novelraw Chapter 504 - 478: Unfortunately, Too Late
Chapter 504 - 478: Unfortunately, Too Late
"I heard you wanted to see me?" Qian dragged a chair and sat in front of him.
"Yes, I wanted to personally say sorry to you. I should have told you this before I went to the mountains, but I didn’t have the courage then. Now I—"
Li Zhen looked at his numb legs, and said painfully.
"I’ve paid the price. I think I should be responsible for the mistakes I’ve made like a man. I owe you an apology."
"Why?" Qian asked.
"Because I once loved the wrong person, who caused you a lot of trouble, and I blamed you. More frustratingly, my mother did so many wrong things to you and my cousins for my sake. If one wrong step leads to another, then it should start with my initial mistake, and I sincerely apologize to you."
His tone was very sincere.
"I’m sorry, Chen Xiaoqian, forgive me for not being able to stand up now and bow deeply to you like a man. Everything started because of me, and now I’ve paid the price. I hope you and my uncle’s family can reconcile with my mother. She did many wrong things, but she’s really not a bad person, she just loves me too much, yet I’ve let her down."
Qian could discern that Li Zhen’s apology was heartfelt. She immediately decided that she absolutely couldn’t agree.
Because if she agreed, Li Zhen would lose the will to live.
"Li Zhen, if you really want to act like a man, why don’t you bravely live on? Do you think that by apologizing to me, your mother will get better? She won’t. Her mental imbalance will worsen, and she might even go mad, especially if you leave. She won’t have any way to live on. I admit, I don’t like—sorry, let me be blunt, I particularly dislike your mother, but she doesn’t seem to have reached the point where she should die to apologize."
Yu Minglang once said that Qian has a scale in her heart and judges everything according to her unique standards. She won’t let anyone who bullied her off the hook, but she won’t go overboard in retaliating against others either. She knows exactly how far she should go.
Even if his aunt is disgusting, she shouldn’t die, and her son, Li Zhen, isn’t someone Qian really likes or dislikes. He’s just a stranger she’s unfamiliar with, and he shouldn’t die either.
"Did you know... I want to end my life?" Li Zhen was surprised. His parents didn’t know, yet Chen Xiaoqian saw through it right away?
"Don’t forget what I do for a living; I’m a psychologist. In our field, even though we use instruments, they are far inferior to the medical equipment for physical illnesses. Most of our judgments rely on here, here, and here."
Qian pointed to her eyes, brain, and heart respectively.
"Alright, psychologist, you’re correct; I do have that thought. Don’t tell my parents. As a psychologist, you should understand how much pain I’m in. If for the rest of my life even my basic physiological needs require a caregiver, living each day would be a day of despair. Leaving with dignity would be the best choice for me."
Li Zhen was now desperate for death.
His family was well-off enough to hire a caregiver for him for life, and someone would ensure he survives in his later years, but it would only be survival, without dignity. Although his mind is clear, his body is paralyzed, and he can only helplessly watch himself lose control like an infant, needing to urinate and defecate on the bed. It’s terrifying.
He might spend his life lying in bed. Perhaps his father would buy him a high-end wheelchair that someone could push to take him outside and face the strange looks from everyone. When his wheelchair moves away, people would whisper behind his back.
"Did you know the Li family kid is ruined? I heard he can’t even control his bladder anymore, a grown man, tsk tsk..."
Previously, because of his sexuality, Li Zhen faced a significant amount of discrimination, and he was fed up with the gossip behind his back. His proud and upright father had already endured humiliation due to his sexuality. How could he let his parents face outside criticism again because of his paralysis?
Qian understood Li Zhen’s feelings very well because she had dealt with similar patients in her previous life, some who needed her help in accepting reality and their imperfect selves after suffering significant changes and disabilities.
But there were a few who weren’t in that category.
Li Zhen belonged to the latter.
Seeing Li Zhen’s hopeless expression, Qian did not offer words of comfort but instead agreed with his viewpoint.
"Although our country does not have euthanasia, my attitude toward euthanasia is neutral. I neither support nor oppose it. It requires specific analysis for each case, and no one can make the right or wrong judgment for others until it reaches that point. As a man, being paralyzed is indeed a heavy blow. Having suicidal thoughts belongs to a normal reaction. I occasionally come across related cases, but when I provide treatment, my heart is incredibly pained."
"Why?" Li Zhen felt intrigued by Qian’s words. For the first time since the incident, he felt the urge to speak with someone. Qian had a special charm, no one can guess what she’s thinking, but she seems to know how to make people listen to her.
Li Zhen hadn’t realized yet that he had become Qian’s patient.
"Because living on is more painful than dying, truly. I saw an athlete with a high-level spinal injury, who worked hard to cooperate with my treatment for his family’s peace of mind, battling depression over and over. After every treatment for him, I had to drink half a bottle of white wine myself."
"You drink?" Unexpectedly, Qian seemed much more well-behaved.
"This can’t be told to Yu Minglang, it’s our secret. I’m not an alcoholic, but everyone needs an outlet for their emotions. At that time, if I were with Yu Minglang, I wouldn’t need to drink to relieve my emotions. Our profession involves constant exposure to negative news and, while providing peace of mind is our job, sometimes we encounter situations we can’t solve, leaving me fuming. Drinking a little can comfort myself."
If in her past life she had been with Yu Minglang, there’d be no need for drinking alone to vent. She’d just strip Xiaoqiang, get on with it, roll around and work up some sweat, ensuring a week of good mood.
That’s the method Qian discovered after breaking through her moral constraints, realizing Xiaoqiang was quite useful.
"If I hadn’t had the accident, maybe we could have been friends. But unfortunately..." At this moment, Li Zhen realized that Qian wasn’t the aloof, arrogant, and manipulative person he imagined. She still maintained a pure heart in her professional life.
Sadly, it’s too late. He wouldn’t have any friends. He was going to leave this cruel world.