficult than dying.

I found myself laughable.

"Heh."

A strange sound escaped from deep within my throat.

A muffled sound, like air escaping.

"Heh, haa..."

I clutched the windowsill and began to laugh.

At first, it was a small, choked sound.

My shoulders heaved, and my body trembled uncontrollably.

Feeling unable to stand properly, I walked to the sofa and slumped down.

Seraphina looked at me with a bewildered expression.

Her eyes widened.

"Lavin, what's wrong...?"

I didn't answer.

I couldn't answer.

The laughter wouldn't stop.

Leaning back on the sofa, I clutched my stomach and laughed.

Tears came.

I laughed so much that tears came.

It was suffocating.

I'm quite fond of black comedy, but this isn't even funny, goddammit.

Once it erupted, the laughter flowed out uncontrollably, like a dam breaking.

Seraphina, her face full of panic, tried to pat my shoulder.

I brushed her hand away.

And continued to laugh.

Until my voice grew hoarse and my stomach ached.

Like a madman.

How much time had passed?

The laughter slowly subsided.

Gasping for breath, I slumped listlessly onto the sofa.

All strength drained from my body.

Silence returned to the room.

Seraphina, her face pale, just kept staring at me.

Confusion was mixed in her eyes.

I met her gaze.

And very slowly, I opened my mouth.

"I like you, Seraphina. I think I love you too much.

You've heard me say it every day, so it probably won't evoke much emotion, but I mean it."

Seraphina couldn't answer.

She merely stared blankly at me.

"Even if you don't believe my words, even if you're always quick to criticize me no matter what I do, even if you're swayed by others, listening only to the words of those damn people you've never even met, rather than mine, I don't hate you.

No matter how much effort I put in, no matter how many hundreds of times I say I love you, you never return it, and I don't hate you for that."

Thinking back, I hadn't lied even once in the past three years.

The words I told Seraphina, that I liked her, the letters filled with pleasantries.

At least, I could be sure there was no falsehood in them.

"And I hate myself for that.

I hate the me who will be abandoned by you.

I always pretend to be fine, but if you're not here, I feel like I'll die."

The more she listened to Lavin's words, the paler Seraphina's face became.

Her blue eyes, having lost their direction, wandered aimlessly around the room.

My face, the letter stained with cigarette ash, the butts piled in the ashtray, and her own trembling hands.

She wanted to get angry.

She wanted to say, if that's how you felt, why didn't you act better sooner?

She wanted to scold him, asking how he could so casually utter "I love you" just to try and gloss over what happened in the forbidden library.

But that didn't feel right.

Every single word of his choked her.

She wanted to hug him right now and tell him everything would be alright.

Therefore, she covered her mouth with her hand.

Because the broken engagement was already a decided matter.

She had already told the Young Head of House Edelgard and her own father.

What could she say now?

The laughter, which she no longer heard, echoed in her ears.

She hated Lavin.

She loathed him for always causing trouble and tarnishing her reputation.

But at the same time, she liked him.

She couldn't help but like him.

They had spent a very short lifetime together, ever since childhood.

With such a terrible yet lovable person.

A cigarette, which he had never smoked when he was with her.

Her heart wavered.

If she were to make a fuss right now, saying she wouldn't go through with the broken engagement, would he accept it?

Perhaps her father, but certainly not Levina-nim.

That person had genuinely regretted my marriage to Lavin.

Though sometimes she had spoken excessively about it.

"I guess that's why. I can't bear to see you with anyone else, at least not while I'm alive."

She couldn't possibly bear to hear words like "I wish I could just die for the one I love."

Because it felt like not only 'Lavin' but I, too, would become a person who deserved to die.

After the broken engagement, with everything already over, and knowing that someday she would marry someone else, I hated Seraphina, who used to come to my room every morning to clean.

Her face slowly flushed.

Her blue eyes wavered, offering no answer, only looking at me.

Even this appearance of Seraphina was lovable.

It was 'Lavin''s fault.

This feeling was just dregs.

Nevertheless, I loved her.

Perhaps, for three years, I had liked the time we spent together, even though I acted like a clown, fawned over her, wrote letters, ate meals while being nagged, and was rejected no matter what I did.

Even if she didn't believe me, even if she despised me, even if I knew she would eventually abandon me like this.

"The broken engagement."

Seraphina finally managed to open her mouth.

Her voice was tiny and thin, like a mosquito's buzz.

"The talk of the broken engagement, let's discuss it later.

When the official documents arrive, we'll talk again then."

She rose from her seat.

With faltering steps, she walked towards the door.

Like someone whose strength had completely drained away.

"Alright."

I answered.

Staring blankly at her retreating back.

The door closed, and she was gone.

Only the pungent smell of cigarettes and the faint scent of lilac she left behind remained in the room.

I picked up the envelope, with its cigarette burn, lying on the table.

I slowly tore it.

Into two pieces, then four pieces.

Between my fingers, the finely torn paper fragments scattered listlessly.