The Right Fit

Chapter 47

“I’ve never told this to anyone.”

It took Antony almost half an hour to explain what happened the night of the accident. He pushed himself off the chair, walked around the living room, pausing at the window, and then sitting on the couch, all the while his expression contorted to different levels of pain as the words came out. When he was finished, he slumped on the couch, staring at his hands clasped on his lap.

Maxine asked, “Why did he lie about driving?”

“So I could go on and take his place,” he explained. “He had state of mind, even right after accident…he knew he’d never make the pros, and that I would be charged with drunk driving. We’d both be ruined, our parents, too. If I had waited for cab—” He raised his hands then let them fall back into his lap. “Different life—for whole family.”

“But he’s so hateful,” Maxine said. “I understand that he feels cheated, but he’s choosing to have no life at all. He lives through you, Antony! Can’t you see how damaging that is for both of you?”

For the first time, Antony lost his tired countenance. A flash of resistance crossed his features. “He gave me chance to play professionally. If he hadn’t lied, I might still be in jail, he’d be in cheap care home, and our parents would have second mortgage, probably work two jobs.”

“You got yourself into the professional league.”

“I owe him.” Antony sat up straighter. “You’d do same for Westley or thin twins.”

“I wouldn’t take their life as payment for my sacrifice, though. You do something out of love because you want to, not because of obligation.” She pushed away from the table and went to the kitchen.

Antony made his way over, he put a hand on the counter close to hers.

She stared at their hands, almost touching. This was the moment Maxine wanted to keep dodging. She could feel the stake pulsate in her heart. “Am I your good fu—” She stopped, unable to even say it out loud. The crudeness twisted her stomach. “I mean good luck charm?” she whispered.

He was still as stone and then said, “Oui.”

“So every time we were together…?” Her voice cracked. She kept staring at their hands on the counter.

“Non.” He moved his hand over hers, his thumb brushing the tops of her knuckles. “At first you brought luck to every game, but I want to see you anyway. Then I want to tell you, but I was afraid of losing you.”

She waited for him to say something convincing. Another gap of heavy silence pushed between them. Antony’s hands moved to her shoulders, turning her to face him. “I love you. J’ai besoin de toi, I need you.” The rigidity in her stance started to melt. Carefully,

Antony leaned closer to kiss her, his eyes dropping to her lips. Maxine only had one choice. The stake would have to be pulled out, and it would hurt like hell.

“No,” she said, placing a flat palm against his chest. “I have to make decisions based on my own happiness.” As she stepped away, a deep visceral pain pulled inside. “And I will never be happy kissing you again because I’ll always wonder if it’s real.”

He stared at her hard. “Je t’aime! Why is this hard for you to believe?”

“Because you’re so good at making me believe anything you say, I don’t know what’s real about us.”

“This is real,” he said, taking her face in his hands, kissing her softly at first, then nudging her mouth to open with his tongue, firm and desperate.

It would be so easy to fall into bed with Antony, but Maxine was determined not to let that happen. Make choices based on your own happiness, she repeated in her mind like a mantra.

It took all of her willpower to stop kissing him. “No,” she cried, her voice was garbled. “It’s too much…you’re too much.”

“Why is this wrong? I care for you.” He ran a hand through his hair, the longer piece slid back over his forehead. “How can you say it is too much? For me, you are never enough.”

She blinked a few times, her eyelids felt swollen. “But it’s not real, Antony.” She waved a hand between the two of them. “This fast-paced affair is based on lies. It was a fantasy, a dream…and now it’s time to wake up.”

“Meaning?”

“I’ve been living with my head in the clouds, trying to convince myself that what we started was true, but it’s not.” She sniffed. “Our worlds are too different. Ever since that first night I’ve been waiting for something like this to happen.”

“What to happen?”

“Proof that we don’t belong together.”

“Mais, je t’aime.” His eyes blazed and he reached for her. “I love you.”

“Stop,” Maxine’s voice was strained. She fought back the tears. “You say you love me, but you used me. You don’t know what love is!”

The muscles in his face grew rigid. Antony stomped to the fridge. He opened the freezer door and took out the chocolate ice cream, still labeled with Johnny’s name.

“This is truth,” he said, “I love you, I want to make love to you and only you—but it’s not enough, oui?” Then he slammed the ice cream container down on the counter. “You rather wait for Johnny the jerk to return. Is that how you want to be loved? By someone who doesn’t want to even look at your face when he has sex with you!”

It was as if a silent bomb went off in her little kitchen. For a moment neither one of them spoke.

“Oh shit—je suis desolate.” His shoulders crumbled. “Please, je suis idiot.”

Maxine stood in a trance, trying to focus. All of the intensity imploded upon itself inside her heart. How could she live with this constant rising and falling of passion? “I can’t have you in my life,” she said.

He squeezed her shoulders, tilting his head to get her eyes to focus on him. “Maxine, regard moi.”

“We can’t fight fate. This is how it’s supposed to end between us,” she said dully, exhausted.

“Non.”

“Whatever we had wasn’t love, we were just…using each other. I was your good luck charm and you were my rebound.”

“Rebound?”

Her voice sounded empty. “You were supposed to help me get over Johnny. A fun fling, someone to make me feel desirable again. I’m sorry, I never thought I’d fall in love with you, or that you’d want to be with

me…but we can’t keep going like this. I spent four years working on the last relationship. I can’t waste any more time on someone who lies to me.”

“And you get to decide our future?” Antony’s arms dropped to his sides like dead weights. “No matter what I want?”

“Maybe if we’d been completely honest with each other in the beginning…” Her voice trailed off. “Things might be different.”

His Adam’s apple rose and fell. “I was supposed to help you get over Johnny?” His voice was cold, distant. “Did I?”

Maxine walked toward the apartment door, it seemed like her feet were inside blocks of cement. She watched her hand turn the knob. Her heart was screaming for her to stop, but her brain was making the decision today. “You have to go now,” she said, completely spent. She opened the door wide and stood to the side.

“Answer my question first.”

“It doesn’t matter.” She couldn’t look at him, instead Maxine kept her gaze drilled into the space beside his wet boots. “You’re no longer my rebound, and I won’t be your good luck charm anymore.”

Antony didn’t move at first, then swiftly he brushed past her, his footsteps faded down the hallway away from her.