Seraphs of the Emperor’s Judgment

Chapter 194: Ustad's Melancholy

Ustad hesitated before attending the victory banquet of the three Chapters.

If Farzad hadn't found him at the edge of the firelight, he probably wouldn't have attended this banquet at all.

"Ustad!"

Farzad called out.

"Here!"

He raised his hands, gave a bear hug far tighter than Ustad's own expected greeting, and pulled him into the boisterous banquet area.

"I haven't seen you all day."

Ustad smiled awkwardly yet politely and replied:

"The Chapter Master entrusted me with some matters... Actually, I was only away for a little while, but you were just having too much fun and lost track of time."

Ustad looked over his battle brother's shoulder. Inside the great hall of the Mother of Tears, the warriors of the three Chapters were gathered together, sharing their experiences from this campaign and boasting about how many xenos they had slain.Despite being in a golden hall featuring a strong Baal stylistic flair, the dominant color of the banquet remained the dark green symbolizing death.

It was interspersed with a few specks of bright yellow.

As for silver-grey, one had to look very carefully to spot even a single instance of it.

This was the most realistic reflection of the three Chapters' current situations.

The campaign in the Vorenus System was basically over. Just as they had in the past, the Greenskins once again suffered a devastating blow from the Imperium's heavy fist. Yet, almost all the glory for all of this would go to the Excoriators who had initiated the campaign. The Astral Knights and Lamenters might get a small share, but in the official campaign records, they would certainly not be the first to appear.

The larger-scale banquet had already concluded in the morning, Terran time. Over a hundred people, including high-ranking officers and Commissars of the Imperial Navy and all participating Astra Militarum regiments, had gathered in the same hall with the Astartes to share the fruits of victory.

That had been a heavily ceremonial banquet—at least in Ustad's view, it was filled with all sorts of clichés.

"By the Emperor, you're just too miserable."

Farzad said, grabbing Ustad's arm.

"Brothers, this is Ustad, the captain of our other squad."

Farzad turned and spoke to the crowd. It was a gathered group of Excoriator warriors; judging from their rank insignia, they were all squad sergeants and company commanders.

"You've put that a bit too astutely."

Ustad shook his head. He had heard that Farzad was very popular among the Excoriators and had made many friends, but he hadn't expected the other man to have already mingled with officer-ranked warriors.

By comparison, he really was overly introverted.

The Excoriator warriors greeted Ustad, while also taking the measure of this "stranger."

Yes, even within the Astral Knights Chapter, Ustad felt like a "stranger," and his other hidden identity only alienated him further from everyone else.

"Have a seat, take a drink, and tell us about your experiences in the battle. You must have a lot to say."

An Excoriator warrior spoke up. Judging from his helmet and shoulder heraldry, he should be a veteran of the Second Company.

"Nothing special."

Ustad replied with a smile.

"Compared to Farzad, I can hardly be called an outstanding warrior. Why don't you tell me about your battles? You must have experienced many things I haven't."

And so, they did just that. The Excoriators enthusiastically sought to impress him.

Or perhaps they were just doing it out of respect for Farzad.

But gripping his goblet, Ustad only listened to half of it.

The Excoriators Chapter carried on their traditions from a savage world, letting completely loose at banquets. Their revelry filled the entire smoke-wreathed room.

Yet, despite the extremely lively banquet, there was an emptiness lingering here behind the loud jokes and ancient songs.

Lingering echoes drifted from the corners of the room. There should have been much more lively noise there, but now only lurking ghosts remained.

The Lamenters Chapter had lost over twenty battle brothers in the fighting. For a Chapter that was already severely understrength, this was considered a relatively severe casualty rate.

Ustad found it hard to imagine when the seats here would ever be fully occupied again.

This reminded him of their own Chapter's fate.

"Ustad?"

Farzad suddenly placed a hand on Ustad's shoulder.

Ustad blinked, realizing that everyone was looking at him expectantly, some even smiling.

Their stories were already finished, but Ustad entirely hadn't listened to a word.

"Fascinating stories, brave actions."

Ustad said solemnly:

"Your courage will add many ballads to your homeworld."

He carefully stood up.

"Thank you for inviting me to drink with you, and thank you for your stories. I must take my leave now; I still have many matters to attend to."

Farzad looked at him with concern.

"Ah, what a busy man, without a doubt!"

He said to the others, his words even more enthusiastic than his eyes, and then he embraced Ustad once more.

"I know you like to be alone."

Farzad whispered into Ustad's ear.

"But don't be an outsider anymore, my brother. Come back soon; the Chapter doesn't just belong to us, it belongs to you too."

Farzad's concern seared Ustad's heart just as much as a biting insult would. He took his leave as decently as he possibly could.

Afterwards, he found a secluded spot where no one would disturb him.

He began gulping down the strong liquor produced on Supol, laced with the blood and venom of various fierce beasts. In no time at all, he drank until his head spun—this strong liquor was often used by the Excoriators to experience "near-death meditation." Just a tiny sip was enough to kill a dozen mortals.

Without knowing when, a heavy melancholy enveloping him swirled within his cup.

Ustad had never been completely in tune with his peers.

He found it hard to accept the raucous banter traded back and forth, while the others thought him far too serious and unsmiling.

But he had his own way of dealing with the world. He led his squad to fight with honor, and remained completely composed when utterly away from combat.

A strange sensation in his spine made his whole body itch slightly.

This plunged his heart into even greater agony, though shadows concealed his melancholic face.

The gift of the ancient Legion bestowed upon him by the society had not worked up to this very moment. He was unable to activate them, which made him look just like a failure.

He felt that he had failed the expectations of the Chapter Master and Brother Zayd. He bore such a massive secret, yet he was completely useless.

Soon, Ustad became drunk.

He gulped down strong liquor capable of instantly killing a mortal. Some of the liquid spilled onto his armor, but he didn't care.

"Why..."

He muttered to the goblet:

"Why the fuck is this happening."

Inside Ustad's body, his enhanced physiology was fighting a losing battle against the strong liquor.

Slowly, his eyelids drooped. Leaning against the wall, he slowly slumped to the ground, the liquor in his cup spilling completely out.

But what he didn't notice was that, as he lost consciousness, the liquor spilled on the ground was slowly freezing into frost...