novelraw Chapter 236 - 230: Zavier - The Funhouse
Chapter 236 - 230: Zavier - The Funhouse
He had been expecting the wide open fields, so appearing in a grassy front lawn was a shock - although not as big a shock as the sight in front of him. It was night out, pitch black with no stars or moon to light it. The only light, in fact, was from the massive house in front of him.
Actually, 'house' was being generous and reductive at the same time. It was a massive structure, the size of any famed fantasy castle - although that was where the similarities broke down. It may have been 10 or 50 stories tall, it was impossible to tell from the way its angles seemed to warp reality. It was a house, if something so big could be called that, and it seemed to both stretch into the distance and also take up very little space. It was made of impossible geometry, some floors way too wide for the smaller floors beneath it to support, all of it a tangled mess that seemed to be haphazardly stacked on top of itself. Every floor was lit with garish lights, neon strips, spotlights, and wild strobing. In the multitude of lit windows figures could be seen moving, grotesque and misshapen. Even from here the sounds of raucous laughter, strange mechanical noises, fighting, screaming, and even music could be heard.
All of that paled in comparison to the front entrance. A massive clown face, lit up like a carnival ride, took up two entire floors of the facade, its grinning mouth a pair of two-story double doors carved to look like bedraggled teeth.
He walked to the door, not missing the clown eyes following him as he did. A gust of warm, fetid air blew his hair back as he reached the mouth. He looked up at the eyes that were staring impossibly downward.
"You better not eat me, you Alice in Wonderland reject." He pushed on the door, tripping as one of the teeth gave way. He heard deep, booming laughter throughout the house as he fell flat on his face, the sound causing more laughter from other rooms and floors..
The lobby was decked out like a madman's foyer, black and white patterned marble tiles stretched towards a massive staircase that dominated the lobby. There were doors to either side of him, and more in the distance behind the staircase. At the top of the staircase a massive painting hung, showing Zavier being beaten to death by a manic clown matching the one on the front of the house. He climbed to his feet and noticed a small, round table next to the door where one might put their keys and wallet. On top was a shining set of gold brass knuckles.
"Awe yiss," Zavier said as he fitted them onto each hand. "Let's fuck some shit up." As soon as he placed them on his hands two numbers appeared in his vision in a twisted font - 50 on the upper left corner of his vision, 50 on the upper right. As he was wondering at that he heard the tapping of expensive shoes on the marble tiles. He jumped into a boxing stance, then straightened again as he saw who it was.
An impeccably dressed man in a crisp tuxedo and carrying a silver tray with a glass of champagne was approaching. He emerged from the shadows beyond the staircase, trailed by two more similarly dressed men and four women dressed in tight fitting and low cut French maid costumes. Zavier cast Identify but only got garbled nonsense in his display. The man was a little too tall, a little too thin, his smile a little too wide. Although Zavier couldn't explicitly point to it, his proportions seemed off somehow.
Zavier tried to appear nonchalant as the man stopped just outside of striking distance, but held no illusion that he was pulling the relaxed stance off.
"Uhm, hello?"
The man bowed impossibly low, then straightened, the liquid in the glass not even rippling from the smooth movement. "Good evening, sir. I am the head servant of this domain and this is my staff. We are here to welcome you and assist the beginning of your stay."
He stopped talking, standing statue-still while waiting for Zavier to respond. Zavier scanned the rest of them, Identify returning garbled information on the rest as well. They all looked… well, placid - ready and waiting. The longer he observed them, the more he found their calm confidence disturbing - like the icy veneer over a beautiful frozen lake. It invited you to walk across it, hungry for you to crash through the ice into depths that promised death. Their smiles were a little too wide, their eyes too anticipatory. If they were trying to get him to let down his guard it was having the opposite effect. Every nerve in his body was tingling.
"Ooookaaay… so, what do I do now?"
The smooth, mellifluous voice made Zavier grit his teeth. "It is customary to welcome visitors with a drink and answer any questions you may have before we begin."
