Chapter 109 - 110: The Note
Chapter 109 - 110: The Note
Elara’s POV
That evening, I sat alone in my chambers, trying to quiet my thoughts.
The council meeting had left me restless. .
I began to clear my table. Not because it needed clearing. The papers were stacked neatly, the reports filed, the correspondence sorted. But I needed something to do with my hands. Something to keep my mind from spinning.
My fingers paused when I noticed something protruding from beneath a stack of papers.
A corner. Folded. Intentional.
I stilled.
The paper was plain. Not palace parchment. Not the heavy, sealed stationery that official correspondence came on. Just a folded square, small enough to hide in a sleeve, plain enough to be overlooked. Someone had placed it here. While I was at the council meeting. While my chambers were empty. While the guards were at their posts and the servants were elsewhere.
Slowly, I drew it out.
It was a note.
My breath caught before I even broke the seal. Because I already knew. I could feel it in the weight of the paper, in the way my hands had started to tremble, in the way my heart had begun to pound against my ribs. I knew who had sent this.
Kaelen.
I opened it carefully, as though it might vanish if handled too roughly.
I read the words once. Then again. Then a third time.
I am glad.
That was how it started. Simple. Direct. The way he always was when he was not performing for anyone. When he was just Kaelen, the man who had stood outside my door, who had held me while I cried, who had kissed me like I was the only thing in the world that mattered.
I am glad you carry my child. I have been sitting with it since you told me. I do not have the words for what I feel. But I am glad.
My hand pressed against my stomach. The child. His child. He was glad. Not angry. Not frightened. Not running. Glad.
I kept reading.
I miss you. I have missed you every day since you sent me away. I have told myself that I was fighting for something bigger. That the movement mattered more. That the cause was worth the cost. That losing you was a price I had to pay.
But I miss you.
I love you.
There is no flourish to it. No dramatics. Just the truth. I love you
I had to stop reading. My eyes were burning. My hands were shaking. I pressed the note against my chest and closed my eyes, feeling the paper crinkle against my palm.
He loved me. He had written it. In his own hand. On plain paper. Hidden beneath a stack of reports where only I would find it.
I took a breath. Then another. Then I read the rest.
Perhaps someday we will be together without shadows. Without watchers. Without war pressing at our backs. Perhaps someday I will wake up beside you and not have to leave before dawn. Perhaps someday we will be able to tell the world without fear.
But until then...
There is a way.
If you need me, send word through certain individuals within the palace. They are known to me. They have been watching. They have been waiting. They will reach me.
They are my eyes and ears.
Trust no one else.
I lowered the note slowly. My hands were no longer steady. The paper trembled between my fingers.
He had people inside the palace. People I passed every day. People who served my food, guarded my doors, cleaned my chambers, carried my messages. People who were his.
People who had been watching. Waiting.
I did not know whether to be afraid or grateful. I chose grateful. I had to choose grateful. Because I needed him. Because I could not do this alone. Because the council was closing in and Petrov was watching and the investigation was going nowhere and the dead girl was still dead and the prisons were still full and I was carrying his child and I was terrified.
I sat at my desk and I wrote.
I told him everything. More than I had allowed myself to think in one place. More than I had said out loud to anyone.
The council. Petrov. The way he watched me now, measuring, calculating, waiting for me to make a mistake. The way he had pushed for more arrests, more suppression, more control. The way he looked at me like I was a problem he had already solved.
The tightening net. The way the investigation kept leading to the Rendered, to anyone except the people who were actually feeding information to Petrov. The way evidence appeared fully formed, the way witnesses appeared with perfect stories, the way every piece of the puzzle fit together too neatly.
The risk. The danger. The way I had to move carefully, speak carefully, act carefully, because one wrong step and the council would turn on me. One wrong word and Petrov would have the excuse he needed.
The child. His child. The terrible, looming question of what would happen if the truth was discovered before I was ready. Before I had built enough power to protect us both. Before I had figured out how to be a queen and a mother and a woman all at once.
My fear was sharper when given language. Putting it on paper made it real in a way it had not been when it was just thoughts spinning in my head, just worries I could push aside, just fears I could pretend were not there.
But so was my resolve.
I wrote about plans. Not fully formed. Still taking shape. But steps I was already putting into motion. The water repairs. The grain accounting. The petition review. Small moves. Structural moves. The kind that did not look like a concession to the Voice but were. The kind that would help the people without making the council suspicious.
I wrote about how carefully I had to move. How little room there was for error. How one mistake could undo everything. How Petrov was waiting for me to stumble, and I could not afford to stumble, because if I fell, everyone fell. The movement. The people. The child.
I wrote: I am trying. I am trying to fix what is broken without breaking myself in the process. But I am tired. I am so tired. I do not know how much longer I can do this alone.
I signed nothing. Sealed nothing. Just folded the paper and held it in my hands.
The door opened.
Lena walked in, carrying fresh tea. She set the tray on the table, her eyes moving over the room, taking in the papers, the reports, the note I had not yet hidden. She saw everything. She always saw everything.
"busy" she said.
"Yes"
She looked at me for a moment. Something in her expression, concern, maybe. Or curiosity. Or something else entirely. I could not read her anymore. I was not sure I ever could.
"Lena," I said.
"Yes?"
I held up the folded paper. "I need your help. I need you to deliver something for me."
"The note contains what I would like to eat in the coming months." I held out the folded paper. "I’ve been having trouble keeping food down. The morning sickness has been worse than I expected. I thought if I gave the kitchen some guidance, they might be able to prepare things that won’t make me sick."
Lena looked at the paper. Then at me. Then at the paper again.
Her face was confused. That was the word for it. Confused. Her brow furrowed slightly. Her mouth opened, then closed. She looked like someone who had been expecting one thing and received another.
"The cook," she repeated.
"Yes."
"The cook in the palace kitchen."
"Yes."
She took the paper from my hand. Slowly. Carefully. Like she was trying to figure out if this was a test.
"Is something wrong?" I asked.
"No." She tucked the paper into her sleeve. "No, nothing is wrong. I just... I thought..."
"You thought what?"
She shook her head. "Nothing. I’ll take it to the cook."
She turned toward the door.
"Lena."
She stopped. Did not turn around.
"Thank you," I said. "For everything."
She stood there for a moment. Her back was to me. I could not see her face. I could not read her silence.
Then she nodded, once, and walked out. The door closed softly behind her.
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