The Villain’s Ending

Chapter 119

Sunset (2)

If it had been a normal day, I would have cleaned the room first, but now, I just kicked aside whatever was in my way and chain-smoked incessantly.

Honestly, I'm distraught.Because after all that, Seraphina was dismembered and died, Estelle became a lump of meat with no form left, and Levina exploded and died right before my eyes.

The me of that time, even if I went through such things, would have moved with the thought that I could do something, that I could somehow resolve it.

And thanks to that, I must have come back to life even after dying.

If that me were to see my current self, I might wonder if I've lived my life in vain.

Even if I were to say to a person who lived so diligently, "It's because my childhood was unfortunate, and I was swayed by Levina this way and that," the excuse wouldn't be accepted.

And it made me a little sad to see myself, who had seemed so normal, fail.

Because I, who couldn't die and return again, had no idea what it would have felt like when I lost Seraphina, when I lost Estelle, and when Levina died before my eyes.

I, being a coward, chose death simply because I didn't want to see the women I loved die first.

What on earth did I offer that allowed me to return even after death?

What on earth did I offer that was so great that I lost my childhood, carried only vague memories, and only began to recall them after entering the academy?

"When you call, you're just smoking the cigarette you said you quit?"

It was Seraphina's voice.

"Yeah. Why was I smoking a cigarette."

Seraphina looked at me, then wore a somewhat sad expression, before looking around the room and murmuring.

"By the way, the room's quite bare."

Last time, I would have hung the painting Seraphina had given me as a gift.

I had cleaned meticulously, hung the painting, and placed the letter I would give Seraphina in a conspicuous spot.

"Didn't you say you quit smoking?"

I took the cigarette clamped in my mouth with my fingers and extinguished it in the ashtray.

"Harder to quit than I thought."

I looked at Seraphina.

The Seraphina who had returned wearing an eye patch, and who had sobbed while nibbling a cookie in front of me, began to overlap.

The one who had cut off my wrist, who had spewed harsh words at me, who had comforted me yet wore a somewhat exhausted expression, who had said she wished someone like me would die every day, who had said she loved me, who had pleaded to just let her be by my side even if she didn't look only at me, who had burned the letter I wrote right before my eyes, who had hugged me tight when I was bruised all over as a child and comforted me that everything would be alright, who had thrown coffee at me saying it was shameful to be seen with me, who had ignored me and walked away when our eyes met while she was walking with friends, who had asked if the contents of the letter were sincere after receiving it about three times, who had held me in her arms and patted my back when I cried after Mother died, and who had finally put an end to me when I wandered around as mere agonizing consciousness.

Countless Seraphinas overlapped before my eyes.

Nausea rose, but I didn't show it.

"Seraphina."

"Hmm."

I picked up the letter on the desk and handed it to Seraphina.

Seraphina accepted the letter.

"I love you. So I tried writing a letter. I wrote it a while ago, though."

Upon hearing my words, Seraphina blushed and smiled.

And after hugging the letter for a long time, she tucked it into her embrace.

"......Thank you."

She said.

And her complexion darkened slightly.

I stood up from my seat.

"The air's not very good, is it?"

"No, uh. Right now, I was going to say something, but I can't remember."

"Ah, right. Then, shall we talk about it later?"

Seraphina tried to reply, but wore a pained expression and couldn't utter a word.

****

I tried to bring up breaking off the engagement.

The words hovered on the tip of my tongue.

But my lips wouldn't move, as if they had solidified.

It felt like a deposit of emotions, whose origin I couldn't even guess, was choking my throat.

My head ached as if it would shatter.

If I had a long iron rod, I wanted to shove it into my ear and violently stir my brain.

My love for Lavin and the reason that neither my family nor anyone around me wished for Lavin and me to be together intertwined, churning my heart.

It's agonizing.

Someone is screaming in my ear not to let go of Lavin.

The voice of Lavin dying in flames fills my ears.

Lavin's eyes, looking at me, subtly trembled.

Because my reflection in those eyes looked so incredibly anxious.

At the same time, the Lavin before my eyes overlapped into dozens, hundreds of forms.

