The Carrero Effect Trilogy

Chapter 17

It's been days since the restaurant, and here I am, sitting in the huge, empty garden of Sylvana's home, agonizing over what to do. I stare at the cell in my hands for the hundredth time and sigh. My mother's name is on the screen staring at me, and I've contemplated pressing the dial a million times. I should tell her about the baby and our engagement. She's my mother, yet something inside me is holding me back.

Jake comes strolling out to me, carrying a blanket and a hot drink, coming level to my face with a look of adoration in his eyes. He carefully drapes the blanket around my shoulders and slides the mug in front of me, kissing me on the temple.

"Still undecided?" he asks gently, slipping onto the bench beside me and sitting between his legs so he can face me and pull me close between them, nuzzling me against him, cradling my head with his palm. His fingers thread themselves into my hair in the way he always does. I close my eyes at the feel of him, surrounded by his unique smell, driving away anything but a feeling of serenity.

"How we left things. What I feel about her now. It's all so confusing." I sigh against his chest, completely confused.

"I can't make this choice for you, baby." Jake pulls my head up while he angles down to look at me, my head nestling into the crook of his neck. Automatically, his hand smooths over my abdomen, and I get that inner swell of warm emotion. I've been thinking about little tadpole more as of late, more frequently and affectionately, no longer hit with the tremors of despair I had in the beginning.

We had an appointment with the OBGYN yesterday, making everything real. Jake was his usual domineering self and tried to intimidate the poor doctor when he realized my specialist was a male. His posture grew by about a foot, and Boss Carrero appeared in full fury in all his glory. The unamused look on Jake's face at finding out Dr. Sandy Jones wasn't the female he'd expected was hilarious, for me, anyway.

Jake went into feral jealous mode and glowered whenever the poor man put his hands on me. Temper bristling as he held my hand in a deathly grip and watched with gritted teeth as the doctor listened to my heart and took my blood pressure. Jake still has this no-touching rule when it comes to men, and as much as I wanted to be mad and tell him it was ridiculous, I found myself giggling instead, which only made his brow furrow more prominently and therefore gave me more amusement in the process. He was trying hard to be good, sit still, and say nothing, but his face said it all.

When the doctor suggested an internal test, called a sonogram, I thought Jake would rip his head off his shoulders.

"No. No fucking way is anyone sticking anything anywhere near Emma until that baby comes out!" Jake was in full aggressive mode, and the poor guy could only raise his hands in defense, trying to soothe Jake's very angry feathers. No sonogram and no more touching of any kind. I was rapidly pulled into his lap and encircled protectively like a wolf guarding its kill with an expression that clearly said, if you touch her again, I'll kill you with my bare hands.

Poor Jake. I couldn't answer any questions without tears filling my eyes whenever I saw Jake's violent glare. I didn't help make anything better, falling into a giggling fit, finding the whole situation hilarious, the poor doctor. Ultimately, my demeanor softened Jake enough for the doctor to get within five feet of me and finish our appointment.

I know I'll probably never see that poor man again. Jake was on the phone as soon as he ushered me out of the office in his tight embrace. He barked orders at whatever poor soul was on the other end of the phone, bidding them to find a list of the top female obstetricians in New York.

* * *

It reminds me of the Jake I miss like crazy. The one I have yet to seduce. If only I could get my head to calm down over these confusing emotions about my mother so I can concentrate on seducing Jake back to his former glorious . The lack of sex is starting to show on both of us. He 't himself without it, and I'm not myself without him being that way. His over-sexed and kinky nature is a huge part of the man I fell in love with, and it's starting to take its toll on my emotions.

He's mean and short with everyone except me, acting like a bear with a sore head most of the time. He jogs like a maniac daily, hitting the gym, and has a new trainer putting him through boxing training three times a week, trying to kill the excess frustration not being able to have sex has given him. He's burying his head in work, and when he's frustrated, the poor employees on the phone are often yelled at.

He has tried to pleasure me in other ways. Jake's got many tricks and methods in his armory that don't require full-on sex, but I stopped him. Until he fully gives me himself, I don't want any substitutes. It's not the same. This means I am also severely grouchy and sexually frustrated while living with a man who is the walking, breathing epitome of sexiness, and it's killing me.

