The Kingpin's Possession

57: Unbearable Emotions

Kit:His heart thundered uncomfortably inside Kit’s chest. His stomach dropped, the sense of foreboding reaching its full potential. It was difficult for him to explain the mix of emotions raging in his heart right now. He felt awful, excited, afraid, and jealous all at the same time—and in multitudes.

Especially when he saw the soft smile on P’Kim’s face as he embraced P’Kanya, before placing a soft kiss on top of her head.

Jealousy reared its ugly head, and Kit’s fingers curled around the banister as his knuckles turned white. And he hoped and prayed to all the gods above that his inner turmoil’s weren’t visible on his face, because he didn’t want to be the party pooper at such an auspicious occasion.

He had to constantly remind himself that this was all for P’Kim. It was to get his family members off his back and to allow him to hold onto the family business that his father had worked so hard to build from scratch. But try as he might, his heart refused to cooperate with his brain, with the rational side of him that knew this needed to be done.

Why was he feeling like this? Why couldn’t he stop himself from being so… selfish? He should be a good brother and a good lover; he was supposed to be happy for them. He was supposed to know that this was all pretence…all for show…

But the heart couldn’t lie; especially when he saw the smile on P’Kim’s face…he could feel all his insecurities and fears crashing down on him.

Kit remained silent as Som squealed in delight, hugging P’Kanya as well.

“We mustKit felt even more conflicted as he watched P’Kim nod, still smiling, and say, “Then let’s have a feast to celebrate the good news. Feel free to make the preparations, as much as I would like to help, I unfortunately have some urgent work to attend to. I will be back for dinner, though.”

And with that, he made his leave without so much as a glance at Kit.

Oh… This twisted serpent of pain gnawed at his carefully crafted armor until its fangs finally broke through the brittle material. And just like that, he was reduced to a mere outcast, a tiny compartment in P’Kim’s large life.

The changes he had been fearing were now already taking place, and soon enough, P’Kanya will be legally married to P’Kim, while all Kit will be left with would be a broken heart and memories of the time he was happily in love with P’Kim.

‘Think happy thoughts!I know the circumstances of their marriage-to-be, and it is nothing our love can’t conquer.’He was usually a good brother and person, but he couldn’t bring himself to be one now.

How pathetic of me.Am I truly as weak as this? So weak that one or two hurdles are enough to break me to pieces?For a moment, it seemed to work, but when P’Kanya’s eyes met his own, his mind shot forward years into a future that saw P’Kim and P’Kanya lovingly raising their child into a family without Kit.

There was no other way of putting it: his first love was coming to an end. And he could do absolutely nothing about it but to watch from the sidelines.

As P’Kanya approached him—still with that damned smile plastered on her face that made it impossible to harbor negative feelings for her—he put his hands behind his back and clenched them into fists, his nails digging into his skin. He had to feel physical pain, or else his heart would burst into shards.

“Kit!” P’Kanya told him excitedly, tears gleaming in her eyes. “Did you hear the news? Did you?”

“Dai khap“I love you, NongHe should teach himself to be genuinely happy for her. Yes, he should be happy for her.

It took him a lot of effort to unclench his hands and pull P’Kanya in for a hug. “And I love you as well, Phi. It must have sounded real to her, because she wrapped her arms around him tighter. Meanwhile, to Kit’s ears, it felt hollow and damning—like an admission of guilt.

He blinked back the tears that threatened to fall before he attempted to pull away from the hug. ‘Attempted’ because when he did so, P’Kanya only pulled him back in.

“I could have no better brother than you,” she said, and she might have meant for it to be something sweet and motherly, but when Kit heard those words, he wanted nothing more than to run away and never look back. He felt like an imposter, someone pretending to be someone they were not.

Thankfully, though, when Kit pulled away for the second time, P’Kanya finally let him go. “You must be tired,” he said. “Let me help you to your room.”

“Okay,” she said. “Thank you.”

After letting the others know that she was going to take her rest upstairs, Kit placed an arm around her as they went. Behind them, he heard Som mutter excitedly about celebratory plans and what she wanted to eat.

Good for her, because there was no way he could sit in a table and enjoy a meal after the way his mind was a mess of emotions.

Inside her room, Kit tucked P’Kanya under the sheets, placing several pillows securely around her to make her comfortable. “You rest well here, alright?” he said. “Regain your energy so you can celebrate freely later on.”

P’Kanya laughed slightly. “Well, aren’t you such a mother hen,” she teased. “Keep that up, and you might be a better mother for this child than me.”

How ironicfor you to tease me about something I desperately wish to be true.He must have forgotten to fake a laugh because P’Kanya’s smile faded and she asked, concerned, “Is everything alright? You look a little pale.”

Kit tried to make his facial expression a bit more pleasant. “Am I? It must be the light. Everything is fine, PhiShe decided to let it go, thinking that she must have mistaken the shadows under his eyes. “Well, if you say so.” Kit was about to turn around and leave when she continued, “How were your exams?”

“They went great,” he said. And just then, a thought crossed his mind, a thought that could help him escape the celebratory dinner, and without wasting another second of overthinking, he added, “Actually, I wanted to ask your permission. My friends were having a party to celebrate the end of our semester year. They invited me for dinner as well, at Earth’s house, but Som wants to have a grand dinner here…”

P’Kanya smiled, understanding that her brother wanted to celebrate with his friends and some booze. “Of course! Why not? Go celebrate with your friends, you deserve it,” she said. “I’ll handle Nong Som, tell her that you needed to celebrate end of semester with your friends.”

“Wonderful,” he said, returning her smile. “Thank you. I’ll go and let them know that I’m coming over.” Careful not to let his face drop, he left the room.

“Have fun, dek dekAnd as he closed the door behind him, Kit’s smile dropped and he finally let his tears fall—no one around to witness his pain.