Zavier didn't miss the 'we.' "Begin what?"
The man stepped closer and Zavier took half a step backwards before catching himself. The man plucked the long-stemmed glass with delicate fingers and extended it towards Zavier. "Please, sir, let us welcome you."
"Yeah, I'm not drinking that."
"I assure you, it is not harmful in the least. It is the finest vintage of champagne that this humble estate can offer an esteemed guest such as yourself."
"If it's so harmless then you drink it."
The man's eyes twinkled in merriment and his lips quirked upwards. He took a delicate sip before extending it back towards Zavier. "As I said, sir, it is simply a drink. Please feel free to identify it if you doubt what I am saying, but I assure you - we will not deceive you. We are only here to start your journey."
Zavier cast Identify and saw that the man was speaking the truth - it was just champagne. He took the glass from the man, the stem chilled in his fingers. He moved it to his lips but stopped. "Before I do, you said that you'd answer any questions I have, correct?"
"That is correct sir - to the limit of my ability and knowledge."
"What happens when I drink this?"
The man was a bottomless well of patience. "You enjoy the drink and, once you have finished, you are welcome to this home and all it has to offer."
"So nothing starts until I finish it?"
The man nodded silently. Zavier took a sip, relishing the flavor and the way the delicate bubbles danced across his palate. "Oh fuck me, that is good. I don't know if you know this, Jeeves, but it's been a damned long time since I ate or drank anything."
"I assumed so, sir," the man said with a knowing smile.
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"I don't suppose you have a cigar on you?"
"I do not, although some can be found here, if you look. Virtually anything you seek can be found here."
"Damn. Oh well, couldn't hurt to ask."
The man chuckled, low and controlled. "No, sir, it couldn't. Is there anything else you'd like to ask?"
Zavier took another sip, considering. "What is this place?"
The man didn't shrug but his tone implied that he might have if not for his perfect control. "It is The Estate, although some call it The Funhouse. A domain meant to assist you in your growth."
"So you know what this place is? Why I'm here?"
"We do indeed, sir."
"So you know what that means then? I'm going to be doing a lot of killing."
The man's grin widened and Zavier shivered as it was mirrored by the attendants standing behind him. "Indeed, sir, and we are all very much looking forward to it."
"Do you have any tips for me, Jeeves?"
This got a pause from the man. "That question is insightful - not many ask us humble servants for advice. You show us great respect." He bowed deeply again.
"You didn't answer the question."
"Insightful, as I said. You have shown us respect, and thus I will return the gesture. You have been given goals, no doubt, and we would not impose by asking what those are. Know that everything in this domain was created to assist with the advancement of those goals. Beware - nothing is safe here. Assume nothing. The rules from your world do not apply here, and there are surprises around every corner." He cocked his head to the side, his eyes going unfocused for a moment. His attention returned and he fixed Zavier with a pleasant smile. "It appears you are special indeed, as I have been given authority to impart a bit more information. When I say to assume nothing, I truly mean it. You will be facing the residents of this estate, true, but you will also be facing the Estate itself. You are standing within a living, sentient creature. You forget this at your peril."
"Yeah, the face on the front was kinda a big clue on that one. Anything else?"
"You will learn the rest as you explore. It would not serve you to give up all its secrets before you've truly entered."
"So then, what happens if I don't finish this?" He waved the glass at the man.
"You would be trapped here - all doors and entrances would be closed to you. You would be unable to return to the outside and would remain here until you accepted the drink. It is a welcome courtesy, to be sure, but it is also an agreement that you are ready to begin. Please make any preparations you need before finishing it."
"That's ominous. How long do I have?"
"As long as you need."
"And if I smash the glass on the floor?"
The man waved his hand and another glass appeared on the tray. "It would simply be a waste of a fine vintage, sir."
"Welp, nothing for it but to do the damned thing I guess."
The man's smile was wolfish. "Indeed, sir."
Zavier took a deep breath then downed the rest of the glass in a single gulp. He wiped his lips with his forearm and adopted his boxer's stance again. The man simply stared at him.
