The System is Abstract, Luckily, So Am I

Chapter 164 : I'm Going to Crash, Crash, Crash Right Into You

In the end, Lin Li's heart softened.

He ultimately decided to call two cars: one for the girls, and one for the organisms that were not girls.

"Did you guys get a car? Ours is already here." At the entrance of the library, Chen Yuying held her hand flat above her forehead to block the sun and turned back to ask.

When she bent forward slightly, one of her lower legs subconsciously lifted, adding a touch of elegance to her beautiful curves.

"Got one," Lin Li made an OK gesture.

Calling a car these days was indeed convenient and fast.

Lin Li still remembered when he was a kid, you had to go to a specific spot and stick your hand out to hail those old-fashioned taxis. The inside of some of them smelled strongly of gasoline and paint. If you happened to carpool with a middle-aged woman wearing heavy perfume... just thinking about it made Lin Li feel sick all over.

In that kind of situation, throwing up wasn't even a matter of motion sickness anymore.

His phone vibrated; a message had arrived on the ride-hailing app.

[Driver Wu: Hello, is your location accurate? I will follow the navigation to get there.]

Lin Li tapped an auto-reply.

[Lin Li: Hello, my location is accurate. Please follow the navigation to pick me up.]

[Driver Wu: Okay, I'll be there in four minutes. Black car, license plate ending in 9527. What are your distinguishing features, customer?]

[Lin Li: I am very handsome.]

The other party didn't reply immediately.

[Driver Wu: Okay, I'm coming to crash into you right now.]

[Driver Wu: Pick you up.]

[Driver Wu: Sorry, I was using handwriting input and wrote the wrong character.]

Lin Li: "..."

*You had better have written the wrong character.*

A short while later, a black car drove over with its hazard lights flashing. It actually arrived faster than the girls' car.

After confirming the license plate number, Lin Li and Bai Bufan got in first. Both chose the back seat, where seatbelts weren't strictly enforced, and waved goodbye to the girls.

"Phone number ending in 9749," Lin Li immediately stated upon getting in.

The driver entered the last four digits into the app. Once the interface switched to navigation mode, he started the car.

"Your features really weren't wrong, young man. You are indeed very handsome. I saw a tall guy like you from far away. Kids these days really get good nutrition."

Some drivers aren't good at chatting and prefer to drive in silence. Some drivers love to shoot the breeze with their passengers. The one right now clearly belonged to the latter category.

Of course, it could also just be for a good rating.

"Driver, do you want to guess a riddle?" Hearing this, Lin Li suddenly asked with great enthusiasm, seemingly completely out of sync with the conversation.

"Sure, what's the riddle? Let's hear it." The driver nodded, keeping his eyes on the road but sounding quite interested.

"I have long legs. Guess a food."

Bai Bufan raised an eyebrow. The moment he heard the riddle, he let out a disdainful chuckle.

The driver, however, didn't know exactly what kind of creature Lin Li was. He thought hard for a good while, eventually frowning and shaking his head:

"Young man, I can't guess it. Just tell me the answer."

"Bufan?" Lin Li turned his head.

"It's cake, right?" Although phrased as a question, his tone was clearly certain.

(Translator's Note: In Chinese, "cake" is "dan gao". "Dan" means egg/testicle, and "gao" sounds like "tall". So "cake" sounds like "tall testicles", implying long legs on a male).*

"Bingo!" Lin Li snapped his fingers.

"Cake? Why is it cake? Oh—" The driver was stunned at first, then suddenly realized the punchline, ultimately looking caught between laughing and crying.

No wonder he had to emphasize the word "I".

After all, this riddle did require a specific gender to determine the answer. If a girl had long legs, the answer would probably have to change to ice cream.

(Translator's Note: "Ice cream" is "xue gao". "Xue" sounds like "blood/menstruation", and "gao" sounds like "tall").*

"You two are students, right? Sigh, I really can't keep up with the thought processes of kids these days."

The driver shook his head, his expression complex.

