novelraw Chapter 253
Chapter 253
The situation is not satisfactory.It looks like the alliance of the Ou-etsu clan is about to collapse.Aizu was about to be abandoned by everyone - Shimada, who succeeded Yamazaki after his death, brought the news to everyone.
It is said that the governor of the navy, Takehiro Enomoto, has led the navy and ships of the old shogunate to the north from the Edo coastal road.Keisuke Ohtori, an infantry soldier of the old shogunate, has announced that he will lead the remaining troops to the Sendai Domain, intending to regroup there and concentrate superior forces to fight the new government army to the death.
At first, the earth side opposed this decision, thinking that it was necessary to respond to the Shido and loyalty of the Aizu domain and stay to defend Aizu.However, Otori broke out with unprecedented boldness. As the governor, he ordered the Shinsengumi to go north together, looking for a chance to make a comeback, so as to better respond to the loyalty and sacrifice of the Aizu Domain.
And, he finally said, this is the final decision of Aizu Gong Matsudaira Rongho.The Duke of Aizu had already planned to stay and survive with the Aizu Domain, but he did not want Aizu to be the last battle before the fall of the shogunate.
"Inherit the loyal, unyielding and proud samurai soul of Aizu, and continue to carry it forward, this is what you should do." It is said that Aizu said so.
After hearing the news, the cadres of the Shinsengumi reacted differently.Among them, the most active one was Shannan, who was originally from the Sendai feudal vassal.
He volunteered to go to Sendai first to fight for the Shinsengumi.Although he is already "dead" in the eyes of others, he still thinks that he still has some ways to go in Sendai, and the news of his death is not unexplainable and smooth.After some discussions, the Turkish side agreed to Shannan's proposal.
On the eve of Shannan's departure for Sendai, Liu Quan, who had difficulty falling asleep, unexpectedly met Shannan standing under a tree in the courtyard.
"Oh, oh." Shannan smiled as if he was a little troubled.
"It seems that I can always meet you at such a time..."
Liu Quan was speechless for a while.
Indeed, they seem to have met by chance several times in the courtyard at night.And every experience is not so pleasant—from the first time, that is, the night when the Ikedaya incident happened.
At that time, Shannan thought that Liu Quan, who was still in confinement, would not be able to participate in the mission that night, just like him, who was seriously injured and unable to play.But in the end, Liu Quan was called by Hijikata, and he was assigned to the team under his command, and on the road near Shijo Street, he and Hijikata beautifully stopped the soldiers of the Aizu Domain and the representative of the Kyoto Shoji who were trying to snatch the credit of the Shinsengumi. of people.
They're all not so good memories... Liu Quan smiled wryly.
"Mr. Shannan is leaving tomorrow night, right?" She asked knowingly.
Shannan nodded.
"That's it." His voice was still gentle, as if he had never been eroded by Rakshasa mania, and he was still the approachable, wise and kind president of the Shinsengumi back then.
...But they all knew in their hearts that the toxicity of turning water was eroding his little sanity day by day.It may not be far away when he finally completely loses his mind and becomes bloodthirsty.What's more, in the eyes of the outside world, he is already a "dead" person.Under such circumstances, it would be an extremely risky thing for him to lead the Rakshasa team to Sendai alone.
...Why did the earth side agree to this proposal?Is it because of the current Shinsengumi, and there is no other way to think about it?
Liu Quan gazed sadly at the still peaceful Shannan.
"...Please take care, Mr. Shannan." She said in vain.
Shannan's smile seemed a little cold for some reason.Maybe because he had other things on his mind, he seemed a little absent-minded.
"I'm going to face a very tough battle next... You should take care of yourself, Qingyuan-kun." He responded like this.
Liu Quan didn't know how to respond for a while, so he paused and said, "...I've realized this a long time ago, so..."
"You are such a strange person." Shannan interrupted her unexpectedly, with a strange smile on his face.
Liu Quan:? !
"Other women, at such a time, would have turned around and fled in fear... But why didn't you run away?" He asked in an unusually gentle and cold voice.
Liu Quan: "...Huh?!"
Shannan gently pushed the glasses on the bridge of his nose, and with this action, a strange light slid across the lenses.
