That bard is such a charmer!

Chapter 8 The Little Cloak Loves to Take a Bath

Why do you say that?

Upon hearing what the cloak said, Richard immediately turned to ask.

The cloak replied calmly:

The answer is actually quite simple...

"Please speak."

But it's not that simple...

"?"

Those who understand, understand; those who don't, naturally don't understand...

Got it, got it.

I've figured it out, poet. Whether it's you or this stone, as tools of a powerful necromancer, I can't say for sure about other aspects, but their tempers are all terrible.

With time running out and the task pressing, Richard didn't want to waste any more time talking about a cloak, so he quickly whispered:

"Mr. Cloak, I am young and inexperienced, so I may not understand some of the more profound things you say. But as for strength, I do have some. Please feel free to ask me for anything!"

Upon hearing this, the cloaked man's speech noticeably quickened.

My request is simple: forget about that broken rock and give me a bath first!

"bath?"

That's right!

【My beautiful cloak, once hanging proudly behind its master, is now being used as a rag by these vulgar kobolds. Don't you think that's outrageous?】

[I can't take it anymore! Give me a shower right now! Shower, shower, shower!]

I swear, once I've finished washing you, I'll give you whatever you want!

Okay, okay, I can tell you're in a hurry.

Richard smiled and narrowed his eyes, thinking that the request wasn't too difficult.

This underground ruin is not short of water.

After all, these places were used for living in back then. Whether it was the well in the kobold's lair or the messy caves on the edge, there was plenty of water available.

He then picked up his cloak, left the blacksmith's shop, and walked only a few dozen meters to the edge before finding a pool of water.

The pool was very deep, and you couldn't see the bottom at all. Staring at it for too long could easily make your hair stand on end—Richard, for one, had a vague feeling that there was a ghost, a ghost called Secret Garden, floating above the pool.

He shivered slightly, then immersed the cloak in water and began to scrub it.

About twenty or thirty minutes passed.

Richard washed the cloak three times, and although many stubborn, long-standing stains could not be removed, it was mostly cleaned.

He asked the cloak, "Is this alright?"

Of course not! It's far from good enough!

Richard smacked his lips and got back to washing clothes.

Another twenty or thirty minutes passed.

"And now?"

No, no, no!

[Do you even know how to wash a cloak? Just washing it with water won't do. You have to first sweep it with a cleaning spell, then soak it in authentic herbal powder from the high elves, followed by a gentle scrubbing with a stain-removing alchemy potion and water with cleansing fish, repeating this thirty times...]

"?"

No, how could I possibly do what you're asking right now?

If you just wanted to be washed a few more times, that would be fine, but you just went and made a huge, nasty demand...

Richard's fist hardened.

Then, an idea suddenly popped into his head.

I vaguely remember that the ancient Romans used urine as a detergent because urine contains ammonia, which helps to remove dirt!

He definitely couldn't produce any cleaning magic, plant powder, alchemical potions, or anything like that.

But he has plenty of urine!

Want a deep clean?

Satisfy you!

Over here, the cloak was still grumbling and making demands.

[...After washing thirty times, the clothes cannot be taken out and air-dried directly. Instead, a young girl, preferably an elf, must be found to gently squeeze out the water with her clean, delicate, and nail-free hands, while incense is lit nearby...]

Hey, are you even listening to me?

Why are you taking your pants off? Ah! Don't do that, I have megalophobia!

Wait, why...?

"Why else? Of course, it's to give you a bath!" Richard said earnestly. "Don't worry, this is the wisdom of the ancients; it will definitely get you clean!"

[Are you kidding me? This is disgusting! How could you even think of something like this? Are you even human?]

"I am a poet."

"Furthermore, what I'm doing is based on both scientific evidence and historical tradition, and it's not disgusting at all."

"Besides, you swore before that you'd give me whatever I wanted after I finished washing it. Since that's the case, of course I'll use any means necessary!"

No, no, not that kind of thing! At least it should be an elf girl, right?!

"I'm sorry, due to limited resources, this is the only way."

"Could it be that you, the cloak of a noble mage, intend to act like a despicable villain and break the oath you just swore?"

No, this... I... I surrender! I surrender! Actually, you were doing fine washing up. I was just trying to joke with you, don't take it so seriously~

Thus, with Richard's patient persuasion, Cloak realized his mistake and redefined what cleanliness meant.

The Necromancer's Cloak has "increased" your affinity.

You have received a gift pack containing the Necromancer's Cloak.

Hey, that actually works!

It seems that it's not always necessary to appease these items; a little threat is also acceptable.

Richard grinned crookedly, returned to the blacksmith's shop with the cloak on, and then opened the gift package.

You have gained 1 point of charm.

You have gained the talent: Beast Intuition - You can perceive danger in your surroundings in a way that transcends the five senses and take precautions in advance.

Remarks:

"I don't need to actually step in dog poop to know how soft it is." — A passerby wearing Chelsea pajamas

[You have learned the 0th-tier spell: Verbal Abuse - You can unleash a barrage of magical curses at any creature within twenty meters. If the creature can hear you, it will suffer minor psychological damage and may cause it to make a mistake in its actions.]

Note 1:

"A kind word warms the heart for three winter months, while a harsh word is truly delightful to wound." — John Wilde, Jr.

Note 2:

"You are the inner inner inner inner inner~" — Bard Big Zhang

[You have obtained information about the necromancer's cloak.]

Is it fair to say that this is something left behind by the mage?

The drop rate is quite good.

In an instant, Richard's bad impression of the cloak vanished.

Anything that deserves a reward is a sign of good civility!

He put on a smile and said to the cloak:

"Thank you, Mr. Cloak. Now, I'd like to ask you a question: do you know how to weaken the soul of a red dragon?"

"Red Dragon? You've got your eye on that guy, huh? Okay, I think I know what you're up to."

Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do about this. Even in perfect condition, I'm just a piece of clothing that provides special effects for my master; I don't know much about matters of the soul.

【You still have to ask the Soul Magic Stone. Although that stone is smelly and hard, it has always assisted its master in casting spells and was once inscribed with a possession curse. It understands those intricacies best.】

[Perfect timing, the information I wanted to share with you is also related to it...]

Richard sat up straight.

"Please speak."

That smelly rock isn't incapable of talking; it just has a biased way of expressing itself.

"Attribute discrimination?"

[That's right, it's a staunch intellectual supremacist and despises charismatic spellcasters like poets and sorcerers, so it refuses to talk to them. The only way to get it to talk is to raise its intelligence attribute to at least 12 points.]

Just as the cloak finished speaking, the magic stone placed to the side suddenly spoke up.

【Humph! 】

Although it was still just a hum, it contained an affirmative tone.

Richard grinned.

Okay, here comes another new problem...