"Sir, we aren't students. These school uniforms are just our disguise. Our real job is hunting aliens," Lin Li denied seriously.

"Aliens? Where are there aliens in this world?" the driver laughed.

"You've never seen an alien, have you?" Bai Bufan took over the questioning from Lin Li.

"Nope."

"You're welcome." Lin Li and Bai Bufan exchanged a glance, smiled profoundly, leaned back against their seats, and looked out their respective windows.

*Brushing off one's clothes after the deed is done, hiding one's merit and fame.*

There was no need to emphasize it; after all, this was just what they were supposed to do.

The driver, watching this scene through the rearview mirror: "..."

*You motherfuckers.*

*So the reason I haven't seen any is because you guys hunted them all down, huh?*

However, being a driver, he was always aware of the diversity of species. Last time he took a late-night order, the customer's note said they were bringing a drunk friend, but promised to pay five hundred extra if they threw up in the car. He was originally going to take the order, until he saw the destination was the funeral parlor.

Upon further questioning, it turned out the bastard thought the funeral parlor's hearse was too expensive and wanted to hail a cab himself.

Compared to that, these two kids were quite normal.

They hit a red light at an intersection, so the car had to stop.

"Do you guys want to listen to some music?" Rubbing his shoulders, which were sore from driving too long, the driver felt it was a bit too quiet and asked.

"Sure," Lin Li nodded, having no objections.

"A friend walks together for a lifetime, those days are no longer there, a deep affection, a lifetime—" The driver pulled a small microphone out of the storage box next to the driver's seat and began to sing passionately.

(Translator's Note: The driver is singing Wakin Chau's "Friends" with a heavy accent).*

Lin Li, Bai Bufan: "?"

Lin Li finally understood that heroes in this world were as numerous as carp crossing the river.

*Motherfucker, is this how we're listening to music?*

*The driver is singing it?!*

"We're not listening anymore, we're not listening anymore, sir. Drive safely, put the microphone down. If you get caught on camera later, you'll get points deducted from your license." Lin Li surrendered.

"Alright."

The driver put the microphone down with some regret. *One day, I'll meet passengers who truly understand music.*

Unable to sing, the driver began replying to some messages on his phone.

This originally had nothing to do with Lin Li, but thinking of something, Lin Li suddenly narrowed his eyes and spoke up: "Sir."

"Hmm?"

"Didn't you say you were using handwriting input?" Lin Li asked.

The driver's hands, which had been typing rapidly, froze. After a few seconds of pause, he quickly switched to the handwriting interface and began writing clumsily.

"I *am* using handwriting input."

Lin Li: "..."

*Sure enough, you saying you were going to crash into me earlier was on purpose, wasn't it?*

*Forget it. For the sake of him singing for me, I won't give him a bad review.*

They arrived at the destination and got out of the car.

Lin Li glanced at his phone and said to Bai Bufan, "Bufan, the fare was 13.8. Just transfer me 14 later, I'll cover the remaining two cents myself."

Bai Bufan's smile was somewhat gratified.

The fact that Lin Li didn't ask him for twenty bucks this time showed he was truly acting like a decent human being.

"Hello, how many in your party?"

"Five. Three girls will be coming over later, please bring them to our table." Chen Yuying and the others hadn't arrived yet, but there was no need to wait at the door. So, facing the staff's inquiry upon entering the restaurant, Lin Li answered like this.

"Okay, for five people, please follow me. Is this table alright?" The staff member led the two of them to a square table with seating on three sides. Seeing Lin Li nod, he introduced, "The buffet area is over there. Take a look and see what you need, you can just grab it yourselves."

Ding Sihan seemed to have already ordered the set meal, so there was no need for the two of them to look at the ordering tablet.

Bai Bufan leaned back against the sofa, suddenly grabbed Lin Li's collar, then twisted his neck to look at his own, and asked curiously, "Lin Li, why is the collar of your school uniform so white? Mine has turned yellow, and even scrubbing it doesn't get the yellow out."

