novelraw Chapter 611: Not So
Chapter 611: Not So
The extreme pain made Fisher subconsciously want to escape—escape to a place where pain couldn't catch up, escape to an absolutely safe place.
His consciousness thus subconsciously fled towards an unknown direction until he left everything around him behind, turning everything he had experienced into an illusion, consigning it to a bewilderment with an unclear direction.
In such a flight, it was as if he had never obtained the Demi-Human Completion Handbook, and he had absolutely never left Saint-Nazareth.
Then, if that was the case... right before Godolin IX was about to pass away, he should also be unable to suppress the youth he disappointed years ago anymore. Vigorously, he wrote a letter to Elizabeth Gothrin. Just as written in that unsent letter previously, they met again, letting go of all past grudges regarding everything in the past.
Consequently, Dexter naturally ascended to become the Emperor. Dexter also honored the promise of Elizabeth handing over military power, allowing Fisher and Elizabeth to find an auspicious day to wed.
If it was like that, they perhaps should be living very happily right now.
Of course, there were still troubles. As long as it was life, troubles were definitely inevitable.
Fisher Benavides busied himself every day for his papers and various affairs within the Royal Academy. Because after Dexter's succession, this headquarters of the Gryphon Party was handed over to him, the First Imperial Prince Consort of the Empire, to handle.
Elizabeth Gothrin also had conflicts due to many political disagreements with her elder brother. She looked down on her elder brother's hesitation and stupidity on many issues. Meanwhile, her elder brother believed it was time for her to have a child with Fisher rather than interfering with his actions every day. Because of this, they should have quarreled loudly many times. This anger was often brought home by Elizabeth, requiring Fisher to personally comfort her to resolve it.
The years should have been spent like this. Ordinary years passed day by day just like this. Elizabeth still loved Fisher just like when she was eighteen, and Fisher's heart always only housed her alone. Yet for some unknown reason, Fisher always felt as if something was missing within his heart.Perhaps it was when he asked why Elizabeth's eyes were always so vacant but was smilingly fobbed off by her. Perhaps it was when he returned to the room on the second floor of Ms. Martha's house, he always felt there should be a lingering faint fragrance here, yet he ran through all the perfume shops in Saint-Nazareth but couldn't find the same scent. Or perhaps it was that newly established Saint-Nazareth University; he always felt a sense of familiarity there, but after going there he only bumped into Milika reporting to the school that her roommate had suddenly and inexplicably gone missing...
This kind of feeling made Fisher increasingly lack a sense of security. Subconsciously, he wanted to seek a safe place. Thus following his instinct, he ran back to the place he grew up as a child, that church school, wanting to pray to Teresa within it.
Here it was still the same as before, only that after losing Teresa, everything had become exceptionally desolate. It was originally a secluded place not noticed by many people anyway. Even when Fisher came here, there was only an elderly, hunched priest cleaning up.
That priest seemingly couldn't see him. And Fisher also didn't say anything, merely sitting beneath the Mother Goddess statue, quietly watching the priest turn on the radio while sweeping the floor inside the church.
On the radio, news from all over the world was playing.
Something about mysterious phenomena appearing in Pherone City on the Southern Continent, scaring the city lords within a hundred miles radius to hurriedly flee back to the West Continent, burdened with their families; something about the First Pioneer Blake mysteriously disappearing, his whereabouts unknown; something about a mysterious giant creature appearing in the coastal waters; something about the Turan family of the Sema Mountains in the Northern Border suddenly having their entire clan annihilated overnight...
But Fisher paid no attention to this. He perhaps felt it was familiar, but also felt it had nothing to do with him, just like the bizarre foreign anecdotes in tabloid newspapers, not even as curiosity-inducing as the explosive magic recently researched by Schwari.
He didn't want to think about anything right now. He just wanted to hide here like this, because only here made him feel safe, just like hiding in Teresa's embrace, carefree and without worries when he was little.
It wasn't until an unknown time that the old priest finally stopped the work in his hands. Shutting off the radio, he handed a Holy Maiden brand cigarette from his pocket to the head-lowered Fisher.
Fisher froze slightly. He raised his head and looked at the cigarette handed over by that old priest. After hesitating for a moment, he reached out to take it anyway, saying a word of "thank you."
"Ssss..."
The frictional sound of a match quietly rang out, lighting the cigarettes in both Fisher's and that old priest's mouths, burying their thoughts entirely within a cloud of smoke.
Along with that tobacco fragrance, Fisher's consciousness seemingly sobered up bit by bit. That pain spreading deep into his soul, that fear of helplessly watching his body turn into mud bit by bit... all made him harbor lingering trepidation even now.
Previously, he had experienced these agonies countless times. It was still somewhat manageable when battling Pherone on the Southern Continent. When confronting Blake, his life force had been drained like a candle in the wind. When fighting a decisive battle to the death with Erwind, he was chased by Death in a precarious situation where life hung by a thread...