Zavier looked around, confused. "Hey Jeeves?"
"Yes, sir?"
"Is something supposed to happen now?"
The man chuckled and held out his hand. "I'll take that, sir."
"Oh," Zavier replied sheepishly. "Right." He handed the glass back. "Okay, what now?"
The man looked at the glass pleasantly, then smashed the bulb on the side of the tray. He gripped the base in his fist, the long, jagged stem sticking out between his knuckles. "Now, sir, we begin," and chaos broke out.
"Jesus! Hold on a second, just hold on." Zavier was laying on his back on the staircase. Everyone in the room paused as he said that. He pulled himself back to his feet with a groan. "I don't suppose you all would stop jumping around so damned much? Or maybe slow down a bit?"
Light laughter broke out from the attendants. Jeeves was standing calmly in the middle of the foyer, hands clasped behind his back. The two other butlers - correction, Psychotic Servants, paused mid-sprint towards him. The maids, also labeled as Psychotic Servants, were currently clinging to the walls above and around him, their faces well into Uncanny Valley territory as the grins split their cheeks far too wide for any human. As soon as the battle had begun he'd been able to Identify them, trying desperately to get any information that might give him an advantage.
Psychotic Servants
Description: Once human, now twisted by The Estate's magic, these servants possess unnerving smiles and twisted grace. They are impeccably dressed and always poised, never seeming to need rest. Though their actions appear courteous, their true purpose is to test any who would attempt to enter the Estate.
Magical Skills/Abilities:
Twisted Grace
:
Their movements are unnaturally fast and they can dodge incoming attacks with ease. They gain +10 to evasion against physical attacks.
Compelling Hostility:
The servants can manipulate the emotions of intruders, using their charm to sow discord and confusion. They can induce paranoia or calm, making it difficult for enemies to work together.
Sadistic Delight:
The longer they battle the stronger they become. Each successful strike causes them to gain a stacking buff, increasing their damage by 1% for each consecutive hit.
Insane Acrobatics:
Their insane flexibility and agility allow them to dodge and move with ethereal grace, finding purchase on any surface.
Zavier was grateful that his high Intelligence stat made him immune to Compelling Hostility, but that didn't help him with their sheer physical prowess. It's like fighting a bunch of Spidermen in Halloween costumes, he thought to himself.
He waved a hand as he stood up. "Okay, you're kicking my ass - not too proud to admit that. Aren't you supposed to be helping me into the house? You're kinda stopping me."
"Sir," Jeeves admonished, "if you cannot even defeat us lowly servants then I assure you, you will not survive the Estate. We are helping you by ensuring you are adequate to the challenge."
"You could at least let me get a hit off or something. You know, as a guest courtesy?"
Jeeves laughed and walked calmly to Zavier. "If it would please the Sir to do so, please do."
"Really? You'd just let me hit you?"
"I am here to serve, sir." His hands remained clasped behind his back.
Zavier shrugged. "Okay then." He launched a haymaker that sent the butler flying backwards to smash against the door. For the first time the numbers in Zavier's vision changed as the one on the right side ticked down to 49. "Well alright then! Who's next?"
Zavier appeared in the pedestal room a minute later. He groaned and rubbed his head. "She didn't have to bite my face off like that, that seemed a little personal."
"That was fast."
"Shut up, Shatter. It was an unfair matchup. There's no way I could even touch them - they were just too fast."
"No, you were too slow. What did you learn?"
"That The System hopped a bunch of psychos up on meth."
"I don't know what that means. Take a moment to consider and tell me what you learned."
Zavier sighed and replayed the battle. "They were just too fast - too flexible. Every time I tried to swing at them I missed. It didn't matter where I swung, they just weren't there. It didn't matter if I tried to dodge, they always found me. Maybe if I had different weapons…" He looked down and realized that the brass knuckles were gone.
"It is a poor warrior who blames his sword for his failings. You have not learned. Start again." The light formed around the door and Zavier stepped through it, reluctantly.