novelraw Chapter 179 Decision
Chapter 179 Decision
Lu Xiran started making arrangements for her life in Switzerland this week.
She didn't know why, but last time she didn't want to leave, but this time she decided not to come back.
She opened a shopping website and added a lot of things to her cart—a new bookshelf, a warm-toned table lamp, and a set of tableware she had been eyeing for a long time. She wondered whether to renovate her current house or simply buy a new one.
She hadn't been in the mood to take care of it before, but now that she had made the decision, she had to live life to the fullest. That's what she told herself.
The phone rang. It was Jin Qiqi.
"Ranran! Where are you?" Jin Qiqi's voice was urgent. "I left Yinuo with Yanxu, come out and have coffee with me!"
Lu Xiran wanted to refuse, but Jin Qiqi didn't give her the chance. "I'll be there in five minutes."
Twenty minutes later, Jin Qiqi was already sitting on the sofa in Jin Qiqi's villa with Lu Xiran. She was holding a cup of coffee that Lu Xiran had made for her, with her legs crossed and her eyes sparkling as she looked at her.
"So, what are your plans for this week? Since you're staying in the country, you can't forget your friends for the sake of romance. Afternoon tea with your girlfriends and shopping days with your girlfriends are a must, and I'll be going to your house for dinner three times a week. Let President Gu get used to it. Yinuo has to see her godmother twice a week—"
"Qiqi," Lu Xiran interrupted her, her voice very soft. She sat at the other end of the sofa, holding a glass in her hand, her fingertips unconsciously rubbing the inside of the glass. "I'm going back to Switzerland next week."
Jin Qiqi's smile froze on her face. She put down her cup and looked at Lu Xiran scrutinizingly.
"How many times have you said that already?" She counted on her fingers. "The first time you said you'd go back after the wedding, the second time you said you'd go back after the project was finished, and the third time you said you'd go back the day before, but the next day you told me you weren't coming back. Are you kidding me? My feelings are like a rollercoaster."
"This time it's for real." Lu Xiran lowered her head. "Qiqi, there are some things I've always been unwilling to admit. But, the truth is the truth, and there's nothing I can change it."
Jin Qiqi's smile vanished completely. She sat up straight and leaned closer. "What are you saying?"
Lu Xiran remained silent for a long time. The sunlight from the window fell on her profile, casting a small shadow on her eyelashes. Her lips moved, as if she didn't know where to begin.
"I finally understand," she said softly, "that Gu Yanshen doesn't actually love me."
Jin Qiqi rolled her eyes dramatically, with her usual exaggerated gesture. "My god, are you out of your mind? After all these years, you're only just realizing whether he loves you or not?"
Lu Xiran didn't smile. She raised her head and looked at Jin Qiqi. There were no tears in her eyes, only something deep that Jin Qiqi had never seen before—not sadness, but relief. It was the empty relief that comes after finally admitting to something you'd been lying to yourself about for so long.
"I don't know either." Her smile was faint, so faint it seemed she was laughing at herself. "I've never understood his feelings. When I first met him, I thought he liked men. Then Song Zhihe came along. So, I've never known whether he liked me or not."
She placed the water glass on the coffee table and curled her fingers on her knees.
"After we got married, I felt he loved me very much. I still believe he does." Her voice choked up. "But after the miscarriage, his indifference, the things he said—made me doubt his motives for being with me."
She stopped. Jin Qiqi didn't urge her, but simply reached out and placed her hand on the back of her hand.
"Actually," Lu Xiran took a deep breath, as if she were making a long preparation, "the day before you gave birth to Yinuo, when I was getting a gift for your mother-in-law, I was kidnapped by Su Lanzhi. Su Lanzhi used me to threaten him, and he said on the phone—'Help me solve a problem.'"
Jin Qiqi's fingers tightened suddenly.
"Like a stranger." Lu Xiran's voice broke.
"What?!" Jin Qiqi practically jumped up, leaping off the sofa, her eyes wide with disbelief. "Why didn't you tell me about this?!"
"You had just given birth to Yinuo then." Lu Xiran looked up at Jin Qiqi, tears welling in her eyes, but she held them back. "How could I tell you?"
Jin Qiqi looked at her, and tears fell down her cheeks first.
"Ranran..." She sat back on the sofa, moved closer, and snuggled up to her. "How have you been these past three years?"
Lu Xiran didn't answer. She just lowered her head, looking at her fingers curled up on her knees.
"So, I really don't know if he ever loved me."
Jin Qiqi remained silent for a long time. She held Lu Xiran's hand tightly.
"Yanxu and I always thought he loved you very much." Her voice was muffled, trembling with tears. "But we didn't know any of this." She paused, as if choosing her words carefully. "And through Su Lanzhi's phone, did he know you were there?"
Lu Xiran's tears finally fell. One, two, silently landing on the back of her hand.
"Maybe they don't know." Her voice was broken. "So what you're saying is the truth, isn't it?"
Jin Qiqi hugged her tightly, "Ranran... then why are you with someone like that?"
Lu Xiran leaned on her shoulder without struggling.
"Because I discovered that he and Song Zhihe weren't as affectionate as they seemed." Her voice was muffled on Jin Qiqi's shoulder. "But between Song Zhihe and me, he still chose Song Zhihe. So, just because he doesn't love Song Zhihe that much doesn't mean he loves me."
She stepped out of Jin Qiqi's arms and looked at her.
"My logic was flawed from the start." Tears still clung to her face, but she smiled. The smile was faint, so faint it seemed she was laughing at herself. "Just because he doesn't like Song Zhihe that much doesn't mean he likes me."
Jin Qiqi stood there, stunned. "What do you mean he chose Song Zhihe?"
Lu Xiran took a deep breath. "Yesterday, Li Fengche kidnapped Song Zhihe. I secretly followed him, but Li Fengche's men discovered me. He forced Gu Yanshen to choose between two options—"
She stopped. After a long while, she finally uttered those words.
Without hesitation, he chose Song Zhihe once again.
The living room fell silent. So quiet that you could hear Jin Qiqi's suppressed breathing—each breath heavier than the last.
"I'm going to curse that scumbag!" Jin Qiqi finally exploded, tears streaming down her face. She was trembling with anger. "How could he do this to you! You loved him so much, and you even took the blame for him!"
Lu Xiran reached out to wipe away Jin Qiqi's tears. Her own tears were still flowing, yet Jin Qiqi was smiling.
"He feels burdened." Her voice was very soft, as if she were talking about something that had nothing to do with her.
"So," she withdrew her hand, looking at the sky outside the window, "I've decided to go back to Switzerland. I'm not coming back." She turned her head to look at Jin Qiqi, the corners of her mouth curving slightly, a faint smile, but carrying a calm acceptance of finally making a decision. "You have to bring Yinuo to visit me often."