During those various times, he had never flinched. But now, when that Chaos fully bloomed within his body, making him so agonized he wished he could die immediately, he truly felt afraid.
He was a living breathing person. Since he was a living breathing person, it was inevitable to have misgivings in his heart. He would also be scared, and he would hide his consciousness here because he didn't want to experience the agony from earlier again.
For a split second, he even thought that maybe it would be better if he hadn't obtained the Demi-Human Completion Handbook and was together with Elizabeth just like just now...
He smoked a cigarette after a long absence. Staring at the burning flame at the end of the cigarette, he couldn't help but ask,
"I'm thinking, if I had never left Saint-Nazareth, would it not be so painful?"
The priest coughed and didn't look at him, merely saying,
"Actually, you don't need to view them so heavily. Even if you've had physical relationships with them, abandoning them is not out of the question."
Fisher gave a bitter smile and said,
"Wouldn't that be too unconscionable?"
"When you initiated a new relationship with another female before the previous one was severed, did you not consider this word?"
Fisher took a drag of his cigarette. After thinking for a moment, he said with certainty,
"...This is all the fault of the Demi-Human Completion Handbook."
"You kid..."
The priest gave a "hehe" laugh but didn't say anything else. He only said,
"You know, actually I am very similar to you. Or rather, the feeling should be very similar. It's just that back then, I chose to abandon them, all of them... Because you should know, the moment a person can see the memories of their past lives, you instantaneously become 'that person' of every life. Therefore, when I found out that 'that person' in my every life had a destined fate, that agony also accumulated over thousands and tens of thousands of lives, almost crushing me and making me feel utter despair..."
Changing the subject, the priest turned his head slightly to look at Fisher, revealing that golden hairstyle completely sparse under the black robe resembling a receding hairline, as well as blue eyes.
"But looking at it conversely... if 'that person' in every life is you, then you are also not 'that person' in every life... So, in the end, I came to terms with it. My dead wife and daughter in this life, my dead younger sister and elder brother in my past life, my dead Tail-Compatible Partner in the life before last, my dead Symbiotic Heterogeneous Soul Body in the life before that... they have nothing to do with me. I will abandon them all, discard them..."
Many bizarre, proprietary terminologies seemingly derived from certain civilizations outside the world spilled from the mouth of this "priest" before him. After Fisher pondered for a moment, he couldn't help but ask with a smile anyway,
"So, what happened to you in the end, Caleb Uz?"
Caleb Uz chuckled 'hehe', taking a fierce drag of his cigarette. Spreading his hands, he said,
"Went crazy."
"Went crazy?"
"Yeah, turned into that puddle of black mud, wreaked havoc in the Dragon Court, and then completely passed away... But you should know, the me at that time already had no choices. Whether I abandoned them or not, I had already reached the end... Time cannot be reversed; the regrets of this life can already no longer be remedied, let alone the regrets of the past life, or even a hundred past lives."
Everything around began to turn transparent, as if outside this church here, there was nothing but that mud making Fisher incomparably tremble with fear. And this also reminded him that he still hadn't escaped the suffering here.
At this moment, the church pushing from all directions began to become precarious. The statue of the Mother Goddess collapsed at the sound. From the ground, a passage leading underground opened up, from which came an indescribable song, exactly like a lullaby a mother uses to coax a child to sleep...
Fisher's body trembled slightly. Having been tortured by that black mud, he subconsciously wanted to get up and flee towards the church's underground, fleeing towards somewhere even deeper.
But the next moment, going through the gradually transparent peripheral of the church, he watched helplessly as a figure enveloped in crimson also plummeted into this stretch of black mud, being entangled tighter and tighter by the black mud, about to swallow everything on her body.
"Rapha... ela..."
Fisher's movement of wanting to escape paused slightly. Aided by that terrifying black mud, as if piercing through his soul, he very quickly saw Raphaela's dazzling soul that shone brightly like the sun, and also saw a bizarre connection with the Spirit Realm.
In Fisher's line of sight, he saw the dazzling radiance at Raphaela's lower abdomen, indicating to Fisher that a life was forming there.
Fisher looked at Raphaela sinking deeper and deeper into the black mud in complete disbelief. At this moment, he finally realized exactly where that one child mentioned by Caleb Uz in the Completion Handbook came from earlier...
"How is it, very beautiful right? The appearance of the Spirit World's Sea of Souls locking onto the maternal body... Unfortunately, when my wife was carrying my daughter, I was still busy with work and didn't have the abilities of the Soul Completion Handbook... I couldn't see if there would be such fluctuations inside her body at that time..."
"..."