"Seeing an opponent who is difficult for me to defeat, I rushed forward bravely... This is you." His gaze fell to Liu Quan's wrist, and his expression was a little complicated for a moment.
Probably because she thought that her arm was also injured. Although she was also wrapped in layers of bandages, she could return to the battlefield immediately after the injury was healed. Doesn't have to be like him, who can't swing the knife again if she doesn't drink the water?
Liu Quan coughed in embarrassment.
"This, this is my responsibility as a member of the newly selected team. Regardless of whether I am a woman or not, I-"
"Isn't it good to leave like Mr. Xuecun?" Shannan interrupted her suddenly, "Be a gentle and good woman, live a good life elsewhere, and stop doing such life-threatening things every day... Well, but it’s useless to tell you this. You’re not the kind of girl who would be happy to wear something cute and beautiful like a hairpin or a mirror—”
Hairpin? !Mirror? !
This description seems familiar.Liu Quan's brain creaked for a while, and then he slowly remembered that this was originally what Harada said when she declined the bounty from Ikedaya.
At that time, everyone gathered in the hall to discuss this matter, and Xinbaji had a rare cleverness, suggesting that everyone who received the bounty raise funds to give Liu Quan a gift as compensation.At that time, everyone had their own proposals, and Okita even wanted to blackmail Hijikata for a high price of 50 taels to buy wakizashi and give it to Liuquan as a prank; Harada, who has always been able to understand girls' feelings, said, "Give gifts to girls. You have to buy something cute and beautiful like hair pins or mirrors."
Of course, after Liu Quan once again sternly declined, everyone gave her a lot of delicious wagashi, candies, and other small snacks.Among them, the most unbelievable thing is Xiao Yi's cherry cake for ten people.However, Shannan didn't give her anything at that time - this is normal, Shannan was unable to participate in the two battles of Ikedaya and Forbidden Gate Change due to injuries, and his name was not on the list of rewards. Participate in these people's mischievous compensation activities.
But does he still remember this?What was his purpose in bringing it up now?
Liu Quan forced a smile.
A picture she had seen by accident suddenly jumped into her mind.
"Hairpin? Ah~ Speaking of which, Mr. Shannan once gave Chizuru-chan a hairpin." She smiled and said in a chatty tone.
"I'm sorry... I heard from Qianzuru before that everyone insisted that the Shimabara spy incident caused trouble for her, who was not an official team member, so they each bought cute condolences for her afterwards. Later Seeing that hairpin, Chizuru-chan said it was a gift from Mr. Shannan, it is really beautiful—"
Shannan: ...? !
"...What, so you really know about this."
After Shannan was slightly taken aback, he laughed and said this.
That expression made Liu Quan's chest feel uncomfortable for some reason.
"...Mr. Shannan's mood at that time, I understand very well." She said with a hint of eagerness, "That's why I don't want to see the poison of change like water erode the gentle and careful Mr. Shannan at that time..."
The smile on Shannan's lips faltered suddenly.
"Gentle me...?" He said as if talking to himself.
Then, his eyes sharply cast on Liu Quan's face for a moment.
"... That's not the tenderness for you. You don't have to care about it so much." He said in a gentle but cold tone.
For some reason, this sentence seemed to hit her heart, Liu Quan felt a little sad.There was something about the words that seemed to make her breathless.
"It doesn't matter if it's for anyone..." she said softly, and her voice became more and more uncontrollable.
"What I care about is not who Mr. Shannan's kindness will be released to, but whether such a gentle and kind Mr. Shannan will exist in this world... That is the most important thing, Mr. Shannan!"
She said loudly, took a step forward, and looked very eagerly at his surprised face.
"The Shinsengumi has lost many important people so far... If possible, I hope not to lose more people!"
Shannan's eyes flickered, and suddenly drifted to the other side, avoiding her eyes.
"Oh? Did you say that for Shinsengumi?" He asked lightly, with a hint of indifference in his tone.
Liu Quan choked on this sudden question.After a while, she gritted her teeth, and replied in a low voice as if it was extremely difficult: "...I say this because...Mr. Shannan, no matter how you look at it, he is a very important person..."