I bring my head back to my cell, and my mother, in hopes of finding some solution to at least one of my problems today.

"If I don't tell her, this will just keep bugging me every day until I do." I sigh heavily, curling up into him, wishing life could be as simple as it feels anytime I snuggle up in his embrace. Jake is my home in every way. Nothing can touch me here and infiltrate those arms and that aggressive demeanor when he's in protector mode. I want to stay inside my Jake bubble.

"How do you think she'll react? Are you afraid she won't take the news well?" Jake is trying to figure out what's holding me back. It's hard for him to understand a mother who wouldn't want to know that her only child is engaged and pregnant, but then, his mother is Sylvana, and he has no way to compare. His mother is the walking definition of motherhood, no wonder she produced such amazing sons.

"I honestly don't think there will be a reaction. Maybe she won't acknowledge it at all." I shrug, and his arm moves further around me, planting a kiss on the top of my head to soothe me. How can anyone not feel loved when they have someone like Jake? He's the walking and breathing perfection of my life. He knows what I need as effortlessly as breathing and never fails to deliver.

"It's her grandchild. Surely that will push some kind of emotion?" Jake sounds unsure, but I'm not. My mother only cares about things that pertain to her and her life. Getting married and having a child cemented the fact that I'm coming home to take care of her again; this is not something she'd want to hear. These revelations won't enhance her life, so I don't have any hope of stirring up some long-forgotten maternal warmth from her. Once and for all, I need to realize I'm chasing the love of a woman incapable of giving it. For whatever reason, my mother has never been able to provide me with what I deserved, and I'm certainly not going to get it now. Maybe some women miss that essential gene, and I hope I'm not going to be one of them. The fierceness of that thought has me cradling my stomach protectively.

Maybe there's some deeper cause that created Jocelyn Anderson, but I know for certain that I am not going to be the mother she is. My mother's never spoken of her own childhood, her parents died before I was born, and I never knew them. Her past is a closed book, and I only know the life she put me through.

I stare down at my stomach, a swelling sensation in my chest and an ache in my throat as I trail my fingertips across the flat expanse. I will be a mother who gives a shit, a mother who cuddles her child, kisses them, and tells them that she loves them. A mother who picks up her child and walks out of Jake's life if he ever dares to hurt either of us, no matter how much I love him. Because that's what a mother is supposed to do; put her child above anyone and everything and fight like hell to protect it. That's the mother Sylvana is, and the type Leila's adoptive mother is too.

A surge inside me swells at an alarming rate, a fit of anger bubbling forth at the thought of what has been denied me my whole life; a given right to any child. I sit up suddenly and lift my chin defiantly, immediately so sure about what I need to do.

"I want to look her in the eye when I tell her, Jake. I want to see how she reacts because when I tell her, I'll also say goodbye once and for all. No child of mine will ever know the pain of rejection that woman can inflict, and I won't give her a chance to try with our baby. I want her to know but not give her a chance to change because she never will, but to give myself some closure and know that she found out from me." My revelation comes from nowhere, the dots connecting in my mind, and now the words are there between us. It's as clear as day to me.

There's no doubt in my decision, and as Jake's eyes scrutinize me, I know one thing for sure. If I let that woman linger in my life the way I always did, this to-and-fro thing I used to allow, I will be inflicting her on my baby. I will be hurting my child by letting that kind of poison linger in their life, and I'm not about to do that. I am the protector now, the nurturer and the mother, and I'll be damned if that woman, with her toxic love, is going to poison my baby's life.

"Jake, I need to do this on my own. You can come to Chicago with me, but I must face her alone for one last time." It's just something I need to do; this has always been between her and me. I'm going back to see her in the way that I left her so long ago, with my mind made up about the direction of my life without her in it.

* * *

Jake holds the keys out in front of me, swinging his hand just out of reach like a torturous plaything, and I lean up to swipe them. He lifts them higher and hits my mouth with a kiss when I try for a second time. He has a happy, playful smirk, and his sexy stubbly jaw looks delicious this morning to match his very good mood.

"Stop tormenting me and open the damn door." I giggle and step back, folding my arms across my chest in a no-nonsense Carrero pose. I try to appear authoritative, but he frowns and annoyingly tweaks my nose.