"School uniforms easily turn yellow, and regular laundry detergent has a hard time washing it out. It's true that many people get headaches over this, but this problem is actually very easy to solve," Lin Li smiled profoundly.

"Teach me," Bai Bufan immediately adopted the posture of an admiring disciple.

"Actually, you might want to try taking some headache medicine while washing it. That way, your head won't ache anymore," Lin Li answered.

Bai Bufan: "?"

"I fucking want you to solve the problem of the clothes turning yellow, not the problem of my head aching!" Bai Bufan delivered two solid punches to Lin Li's shoulder blades.

"Who can solve that?" Lin Li spread his hands, indicating his powerlessness.

"Then why is your collar so white?" Bai Bufan was even more puzzled.

"My mom knows that besides my underwear and socks, I throw all my other clothes into the washing machine, which definitely won't wash them clean. So for the summer uniform, she just bought me two extra sets so I can change them more often. If you had two extra sets to change into, I reckon yours would be as white as mine," Lin Li answered.

Bai Bufan: "..."

The problem seemed to have been solved in an unexpected way, one that wasn't very suitable for imitation.

After all, summer was almost over.

"Let's go grab some food," Lin Li stood up and led Bai Bufan to the buffet area.

When the meat crab casserole is served, it's considered a "dry pot." But after you've eaten most of the main ingredients like shrimp, crab, and squid, you can add water to the remaining pot full of oily sauce, turning it into a hot pot. Adding vegetables or meat to boil in it tastes pretty good too.

The buffet area of this restaurant was quite large. It didn't just provide dipping sauces, side dishes, and fruit, but also some raw vegetables for boiling. No wonder just the "tea and seating fee" was nearly twenty bucks per person.

When they returned with a few plates of side dishes, Chen Yuying and the other two had already taken their seats. After placing the plates in front of them, Lin Li prepared to head back to the buffet area while asking, "Do you guys eat mangoes? If you do, I'll grab some."

"No thanks, I don't like mangoes," Ding Sihan waved her hand.

"I wasn't asking you."

Ding Sihan: "..."

"I was asking you, I was asking you, I was asking you. Friendly reminder: the mangoes I'm talking about are already cut up by the restaurant, so you don't need to peel them or remove the pit yourself," Lin Li added with a smile, facing Ding Sihan's resentful glare.

"Then I want some. I love mangoes the most," Ding Sihan immediately changed her tune.

*Too real.*

Lin Li and Bai Bufan made several trips back and forth, bringing back many plates of ingredients.

And the meat crab casserole they had ordered, along with some other meat dishes ordered a la carte, had also begun to be served one after another.

*Served this fast, could they be pre-made meals?*

Looking at Chen Yuying, who was drinking juice, Lin Li suddenly spoke up: "Class Rep, a bottle full of rocks can still hold water, but a bottle full of water can't hold a single rock. Do you know what this tells us?"

"Hmm?" Chen Yuying put down her cup, tilted her head slightly, letting her long hair fall over her neck, and asked with some confusion, "Isn't this an elementary school question? It tells us that life needs to have gaps so the sunlight can shine in?"

Very philosophical, but Lin Li shook his head.

Lin Li looked at Qu Wanqiu.

"Don't speak too absolutely, and don't push things to the extreme?"

Lin Li shook his head again and looked at Ding Sihan.

"When drinking beverages, you shouldn't add ice, it's a rip-off. Here I'm calling out Luckin Coffee, two-thirds of a cup of coffee is just ice."

Lin Li felt somewhat gratified, but still shook his head. Finally, he turned his gaze to Bai Bufan, upon whom he placed high hopes.

"Class Rep, what Lin Li means is, since we're basically eating at a buffet, we shouldn't fill up on drinks first," Bai Bufan chuckled disdainfully once again and gave the answer with certainty.

"Smack!" Lin Li and Bai Bufan high-fived. "You're the only one who truly understands me!"

Chen Yuying: "..."

She blinked, didn't say a word, and quietly took another sip.

*Hmph, I'll drink if I want to.*

(End of Chapter)