Shannan raised his eyebrows slightly, turned his gaze back slowly, and scanned her face as if probing.
"...No." He finally said, "I am no longer important to Shinsengumi."
He smiled self-deprecatingly.
"The Rakshasa is a failed work... I have fully realized this. I can't give up on studying the Rakshasa until now. In fact, I just want to find a reasonable reason and meaning for my own existence... After all , who wants to continue their meaningless life as a monster...?!"
"For the Shinsengumi, Rakshasa is probably as harmful as it is useful. I am ready to sacrifice or be abandoned at any time. After all, almost everyone from Hijikata-kun down, there is no one who is The one who really agrees with the existence and necessity of Rakshasa in his heart..."
"For the shogunate, the Shinsengumi has become an outcast. For the Shinsengumi, Rakshasa has become an outcast..." He said with a sigh, "After seeing all this, you still come What did you say to me that I am important?!"
He suddenly took a step forward, leaned close to her face, and said softly: "...Unfortunately, the person you are looking for and missing - that Shannan Keisuke has long since ceased to exist in this world .So, don't mention him again, and don't go to him again."
"He's already dead.... Don't you know this very well? Didn't you witness his death that night?!"
He approached her step by step, and the cold breath between his lips blew on her face.She couldn't help shivering.
Tears of sadness poured into the eyes inexplicably.
He who said that... must be suffering a thousand times more than himself now, right? !
This easily negates my original choice, and all the meaning of life after that choice...
Mr. Shannan, what should I do to help you?
Liu Quan looked sadly at the face of Shannan who was already close at hand.
Looking at him so closely, she realized that he is actually a very handsome and gentle man.
No wonder I heard that in the era of the test hall, the children and girls in the neighborhood were more willing to get close to him...
Although Mr. Hijikata is more handsome, Mr. Shannan, who is gentle and handsome, considerate and patient with everyone, seems to be more likely to make people want to get closer...
...When did you become a Rakshasa, Mr. Shannan.
...was it from the moment you drank the water that turned into water?Or earlier—in the Wufu house in Osaka, the moment when "Chixin Chongguang" broke? !
"No...he's not dead." She murmured as if in a dream, stretched out her hand like a sleepwalker, and poked Shannan's chest with an index finger.
"I know...he lives here."
Shannan's body froze, and he froze in astonishment.
He has also changed into western clothes with everyone in the Shinsengumi, a black cross-neck long coat, only the collar and cuffs are trimmed with yellow brocade, dark green embroidered with gorgeous dark patterns, it matches him very well Sombre but still refined temperament.At this moment, his wide eyes looked at her, also in a man's dress, from behind the glasses, as if she had suddenly become a stranger.
At this moment, they stood very close.This is not the first time they have stood so close together—on the night of the Obon Festival celebrating the third year, they ran into Garner on the street who had defected from the Shinsengumi and joined the "Guardian of the Royal Tomb" organized by Kokotaro Ito. When Jiuxiong, he used to stand even closer than he does now.
At that time, she was the first to discover Garner's trace.When she noticed Garner, the guy seemed to have been a little suspicious of his figure first, staring at him from an unobtrusive corner in the crowd.
Of course Ito Kokotaro knew the secret that he was still alive.In fact, Ito also used this as a reason to threaten Kondo and Hijikata, and successfully retreated from the Shinsengumi, and took away some key soldiers to organize the Royal Tomb Guards.
But he didn't know if Ito had told the secret to his subordinates.
She also seemed unwilling to take the risk of confirming this, once she noticed that Garner was suspiciously curious about him, she barely wasted a minute in pretending to be an unusually enthusiastic female companion, He was taken to a corner without a trace.
It was a very small gap between the two houses. I thought that by making the illusion of a tryst between men and women, Garner would dispel his doubts and leave, but he didn't expect that guy to follow along and continue to spy around them.
...It seems that Ito really didn't tell others that Shannan is still alive.Perhaps he thought that this secret was firmly in his hands, and that one day he would have the opportunity to blackmail the Shinsengumi.A well-known secret has no value.
But at that time, that annoying Garner seemed to think so too.So in order to get rid of that annoying and clingy Garner, they had to keep acting.