"Ask me nicely." He grins and lifts them higher above his head with a wicked look in his eye. He's been like this since he got up, and I'm enjoying the return of playful Jake. It's been almost non-existent lately, and I can only sigh at him.

"Please, Jake … loving, gorgeous, beautiful man of mine. Can I have the keys to our new home? Thank you very much!" I pout at him with a sickly-sweet voice, oozing sarcasm. My hands on his magnificent chest, imploringly, in a very sexy black sweater.

"Nope." He turns in front of me, walking toward the front door we've been standing a few feet from, and I scowl viciously, jokingly at his back.

Asshole.

He wants me to beg. He seems to get a kick out of it lately, torturing me over these last few days with sexual gratitude. Not that I mind. Jake in fun and playful mode is almost as good as Jake in sex mode.

OK, not even a close almost.

I walk up behind him, sliding my hands into the butt pockets of his jeans as he unlocks the door. My hands are flat against his pert ass, enjoying the way I can grope every movement of his body. It makes me ache for him more, and my temperature climbs as my eyes devour that muscular set of shoulders straining under his black smooth, knitted sweater.

He opens the door and pulls me in with him, pressing numbers into a keypad on the wall beside the door, shutting off the infernal beeping that started the second the door opened. I gaze around the grand entrance at the white marble floor and sweeping staircase, almost a mirror image of the Carrero house next door, with a surge of complete excitement.

This is ours. Jake and I have a home together, a new start. We really are home.

He reaches behind and pulls my hands out of his pockets, turning to face me and bending down to scoop me up in his arms. I squeal with the sudden motion, and I'm met with a full-on passionate kiss. Tongues, teeth, and smiles.

"Get a room." Leila's voice cuts into our intense meeting of mouths, and I lift my head as she lazily saunters in. Jake told her we were getting the keys today, and she assured him she would come over as soon as possible to get the first dibs on a guest room. Her timing is impeccable.

"I thought that's what we were here to do?" Daniel walks in behind her, and I can't help but throw her a smile with raised eyebrows. He places a hand on her shoulder, and she pulls away, throwing him a defiant look, met with a sigh from Hunter.

Still torturing the boy then. Oh, Leila, give him a break, even a little one. He's really trying.

Since our engagement party, Jake told me that Leila has been making life as difficult for Hunter as possible. At least he's clinging on, so far, anyway. He needs to break through her wall of hostility and prove himself worthy to her. She has so much to guard, considering their history.

"Go ahead. I'm taking Emma on a tour to refresh our memories." Jake smiles at Daniel encouragingly, and we watch as he wanders off after his little hellcat, trying to get a hold of her, being met with little slaps on the hand each time and quiet, I don't think so's. It's obvious that Leila has no intention of letting Daniel in just yet, and it amazes me that he's following her around so tolerantly.

"What's going on with them?" I ask.

"A lot of angry sex and Leila trying like hell to push him away … That girl is hell-bent on making him hurt her because it's what she's expecting." He shrugs and carries me toward the large downstairs formal lounge, sliding me to my feet when we walk into the huge blank room. All the furniture is gone, despite the owners leaving some included in the sale. Jake wanted us to start from scratch and choose everything together.

"And Daniel?" I look back through the door, but they've disappeared.

"Has been well and truly forewarned that he only gets one shot at this. Honestly, I think he kinda likes her behavior. He's always been a warped kind of guy." Jake grins, and I can't tell if he's joking or serious. I try not to wonder too much. I know one thing for sure … Hunter needs to play this right because Leila is done with being hurt by him; there will be no second chance this time. She wants him to prove he has what it takes to be with her, and she will put him through a lot worse before he gets past that wall. I just hope he has what it takes to persevere.

I turn my attention back to the room as Jake wanders to pull the drapes wide open, letting the sunshine in and dazzle me momentarily.

Somehow, without furniture, the place seems monumentally bigger. The huge floor-to-ceiling windows frame the view, taking my breath away instantly. I turn slowly and scan around; this room has one large open fireplace and a distinct marble mantle on a far wall. It's hard not to imagine this room filled with comfy furniture, expensive Christmas trees, and trimmings by a roaring log fire.