Lavin writhing in flames, Lavin looking at me with cold eyes, Lavin hanging from the ceiling with his tongue lolling out, and Lavin whispering "I love you" just now.

The Afterimage of all those memories blurred my vision.

And scents wafted past.

Lingering Traces seemed to remain everywhere, as if assaulting my nose.

From Lavin, there was the smell of a rotting corpse.

From Lavin, there was a pleasant, fragrant smell.

From Lavin, there was a burnt smell.

Sometimes, a peculiar smell steeped in coffee and tobacco.

Sometimes, the scent as if he had sprayed my favorite lilac perfume and put on fresh, clean clothes.

Countless scents wafted past my nose.

The countless Traces, big and small, remaining on Lavin are clearly visible to my eyes.

Perhaps the food I ate today had poison, or I've gone insane, or perhaps I'm truly looking at things that have happened.

They used to say that sometimes, wizards whose skill was more than just good, wizards who were excessive even once in a century, could perceive things that would happen in the future, and things that wouldn't.

Because I might be such a person.

Objectively speaking, my talent is quite extraordinary.

And Lavin's death flashed before my eyes.

That appearance of him, becoming an empty husk attacking himself, the moment his headless body moved grotesquely.

It was my memory, yet it wasn't my memory.

Involuntarily, I clenched my fist tightly.

The faint pain of my fingernails digging into my palm seemed to help me return to reality once more.

I looked at Lavin.

What should I say?

What expression should I wear?

I just sat quietly and thought about such things.

What kind of expression am I wearing?

What kind of expression am I wearing that Lavin is looking at me like this?

My shoulders subtly trembled.

My lips parted, but no words came out.

Slowly, I bowed my head.

Because the words I intended to utter today were to break off the engagement.

And if I were to separate from Lavin, he would certainly be hanging from the ceiling.

He would become a person who couldn't even greet me, or look at me with such eyes.

Perhaps even if we broke off the engagement, Lavin might be fine.

Because there would be plenty of people around to love Lavin, even without me.

Though they would be loving only Lavin's appearance, not truly loving him.

I hope Lavin doesn't go to someone like that.

I don't remember their face, but there was definitely someone else by Lavin's side.

Someone who wasn't me.

Every time Lavin died, I wasn't by his side.

I don't know how he died so horribly, but I think I understood this one thing.

I must not let go of Lavin.

At this moment, I must hold onto Lavin tightly, and never let him go.

My gaze turned to my hands resting on my knees.

A sense of helplessness I hadn't experienced crushed my entire body.

Most of my memories, other than those of Lavin's dying moments, are hazy.

There isn't a single complete one, but I know well that Lavin has died many times.

I have to protect him.

I have to protect him.

"Seraphina?"

Lavin calls out to me, sounding worried.

Even after enduring such things from me, even when he should hate and detest me, Lavin still loves me.

I stood up from my seat. And then I approached Lavin, hugged him tightly, and kissed him.

The kiss with Lavin was dry and full of bitterness, and unpleasant, but despite that, I didn't want to pull away, so I continued to kiss him while embracing him tightly.

Slowly, I pulled away, then caressed Lavin's face as he looked at me with a somewhat bewildered expression.

I continued to caress Lavin's cheek as I spoke.

"I love you too, after all."

"......"

"I had something to say, but I think it's better not to say it after all."

I toyed with Lavin's lips, then opened my mouth again.

I definitely feel like I'm doing something foolish, swept up in emotion.

Even though the feeling I'm experiencing probably isn't truly mine.

But if I'm to live in such a feeling in the future, then holding onto Lavin now must be the right thing to do.

Actually, even if I'm not a brilliant mage but just insane, I must keep Lavin by my side.

Rather, if it's insanity, I'll surely wither and die without Lavin.

"Lavin, should we just quit the academy and live together, just the two of us?"

Lavin wore an expression from which I couldn't read any emotion.

I had never seen him wear such a face ever since he was a child.

"Let's get married. I'll protect you.

Let's go to a place where only the two of us can live, with no Family Head, no other women, and no people approaching us just because they're nobles."

Lavin didn't reply to my words, but caressed my face, then opened his mouth.

"Just the two of us won't work."