The Duke's Bed Warmer

Chapter 99: Own Choice

Alina went through her day feeling off. On the surface, nothing seemed wrong but something was happening underneath, and anyone paying close attention could see it.

At the sewing circle she pulled out the same stitch for the third time on the same collar. The thread tangled. She unpicked it, tried again but it got tangled again.

"Has that collar offended you personally?" Marguerite said without looking up.

"The thread is the issue."

"The thread is fine. I used the same spool this morning. Your mind is somewhere else."

Evelyn brought her tea. Alina took the cup and forgot to drink it. By the time she remembered it, it had gone cold. Evelyn quietly replaced it without a word.

Lady Brennan asked her about the next delivery date, and transport logistics. Alina stared at her for a few seconds before she could understand the simple question.

"Sorry. What?"

"Thursday or Friday?"

"Thursday. No...Friday. Thursday is Maren." She stopped, flustered. "Friday...Yes... Friday."

Brennan and Marguerite exchanged a quick look. They had seen Alina distracted before but this was different. She didn’t look distracted because of fear or nervousness. It looked something chaotic.

Alina finally finished the collar and did a terrible job. She didn’t redo it.

I’ll fix it tomorrow. Right now I need to talk to someone.

She went to the east wing without Austin. Cecily was at the little table, pouring herself tea.

"I didn’t expect you today," Cecily smiled, already pouring a second cup without asking.

Alina sat on the sofa and took the cup but didn’t drink it.

"Did something happen?" Cecily asked, studying her facial expressions.

"I almost kissed your brother in the library."

Cecily’s cup slipped from her hand. Tea splashed across the table, few papers, and a stack of pencils. She caught it before it could hit the floor, but the tea was already everywhere, even her sleeves were wet.

But she didn’t care about the mess. She stared at Alina in disbelief.

"You what?"

"We were arguing about Pellerin’s sonnets and then to prove our point, we both reached for the same book. His hand touched mine. I turned, and he was just a few inches away. His eyes dropped to my lips and he leaned in. I rose on my toes. And..."

"And?"

"A servant opened the door looking for a book for Lord Ashby."

"A servant interrupted you both?" Cecily was disappointed. "I am going to have Lord Ashby assassinated."

Alina laughed, the tension finally breaking.

"It’s not his fault," she said, still laughing. "He didn’t know."

"What kind of person needs a book at midnight? What was he researching? That is suspicious behaviour."

"He is a scholar. Scholars read at midnight."

"Then scholars should be banned from the library after eleven. I’m adding it to my list of reforms when I leave this room for the protection of my brother’s romantic life."

Alina was laughing so hard that her own tea was in danger of joining Cecily’s on the table. She set the cup down and held her stomach.

Cecily leaned back dramatically.

"My brother was only an inch away from kissing a woman, and a servant saved him from dealing with it. He must be relieved."

"He also knocked books off the shelf," Alina added.

"Seriously?"

Alina nodded.

"He stepped back so fast that his shoulder hit the shelf and books fell down."

Cecily burst into laughter again.

"This is the most exciting thing that has happened to me in five years," she said, wiping her eyes. "I haven’t laughed like this in years."

"Me too," Alina replied.

When Alina left the east wing, she felt lighter. The confession to Cecily had lifted something heavy off her chest and replaced it with laughter and the warmth of sisterhood. But the feeling only lasted until she reached the main corridor.

Dorian was walking towards his room. He smiled when he saw her.

"Miss Ashworth. How are you doing?"

"Good."

"I wanted to talk to you. Maybe we should..."

"Actually...I have work at sewing circle right now," Alina cut in.

"I see. Then tomorrow in the main garden. The view at sunset is beautiful," he said.

Main garden was not a public place.

"The east garden would be better," Alina said, remembering Maren’s rules. "My sewing circle is nearby. It’d be easy for me."

"The east garden, then."

He bowed slightly and continued walking.

That night when they lay on the bed, holding hands, something felt different. She turned towards him but he was staring at the canopy above. Unable to control it any longer, she finally decided to talk about it.

"The library..." she began.

His grip became a little tighter.

"Don’t talk about it," he said.

"If we don’t talk about it, it’s going to stay like a third person between us," Alina said.

He didn’t argue then.

"If...if the servant hadn’t walked in," she said gently. "what would you have done?"

He didn’t answer. But she kept staring at him, waiting for the answer.

"Something I can’t take back," he said, still looking at the canopy

"Would you want to take it back?"

He turned his head and faced her. They were very just two inches apart. They were closer than ever but still not close enough.

"No," he said looking into her eyes. "I would not want to take it back. But..." he trailed off.

"But?"

"I’m scared what it would mean for you."

"For me?" she whispered.

"You deserve a choice that isn’t influenced by my position, or this place, or...me," he said. "And I don’t trust myself to stop once I cross that line."

She held his gaze, a certainty building behind her eyes.

"What if I’m the one making this choice?"

The words made him go still.

"You think I don’t know what I’m doing?" she continued. "If I wanted to I’d have stepped back but I didn’t."

His hand tightened around hers again, more firmly this time.

"That’s exactly why I have to be careful."

Alina shook her head.

"Or maybe...that’s exactly why you don’t."