novelraw Chapter 169: Loss Of Self
Chapter 169: Loss Of Self
***
Moments Earlier, Within The Dream...
"I’m going to catch you~!"
Ignotus sat on a grassy hill with a nice soft breeze. Eris was beside him, while Gaia called somewhere below them. She was chasing their daughter in circles around the base of a tree.
He had his hands behind his head, his eyes half-closed, listening to his wife’s laughs and his kid’s tiny squeals.
It was a nice scene... too nice and peaceful.
Eris, beside him, had Her knees drawn up, Her chin resting on them.
For once, She wasn’t needling him or calling him out or being the mother he never asked for.
She just calmly sat there, content and radiating a warmth that made the whole scene feel like it belonged in a storybook.
"It’s the perfect ending, hm?"
Eris exhaled a tiny laugh.
"You finally admit something is sweet without making a face."
"I’m not making a face."
"You always make a face."
Ignotus grunted, refusing to take the bait.
It was too comfortable to banter, but this was the kind of moment where even he didn’t feel the need to crack a joke.
A few long seconds passed...
"Though the sun’s too bright today, no?"
Eris looked up at the sky.
"That’s how it is in the First Stratum... I’m surprised you’re not used to it yet."
Her red eyes locked directly on the sun with no issue.
"It’s not like that’s a bad thing."
Ignotus nodded.
"...yeah, it isn’t a bad thing."
His words came very softly.
"Nothing’s been bad since that day."
Eris shrugged Her delicate shoulders.
"And that’s a good thing."
Her tone tried to brush it off but didn’t quite hide the thought behind it.
"You’re acting weird, my Calamity."
Ignotus side-eyed Her.
"Me?"
He tilted his head.
"I’m perfectly normal."
She frowned a little.
"Ignotus, you were never normal."
He chuckled.
"That’s fair."
His daughter tripped on the grass, fell, and burst into delighted giggles.
Gaia swooped in with exaggerated panic, scooping her up and spinning.
It was wholesome enough to make a hardened bastard cry.
"Just when..."
Ignotus narrowed his eyes.
"When did this happen?"
"Hm?"
Eris didn’t look at him, but Her posture tightened.
"When did what happen?"
"All this."
He gestured at everything—the hill, the trees, the endless perfect light.
"We were... doing something before, right?"
Eris finally turned to him, Her eyes gentle.
"Yes, we broke the world, remember?"
"Broke the world... how did we do that?"
"We just did; don’t worry about it too much."
"That’s supposed to be reassuring?"
"Isn’t it?"
"No, not really."
They watched Gaia for a while.
Ignotus couldn’t help but think that she looked too perfect.
She laughed at the same rhythm each time she caught their daughter.
That, for some reason, made a faint itch crawl along Ignotus’s neck.
"How long have we been watching her play with..."
He stopped talking.
Who was Gaia playing with?
It was his daughter, he knew that, but...
What was her name? Her age? How did he not know that?
How did he not question that before today, in all his years of living here?
And how was it that he felt nothing for that revelation, as if it didn’t mean anything?
"Hey Eris... do you ever feel like you should be worried but you’re not?"
"All the time. That’s why I force myself to worry now."
"About what?"
"You."
She tapped his forehead lightly.
"You’re calm."
"I can be calm."
"Yes, but not to this degree."
Ignotus exhaled a laugh.
"Wow~... I’m getting attacked for being relaxed."
"You don’t get relaxed, Ignotus. You zone out, or you stand guard, or you complain about things that aren’t problems. But you don’t... sit in peace, at least not without a reason."
He stared at Her.
She stared back.
Then, very delicately, She asked:
"So you think... this is a little too good?"
That was a careful question placed between them.
A tiny crack that spread across the scene.
"Are you saying my kid can’t be this cute?"
"I’m saying that you shouldn’t be this calm."
"How rude."
Eris giggled, but Her showed none of that.
She looked at Ignotus’s daughter, at Gaia, and at the perfect, unmoving sky.
This all felt like a dream, a very nice dream... but perhaps that was all it was.
Her hand brushed his, and their fingers intertwined.
Together, they finally let the truth settle.
Their eyes met, sharing that truth.
Eris squeezed his hand once.
A second later, both used their free hands and placed them on each other’s hearts.
They pierced each other’s skin, tearing through muscle and bursting the source of their blood, killing each other in one synchronized motion.
SNAP.
***
Blood pooled around them as the world shattered, bursting outward in bright fractures as everything fell away.
They reappeared in a lavish throne hall, one of gold and red carpets.
Eris was sitting on a large golden throne, draped in pure black, Her crimson eyes burning at the trembling man who knelt before Her.
"What is it that you want, counselor?"
"Please, my Goddess! We beg of you, involve our kingdom in the war! Staying neutral is a mistake!"
Eris stared him down, then slowly turned Her head to the right.
A tall, white-haired, gray-eyed man stood beside the throne.
Ignotus.
"She has decided, and that is final..."
He rejected calmly, his voice smooth, but inside?
’Why am I saying this?’
’Where the Hell am I?’
’Is this Her dream?’
His thoughts were a frantic swarm smashing against a locked door.
"You may leave..." he heard himself say.
Ding!
—
[WARNING, WARNING, WARNING!]
[You Are Losing Yourself!]
[Resist!]
—
The counselor snapped his head toward him.
"And who are YOU to order me?! You’re merely Her Saint!"
Oh, that was a bad choice... perhaps the worst one.
Eris’s expression iced over.
"Guards. Send this man to the dungeons."
Four armored guards grabbed him instantly, dragging him away as he shrieked about treason and injustice, words that were heard by no one.
Once he was gone, Eris turned Her gaze back toward Ignotus.
A soft, almost fragile smile touched Her lips.
"I’m sorry."
Ding!
—
{Loss of Self: 3%}
—
Since Ignotus wasn’t willing to live in a happy dream, the illusion decided to force his acceptance in what appeared to be Eris’s past... The time when She was a Higher God.
—
{Loss of Self: 4%}
—
And he was losing himself fast.
Ignotus had to find a way out of here!