Fisher looked back towards Caleb Uz, looking at him as he so painfully and enviously watched the falling Raphaela within the black mud. Perhaps, his present life, all his past lives, his soul that had undergone such a long journey were all waiting to return to this moment, return to the moment right before losing everything...
Perhaps Caleb Uz was right; the time of his and all his past lives could no longer be salvaged.
Only unfortunately, Fisher didn't have past lives, and he wasn't Caleb Uz either...
He still had a chance to salvage. And right now, he absolutely had to return.
Inside the Dynasty, Helaire thus watched the black mud drag Raphaela, who faced death as returning home, into it. With a wave of her hand, countless black mud overtopped, enveloping the robustly burning flame on her body. Just that simultaneously, that black mud was also pervasively eroding her soul.
"Urg... Ah..."
But right at this moment, behind Helaire, from within that black mud... that Fisher who was tortured by agony until completely losing consciousness unexpectedly started to tremble again.
She froze slightly, lowering her head to look at Fisher who continuously wailed, entirely turned into a sticky body but attempting to control it to stand up. She hurriedly reached out to support him, wanting to block him and put his consciousness back into the depths again,
"Fisher, don't move anymore. It'll be over soon, you..."
Yet the next moment, Fisher gritted his teeth and pressed one hand onto Helaire's hand. Amidst her somewhat unbelievable gaze, he violently pushed her away from his side, tossing her into the stretch of mud he had turned into.
"Thump!"
"Urgahhhhh!"
Helaire widened her eyes, watching him utter a tragic wail just by making such a movement. He lowered his head. Having completely lost his human appearance, even if he wanted to open his mouth to wail, it was a sound issued by the entire black ocean together.
They simply narrated their own pain, continuously roaring hoarsely, attempting to use the habits from when they were human to dispel this pain that reached the extreme limit.
But this was, after all, a pain originating from the soul. No matter how Fisher wailed, it couldn't change it. Therefore, he could only simultaneously roar hoarsely while using his last bit of consciousness to walk towards Raphaela's side step by step.
"Ra... Rapha... huff... huff..."
He completely failed to realize his current state. Because regardless of whether looking from a human's perspective or a soul's perspective, he had already turned into a stretch of black mud. Due to the pain and this grotesque, bizarre appearance, it was easy to get confused about what was what. He only continually used the part that still resembled a 'human' to get closer towards the scorching hot place, wanting to fish Raphaela who plunged into the black mud up.
Helaire just sat there in the black mud that became increasingly turbulent due to his movements, gritting her teeth while helplessly watching him step by step walk towards the place where Fafnir's blessing burned.
"Fisher..."
Yet Fisher already had no time to mind anything else. Even just walking a step or two, his entire black mud body slipped and fell due to the pain, melting once again and merging into this stretch of black mud.
However, a few seconds later, like a drowning child, he violently leaped out a thing with an outline resembling a 'human' from the black mud with a wail, then struggled to walk towards that side.
He carefully controlled those black muds swallowing Raphaela to not swallow her soul anymore. Then very quickly he finally arrived at that place. He was unable to wait to extend his "hand" to fish her out, but he forgot that right now he was this ocean of black mud. Consequently, every time he extended his "hand" into it to fish her, his "hand" would dissolve within it, utterly unable to penetrate down, even pushing Raphaela a lot further within.
He wailed, wanting to try again. But behind him, that cold-faced Helaire had unknowingly appeared behind his back. She violently reached out a hand and grabbed that Fisher who had finally made it to Raphaela's side.
Perhaps she understood. The current Fisher couldn't even recognize herself and others. Yet he merely relied on sensing Raphaela's aura to so resolutely awaken his consciousness back and once again throw himself into this suffering?!
But the next moment, right when she tightly gripped Fisher, she also very quickly felt that all the surrounding black mud began to squirm, along with this portion grasped in her hand, violently gathering towards the center.
Yes, the Fisher tortured until his mind was unclear finally realized that originally this spreading black mud was part of himself. And right now he was attempting to withdraw all the black mud back into his body.
Helaire just wanted to raise her hand to stop it, but from within that black mud, apart from Fisher's agonizing wails, she heard a different sound.
"You cannot die... Raphaela..."
She suddenly remembered ten thousand years ago, when she purposely lay in that stretch of black mud to help him dispel Death, perhaps she also hadn't anticipated he would so resolutely leap down to save herself. And back then, when making contact with him via the same Sea of Chaos, passing through his hoarse and exhausted shouts... what Helaire heard from his pure soul devoid of past lives back then was similarly this one sentence:
"You cannot die, Helaire."
Within Helaire's dispersed pupils, terrifying Stars abruptly ruptured, seemingly wanting to swallow this world.
But on the surface, after a long time, the hand she raised was abruptly lowered. She just quietly stood in this black ocean, helplessly watching it gather painstakingly towards Fisher bit by bit.