He still remembers her sighing angrily in frustration, glaring at the traitor who squeezed through the crowd with hatred, and then making an extremely unexpected move in the next moment, which almost shocked him who was always calm for a moment, so that he didn't know how to react— —She threw herself into his arms quickly, and at the same time whispered in his ear: [Mr. Shannan, I'm sorry—please bury your face on my shoulder. 】
Just like her determination to make a bold sacrifice without hesitation, her tone of voice is so calm that it seems that Yamazaki or Saito will use it when they are carrying out secret missions. Same tone.But he soon noticed that she was trembling slightly, and she was obviously very nervous and bewildered, not at all as calm and calm as her tone showed.
...No matter how many battles and bloodshed you have experienced, the woman in front of you is just a young girl.
Such a sigh appeared in his heart for a moment.
Then, based on some kind of psychology, he obeyed her order without saying a word.
That Kano probably saw the figure embracing in the dark between the houses from his hiding place, maybe he finally felt relieved that they were not the leader and team member of the Shinsengumi, but just a pair of lovers who looked alike— —In short, he soon realized that Garner had lost interest in them and left quickly.
After that, although they separated faster, and then walked out from the darkness of the hut, and continued to walk among the crowd on the street, there was always an indescribably awkward atmosphere flowing between them.Later, they accidentally met Chizuru, who was also wearing a women's yukata, looking fresh and lovely alone, so he invited Chizuru to watch the Obon Festival night festival with them in order to avoid the embarrassment and helplessness. The mentioned atmosphere continues to make trouble, destroying the mood of the two of them.
With Qianhe's joining, she really seemed to be relieved, and left quickly with a poor excuse.
Chizuru is a cute girl who you can't help but want to treat and protect with tenderness and kindness, and want to see her smile.In sharp contrast to her, Liu Quan is a woman who does not know how to treat her. She is a woman with darkness and light intertwined, mature and innocent, full of contradictions and secrets.
There were times when he felt that he might be beginning to understand her a little bit, but other times he felt that he might never really understand what she was really thinking; now, for example.
Sendai is his hometown. As a dead person, when he returns to his hometown with a dead body, what kind of test of fate will he face? In fact, even he himself does not know this point.
Because of this, when he met her again in the courtyard tonight, he wanted to say something extra.
Maybe if it were someone else he met here, he would also be eager to say something to the other party.This strange emotion was not specially produced because the person he was facing now was her.
... It wasn't because he finally realized that she had always known about the fact that he had given the hairpin to Qianzuru all along, that he had such strange emotions.
Moreover, she continued to say those disgusting words that would make people feel strange emotions.
"...When Mr. Shannan made his decision, did he think that was the best time, or the time when he had to do that?"
Shannan was startled. "……What did you say?!"
Under the reflection of the moonlight, he saw a strange watery light gradually appear in her eyes.
"Didn't Mr. Shannan teach me this principle at the beginning?" She stared at his distorted expression, and said earnestly in a calm and hopeful tone, "At that time you said to me: 'If it is... ...No matter how reckless it may seem in hindsight, you must do it without regret'. So...Since Mr. Shannan made that choice at the beginning, then at that time, it must be the best time...You What you do must be what you must do..."
She choked up suddenly, paused, and then continued: "...that's what I think."
Shannan was silent for a long time.
She still seemed to be expecting something from herself to cheer her up.But now, can he still say what she wants to hear?
"...Please stop, stop now."
Words out of his control slipped out of his mouth.
Liu Quan opened his eyes wide in astonishment.Shannan Junxiu's face was tense, as if he hated seeing her again.
"I don't need you to think it's right, and I don't need you to care about it. If it's because when I was in Osaka... I have said many times that it has nothing to do with you. In fact, if the people present are related to Tamura-kun at that time If you are the same team member... I guess I may have been injured a little more seriously. You have done everything you can. Please stop staring at me with that disgusting pitiful face It's...!"
A lot of harsh words burst out from the bottom of my heart.Shan Nan seemed unable to stop, staring at Liu Quan all the time, talking step by step.