"Dime for your thoughts?" Jake cuts into my daydream of children opening presents on a warm furry rug on a snowy day, and I break into a smile.

"Just imagining this room with furniture." I blush, a happy surge at where my mind was.

"I was imagining this room with a huge roaring fire and serious plush rug down there." Jake smiles and nods at the floor where I'd imagined the same thing. I wonder if we had the same thoughts on the rug. "Great place to fuck." He winks cheekily.

Yeah, I guess not.

"I don't know what that is." I smile sassily, and he sighs, bopping me on the nose with a fingertip. We've been making jokes about the lack of sex lately. I guess to try to get our heads around the emotional barrier that Jake still has, one I can no longer understand. We've come so far, yet he still doesn't attempt to touch me that way. I've never pushed because I don't want to be rejected again.

"Well, play your cards right, shorty, and I might be talked into trying again. I can't keep beating the shit out of boxing bags for the next few months. I can't handle looking at you and not doing anything about it." His pained gaze tells me he's been thinking about this a whole lot more recently than he lets on.

My ears prick up, and I pass him my wanton look below lowered lashes with more than a little hope simmering.

"Keep looking at me like that, and it'll convince me to try right now." He groans and walks off toward the doorway as though reeling himself back in. Jake is walking off again as he does anytime it looks remotely like something will happen with us, and again that huge surge of disappointment hits me painfully.

"I'm not stopping you from trying right now." I retort huskily, throwing him my best seductive look, mustering all the sexual prowess I can, willing him to come back to me. He pauses in the doorway, appraising me for a moment. I can tell he's arguing with himself over whether he should or shouldn't. A bang above our heads breaks the moment, and we both look toward the ceiling in surprise.

There's another thud, not as loud this time, followed by some smaller noises and then the unmistakable noise of Leila moaning.

Oh, my fucking God. Really.

"For the love of God, the wrong fucking people are christening this damned house." Jake snarls, bristling at another man marking his territory, and without warning, he storms toward me, lifts me around his waist, pulls my legs around him, and backs me against the wall a little too aggressively for how he's been lately.

His mouth hits mine with force, and he braces all my weight on his hips. His hands come to undo my wool cardigan and push it back over my shoulders rapidly. He's obviously got his mind hell-bent on his purpose, fueled by the couple upstairs taking away what is his right in our new house. Or Hunter, as this is probably more of a male pissing on another's territory kind of thing, and it's doing the trick. I mentally tell myself to thank Leila later.

Right now, though, I'm too zoned in on what his mouth is doing to mine, sudden exhilarating heat coursing through me with the fact that Jake is attempting sex again finally after so freaking long. He stopped trying to initiate it after the first few times, and judging by the intense way his hands are roaming over me, he's managed to build himself into a lust-filled fury without help from me.

Okay, maybe a tiny little bit of persuasion … and a lot of help from upstairs.

His tongue slides into my mouth as I grasp my arms around his neck, our bodies pressed close, and I can't help but grind against him mercilessly. Jake feels better than good, so much so that I almost forgot what this feels like. It's like realizing a fantasy all over again. I slide one hand down to the hem of his T-shirt and yank it up. Rewarded with his helping hand as his top is soon lying on the floor behind us, exposing all that chiseled muscle and tattooed sexiness that has me panting. He pulls my dress up, slowly moving his hands up my thighs, his mouth trailing to my neck as I buck and arch at the way he feels. There is no sign of wavering libido or his confusing and conflicting thoughts.

I missed every second of this, wanted every single one of his erotic touches so badly that I've dreamed of him around me and inside of me and woke many a time after experiencing the craziest sleep orgasms known to womanhood that I didn't even know existed. The surge of pregnancy hormones has only made all those feelings more intense.

He cups me from underneath, his thumb pulling my lace panties to one side, and I gasp in pleasure at the connection. I slide my hand to his waistband and yank open the buttons of his jeans with little effort … given that he's pushed against me so hard. I slide and wiggle my fingers into his jeans, finding the source of what they ache for, and I'm practically singing in happiness. I'm so ready for this kind of reunion. Long awaited.

This is really happening, God.