"Please pay attention to someone who is more worthy of your attention.... That person is not me. As a Rakshasa, I may not have much time to survive... So I will use my life to clear the Shinsengumi. The way forward. That's what I plan to go to Sendai for."
He turned around abruptly, as if he was going to leave, and he didn't seem to intend to continue to follow her futile persuasion.
"So, we don't need to say goodbye to each other. Only by adopting the attitude of 'every farewell is a farewell' can we survive in the Rakshasa team. I have always thought this way."
"It's you who should take care. Your life will be much longer... One day in the future, you will return to your original attire. As a woman, live well..."
"At that time, I may have already passed away from this world."
"By that time, I hope you have forgotten all this."
"Because, I don't need your sympathy or pity."
Shannan strode away.
Liu Quan's whole body was cold and stiff, and he felt unable to speak a word.
Under the moonlight, Shannan's back has passed through half of the courtyard, and it seems that he is about to disappear into the darkness.
Liu Quan suddenly came to his senses, rushed forward a few steps, and shouted loudly: "...Mr. Shannan!"
Shannan's footsteps faltered suddenly, but he seemed to be going to walk forward again, as if he had no intention of stopping to listen to her.
Liu Quan ran forward a few more steps.An unspeakable impulse suddenly rose from the bottom of my heart.
"Mr. Shannan is alive... For many people, that fact is better than anything!"
[... Please take a look at this. 】
What Shannan once said to Chizuru resurfaced in his mind.
...Why does this happen every time...
"Even if he drank the water, Mr. Shannan must still be the original Mr. Shannan. The original Mr. Shannan must still be alive. This has nothing to do with whether he becomes a Rakshasa or whether he will be affected by madness... I am Believe it so."
【In the future, when you return to your original attire, I hope you can adorn your hair with it. 】
[At that time, I didn't know if I was still by your side.Therefore, I would like to present this humble heart to you now. 】
He said just now that one day in the future you will also return to your original attire.
She can still hope that one day she will regain her identity and dress as a woman, and truly live as a woman; but he will never be able to return to the original person... Even if there is any way to restrain Rakshasa's madness, he His body has also been eroded by water for too long...
Tears welled up feebly.Liu Quan's voice changed a bit.
As a member of the Shinsengumi, in fact, she has already made up her mind to draw her sword at any time and kill the irreparable Shannan who has fallen into the madness of Rakshasa and cannot extricate herself.But so what?Even so, it still couldn't make her lose her last sincere hope for him, hoping that he could finally defeat the poisonous nature of turning water and the madness of Rakshasa, so that even in the body of Rakshasa, he could live a sober and dignified life.
"Please live, Mr. Shannan! Anyway, I firmly believe that the reason why Mr. Shannan lives is because of important reasons and meanings... Even as a Rakshasa! Just as I firmly believe that even if Mr. Shannan is killed by the power of Rakshasa If it is deeply influenced, it will also play an irreplaceable role for others..."
He has become worrying and daunting most of the time.This emotion arises precisely because Shannan is irreplaceable.Everyone is afraid of losing him in the battle with the power of Rakshasa, because losing him will cause pain that cannot be easily erased...
"Yes, maybe the shogunate doesn't need the Shinsengumi now. In fact, the shogunate is probably going to perish by itself, and no one can save it..." Liu Quan panted violently, and for the first time, the shogunate The fact that has been buried in my heart for a long time has been clearly stated in front of others.
As expected, a clear look of astonishment appeared on Shannan's face.
It's not that he didn't deduce such a result, but he didn't expect her to say it so clearly and frankly.
"...However, the Shinsengumi must still need Mr. Shannan. Whether it is Rakshasa or not, Mr. Shannan will not be an abandoned child. Because no one in the Shinsengumi will abandon Mr. Shannan."
A strange expression slowly appeared on Shannan's face.He tilted his head slightly, turned around and looked at Liu Quan who was more than ten steps away from him.After a long, long time, he suddenly smiled faintly.
"You, you have always been so stupid that it is unbearable." He said lightly.
"Whether it is said or done, it is so unbearable."
"I see, you've already forgotten how to be a woman, haven't you? Doing completely unlovable things all day long."
Liu Quan seemed both surprised and hurt, his mouth opened slightly, all the sharp teeth just now disappeared, and he stood there blankly, as if he hadn't expected him to say such a word at all.
"It's the saddest thing about remembering someone who doesn't exist at all," he said dryly.
"Your tenderness will only bring pain to others. That's why everyone treats you differently from Yukimura-kun." He left the last sentence sharply but cruelly, and then without looking back, he turned around and strode forward Gone, the figure quickly disappeared into the shadow of the corner.
Liu Quan stared at the corner of the wall where Shannan's figure finally disappeared, and unconsciously clenched his fists with his hands hanging by his sides, and he didn't even realize that he was trembling with such force.
...So, is that so...?
She has long realized that her feminine side has been gradually forgotten by herself in the repeated struggles.She also understands that in this age and era, a woman like her who has no feminine self-consciousness and gentle and weak nature will not be recognized by this society and loved by others.
However, this cruel fact was finally uttered by a respectable senior and boss who she valued very much and had been with her day and night for several years, which undoubtedly gave her a heavy blow.
Although in the Shinsengumi, in addition to the same team activities as the male team members, I also undertake some daily housework activities such as cooking, laundry and cleaning-well, these things have always been Shinsengumi The members took on shifts, and even adding Chizuru could not completely rescue everyone from the heavy housework tasks-in the end, is she still defined as a woman who has forgotten her true heart as a woman?
When she heard Shannan say this just now, she thought that she would be so sad that she would shed tears that she refused to shed easily.But now that I think about it carefully, I feel that I really have no more tears to shed.
He just told the truth.Those worries that have been entrenched in the depths of my heart, the fears that I have stubbornly suppressed in my heart, and the reality that I dare not face are nothing more than that.
He just told her honestly where the failure was when he met for the last time before going on the dangerous road full of unknowns.After all, if it wasn't for Shannan, perhaps no one would have pointed out to her so frankly why she was still in danger of being abandoned at any time even at this point.
A wry smile slowly appeared on the corner of her lips.
"But now...it's too late for me to find true tenderness again, Mr. Shannan."
She said to herself, knowing that in the empty courtyard, no one would answer her question.
"...It seems that I can only go on in this unlovable way." She said softly in a slightly sighing and joking tone.
"After all, as a team member of the Shinsengumi, being cute can't make me live another day." Her tone gradually became a little lighter from the low voice at the beginning, and the ending of the last sentence even carried a certain kind of excessive lightness. spoken in the tone of voice.
After she finished joking, she even tapped her forehead lightly with her right fist, as if she couldn't do anything about herself, raised her head to the sky, smiled self-deprecatingly, and then took a step forward, left the courtyard.
After she left, the courtyard returned to darkness and silence, as if no one had ever come here, and no one had ever left a deep sigh here.
The author has something to say:
February 5:
Miscalculation, the number of words actually exceeded nearly [-] words. . .I really like Shannan sang. . .No, Uncle Sakai is true love.
Today is really a blast. Considering that yesterday's update was actually written in the morning, within 24 hours, I actually got close to [-]. . .This must be the wonderful bonus brought to me by the power of deep water torpedoes and everyone's support~~
So, first of all thanks for the deep water torpedo of the cherub brisket noodles! !
Then, because this chapter is almost entirely Shannan-san's home field (the foreshadowing here is very important, it is an important clue that will be mentioned when the Shannan line ENDING), so if you support the deputy chief or Xiaoyi's goblins, don't worry, Xiaoyi A flashy plot will appear soon~~ Deputy Chief, in the outline, the confession alone will take up a whole chapter in the future [.
PS.1. The stalk of Shannan sending Chizuru hairpin mentioned in this chapter is from the original work, it seems that Hirasuke’s episode mentioned that Hirasuke was jealous when he saw Shannan-san giving Chizuru hairpin【.I always feel that this stalk is very abrupt, because Shannan-san and Qianhe have no sense of CP at all. . .
2. If you feel that this chapter is Shannan-san’s home game and it’s not enough to read, I will release a special episode of the deputy chief after a while~~ Because I may be on a business trip next week, so if you want to read this episode , it will be released on the weekend at the latest~~